Bert Kibbler
The Big Bang Theory history
Bertram “Bert” Kibbler is a geologist at Caltech and a winner of the MacArthur Fellowship. Socially awkward but kind-hearted, Bert has a reputation as a gentle giant. He is deeply enthusiastic about geology, especially rocks, an interest that often goes unappreciated by his Caltech colleagues.
Bert earned the MacArthur Fellowship for his research on the way microbes in rocks can survive in extreme environmental conditions. The award brought him professional recognition, but it also made Sheldon jealous that a geologist had received such a major honor.
Outside his scientific work, Bert plays guitar and joined Raj and Howard’s band, Footprints on the Moon. Throughout his appearances on The Big Bang Theory, Bert was often lonely and unlucky in romance, but he remained good-natured and eager to connect with the group.
Stuart Fails to Save the Universe history
101 “Spoiler: Gary Dies”
When we meet Bert in 101 “Spoiler: Gary Dies”, he is still a regular customer at Stuart’s comic book store, even in the post-apocalyptic ruins of Pasadena. With the economy reduced to bartering, Bert brings food to trade for old comic books and jokingly keeps asking Stuart if any new issues have come in, despite knowing there are no new comics any more.
When an alternate version of Stuart arrives in the comic book store and tells Stuart that Sheldon, Leonard and Howard’s vari-state quantum interference device malfunctioned and changed reality, Bert embraces the idea that he and Stuart have been given a quest to reach the device and set things right. While Stuart is unsure whether their world really needs fixing, Bert can see there is room for improvement.
On the journey to Caltech, Stuart and Bert discover Denise is still alive. Bert immediately starts rooting for his friend to get back together with the ex-girlfriend he thought was dead. After a botched attempt to sneak into Caltech, Stuart, Denise and Bert are captured and held inside Bert’s old geology classroom. There, a long-imprisoned Raj confirms that reality has been changed and believes he could restore it if he reached the device, which is guarded by forces loyal to Barry Kripke, now the Grand Caliph of South Pasadena.
After Kripke takes Denise away, Stuart is determined to rescue her and reach the machine. Bert’s geology background suddenly becomes useful when he realizes the materials in his old lab can be used to make improvised explosives. Delighted that geology is finally the group’s saving force, Bert fights through Caltech with Stuart and Raj and helps them reach the device.
After Kripke shoots Raj to stop him from reconfiguring the machine, Bert attacks Kripke and struggles with him while Stuart and Denise try to follow Raj’s notes. When the machine opens a wormhole, Stuart, Bert and Kripke are pulled into another reality, leaving Denise behind.
Bert arrives with Stuart and Kripke in an apparently peaceful Pasadena, where the comic book store and the city outside seem to have returned to normal. Stuart worries that Denise did not come with them, but Bert reassures him that they will find her. As the trio look out at the ordinary scene outside, the camera reveals that all three men have electronic devices implanted in their necks.
102 “Spoiler: Zack’s in This One”
After Bert, Stuart and Kripke are transported to the seemingly serene Pasadena of 102 “Spoiler: Zack’s in This One”, Bert is initially delighted by the absence of mutants, giant moths and other apocalyptic horrors. He is also the first to notice the implanted devices in the backs of their necks and quickly realizes they are connected to the shocks Stuart and Kripke receive after they start arguing. Bert later characterizes the universe as a “classic totalitarian dystopia with a dollop of mind control surveillance”.
Bert’s naturally calm, good-natured personality allows him to avoid punishment longer than Stuart or Kripke. While Kripke grows increasingly agitated by the receptionist, Ramona Nowitzki, during their visit to Caltech, Bert remains polite and composed. That changes when Ramona tells him the geology department has been moved out of the building to make room for the “important sciences”. After Bert raises his voice in confusion and protest, he is shocked for the first time.
After their public outbursts, Stuart, Bert and Kripke are arrested and sent to a re-education camp by the AI overlord. When they are released thirty months later and taken by the Resistance, Bert remains characteristically polite even while Penny is trying to slap the conditioning out of Stuart. He begins to object, saying, “Excuse me, young lady, but that is wildly-”, before Penny slaps him too.
During a drone attack on the Resistance headquarters, Bert joins Stuart and Denise in chasing after Kripke, who has run off with the vari-state quantum interference device. When Stuart asks Denise to take his hand so he does not have to find her again in another universe, Bert supportively gives him a thumbs up.
As the device activates, Stuart and Denise are absorbed into one bubble while Bert and Kripke are pulled into another, sending both pairs into a new reality. While Stuart and Denise land in the comic book store and soon realize magic is real, Bert finds himself tied to a stake above a pyre as a crowd chants, “Burn the scientist!” Kripke, standing among the torch-wielding locals, makes only a weak attempt to object before retreating as the fire is lit.
103 “Spoiler: Bert is Magic”
In 103 “Spoiler: Bert is Magic”, Bert finds himself tied to a stake above a burning pyre as an anti-science mob chants for his death. When he desperately calls for rain, a downpour immediately appears and extinguishes the fire. Believing Bert controls the heavens, the once-murderous crowd begins worshiping him instead.
Bert quickly embraces his role as a powerful wizard, but rather than using his powers cruelly, he entertains his new acolytes with harmless tricks, like changing a Coke into Diet Coke or conjuring a puppy and immediately house-training it. When a woman asks whether his magic works in the bedroom, Bert replies, “I don’t need magic in the bedroom. I’m a good listener.”
After returning to the comic book store, Bert confronts Kripke for leaving him to die at the hands of the mob. As Kripke tries to escape, Bert blocks the exit with a brick wall and transforms him into a penguin. Although Kripke apologizes for his behavior, Bert is angry enough to consider turning him into a maggot, prompting Kripke to accept that being a penguin is punishment enough.
When Wil Wheaton, an enforcer for the Wizards Guild of America, arrives through a fiery portal and declares that Stuart must be destroyed for aiding a demon, Bert steps in to defend his friend, catching Wheaton’s fireball and warning, “Don’t throw magic fireballs at my friend.” As the two battle, Bert counters Wheaton’s summoned octopus with a giant shark.
As they direct their powers at each other, Wheaton makes a Vulcan salute while Bert responds with the rock ‘n’ roll sign of the horns. Although Wheaton argues he is trying to save the world, Bert refuses to let him hurt Stuart. He channels his power into Wheaton, setting him alight and causing him to disappear. Afterwards, Bert worries that he may have gone too far, though Stuart reassures him that Wheaton started it. With the danger seemingly over, Bert returns to his supportive self, conjuring a heart-shaped frame of red roses around Stuart and Denise as they kiss.
When a five-story-high demon Bernadette crushes Bert’s acolytes and attacks the store, demanding the vari-state quantum interference device, Stuart urges Bert to fix the machine with magic. Bert does not know the right spell, but tries a series of simple commands until the device activates. As Bernadette reaches for it, the machine sends Stuart, Denise, Bert and Penguin Kripke to another reality.
104 “Spoiler: Stuart Makes a Wallet”
When we first see Bert in 104 “Spoiler: Stuart Makes a Wallet”, he appears during Stuart’s disorienting time at the mental hospital. Stuart sees Bert behind a locked door, silently tapping on the window. After a series of hallucinations, Bert appears in the hallway, prompting Stuart to ask how he escaped. Bert explains that he hasn’t escaped; Stuart is just “very high”. As orderlies drag Stuart away, Bert shouts, “None of this is real.” Later, when Stuart asks Amy Farrah Fowler when Bert will be released, she says the hospital has no patient by that name.
After Stuart is released into his seemingly perfect suburban life, Bert appears again, now the dapper owner of an art gallery hosting an exhibition of Stuart’s work. He welcomes Stuart as the “man of the hour”, while Stuart is unsettled by paintings he does not remember creating, including a scene from the magic world where Bert conjured a heart-shaped frame of roses around Stuart and Denise.
When Stuart activates the mail-order vari-state quantum device at home, Stuart, Denise, Bert and Kripke wake up bald in slime-filled pods. They realize that the suburban life they experienced was not real. As they compare their surroundings to The Matrix, Bert points out that they are literally in a scene from the movie, helping Stuart realize they are trapped in another illusion.
After Stuart tears through the illusion, the four find themselves in a vast white space with the device. Stuart activates it again, sending the group to a dense forest in another reality. When Denise asks whether the forest is real, Bert examines the ground and identifies sand, organic material and clay, possibly kaolinite or montmorillonite. A little deflated, he is forced to admit it is dirt. When Kripke asks why he did not just say that, Bert admits he was showing off a little. The group is then surrounded by a tribe dressed in simple yellow coverings.
105 “Spoiler: Bert Gets Married”
After the group lands in a tropical forest in 105 “Spoiler: Bert Gets Married”, a welcoming tribe invites them to stay in their village. Simpa and Chana explain that the village offers food, places to rest, water to bathe in and companions to sleep with. Denise and Bert suspect there must be a catch and ask what the tribe wants in return. Chana replies, “Just the pleasure of knowing we met your needs.” Stuart says they would be honored to accept the tribe’s hospitality.
While sharing a meal with the villagers around a campfire, Bert is surprised when Chana tells him that he is very beautiful. She assumes he has heard that before, but Bert says only from his mother, who specified that he had an inner beauty. When Chana asks Bert to share her bed that night, he chokes on his food before eagerly agreeing.
The following morning, Chana asks Bert whether he enjoyed having sex with her. Bert says that it was great and quickly adds, “Also, I love you.” Chana responds, “Then I love you.” When Simpa passes by and asks Chana to share his bed that night, however, she readily agrees. Bert blurts out, “What the fuck?”
Bert doesn’t want to appear clingy but tells Chana that he thought they had something special. Chana assures him that they do and explains that she agreed to sleep with Simpa just because he asked. Bert tells her that where he comes from, when a man and woman love each other, they are monogamous and only have sex with each other. When Chana asks whether being monogamous makes people happy, Bert tells her that it would make him happy, so she agrees to think about his “monogamous”. As Chana walks away, an excited Bert tells another villager that he has a girlfriend.
After they spend another night together, Chana wakes to find Bert crying beside her. Bert explains that he is not used to being happy. Simpa then enters their hut and asks why Chana did not come to his hut for lovemaking. Chana explains that she is monogamous now and will “have lovemaking” only with Bert. Simpa storms away after declaring that he does not like “monogamous”.
When Stuart and Denise seek Bert’s advice about finding red quartz to repair the quantum device, Bert is more excited to announce that Chana has agreed to marry him. Denise asks whether Chana even knows what marriage is. Bert admits that she does not and tells Denise not to tell her, prompting an eye roll. When Stuart says that he has a geology question, Bert wonders if he wants to know how many times a geologist can have sex in 24 hours. The answer, he proudly reveals, is two. Bert identifies a piece of red quartz in Gavel’s necklace, while Denise congratulates him on having sex twice.
Unable to obtain Gavel’s necklace, Stuart and Denise return to ask Bert about another source of red quartz. Bert instead asks Stuart to be his best man and Denise to officiate the wedding. Denise eagerly accepts, while Stuart is more hesitant. She draws Stuart aside and reminds him that Bert is his best friend and is entitled to a little happiness. Stuart agrees to be best man, although Bert can tell that he is hardly overjoyed about it.
On the day of the wedding, Bert stands with Stuart and Denise beneath a wooden arch as the villagers gather around them. Stuart begins the ceremony by singing “We’ve Only Just Begun” as Chana is walked down the aisle. Denise then opens with an extended metaphor about Bert and Chana setting sail in “a boat made of love”. When Denise asks if anyone objects, Simpa declares that monogamy is wrong. He objects to the new ideas Bert and Kripke have introduced of monogamy and personal ownership. Simpa argues that people are not meant to possess each other, nor shoes, clothes and bowls. When he takes Manu’s bowl to demonstrate his point, Manu strikes him with it, sparking a brawl.
As Bert watches his wedding descend into chaos, Kripke joins the group beneath the arch and wonders what has gotten into the villagers. The fighting allows Stuart to retrieve Gavel’s red quartz necklace. Meanwhile, Simpa reaches Chana, lifts her into his arms and carries her away. Kripke stops Bert from chasing them and jokes, “Forget it, Bert. It’s Chana-Town.” Stuart activates the repaired quantum device and transports the group out of paradise.
The group arrives inside the comic book store in a seemingly normal Pasadena. Stuart and Denise console Bert as he mourns Chana, saying that he was happy in the village and that it was paradise. After Stuart wonders whether they have finally reached a normal universe, Denise leans towards a green plant and eats one of its leaves before agreeing that it seems normal.
106 “Spoiler: Corn is Delicious”
As Stuart and Kripke wonder why Denise is eating a ficus inside the comic book store in 106 “Spoiler: Corn is Delicious”, Bert is already munching on a plant of his own. As in previous realities, Bert is quick to explain their new surroundings. Reading a copy of Your Amazing Body, he reveals that humans in this universe have four stomachs and evolved from cows. When Denise begins gagging and swallowing, Bert recognizes that she is chewing her cud. Kripke is ready to dismiss the universe until he regurgitates some food of his own and discovers that he enjoys eating it again.
While the group eats at a restaurant, Bert says that this universe is fairly close to their original one before the apocalypse. Among its cultural differences, baseball has no designated hitter rule, Skechers Slip-Ins do not exist and John Cougar never returned to using the name Mellencamp. He forgets to list humanity’s bovine ancestry among the differences. When Stuart suggests staying here because their previous destinations have all turned dangerous, Bert points out that the last place was nice. He almost married a woman who thought he was beautiful. Stuart reminds him that they escaped during a violent riot, but Bert observes that every rose has its thorns before wondering what a rose might taste like.
Later, Bert and Kripke interrupt Stuart and Denise in the back room of the comic book store to announce that they do not want to remain in “Cowtown”. Bert argues that they have fared reasonably well in the other universes, while Kripke points out that he has had sex in three out of five of them. After Denise agrees to stay with Stuart, he gives Bert and Kripke the quantum device and says goodbye.
Kripke activates the machine on the comic book store counter, and an interdimensional bubble forms around him and Bert. Instead of reaching another universe, they find themselves falling through a cosmic void. They initially scream until Kripke notices that there is no visible bottom and suggests they may just continue falling forever. When neither of them can think of anything to do, they resume screaming.
As the fall continues, Bert urges Kripke to activate the device again. It creaks and beeps but fails to transport them anywhere. Looking for a way to pass the time, Bert suggests playing 20 Questions, as he used to do with his mother during childhood car journeys. Kripke initially refuses but soon relents and thinks of an answer. Bert asks whether it is something a person can eat and, after Kripke says no, immediately gives up, much to Kripke’s frustration.
After Raj warns of the impending collapse of the cosmos and Stuart Prime sternly lectures him, Stuart has a heart-to-heart with Denise and chooses to resume his quest to save the universe. He orders a replacement quantum device, which he and Denise use to reunite with Bert and Kripke in the void. Stuart explains that Bert and Kripke could not use the machine to escape because they were not “chosen to save the universe” as he was.
With the original device back in his hands, Stuart activates it and saves the four from their endless fall. They arrive inside a seemingly normal version of the Comic Center of Pasadena, where Stuart and Denise talk without speaking. Bert realizes that people can hear one another’s thoughts in this universe.
107 “Spoiler: Dexys Midnight Runners Get a Royalty Payment”
In the telepathic reality of 107 “Spoiler: Dexys Midnight Runners Get a Royalty Payment”, Stuart warns his companions that they will have to control their thoughts now that everyone can hear them. While Stuart tries to discuss the quantum device and their situation, Bert’s thoughts drift to a half-remembered movie, setting off a rambling exchange with Denise and Kripke that leaves Stuart increasingly annoyed.
As Stuart explains his theory that they need to construct a “steering wheel” for the quantum device, Kripke mentions “WadioShack”. Bert chuckles inwardly at his pronunciation, only for Kripke to hear him and take offense. Bert apologizes, explaining that trying not to think about something only makes it harder. He demonstrates by telling everyone not to imagine a pink elephant, prompting the entire group to do so.
When the group visits Caltech hoping to find Howard Wolowitz, receptionist Ramona Nowitzki tells them that no one by that name works there. Bert searches online and instead locates Bernadette Rostenkowski, who runs a children’s dance studio in this reality. As they meet the foul-mouthed instructor, Bert wonders what happened to her. Bernadette hears his thought, addresses him as “Sasquatch” and recounts her troubled childhood in beauty pageants. While Stuart and Denise react sympathetically, Bert is preoccupied with her mention of Quiznos.
Back at the comic book store, Bert and Kripke eat Quiznos for lunch while Stuart and Denise spend time together in the back room. Bert identifies one advantage of telepathy: he can “talk” with his mouth full, which he demonstrates to an unimpressed Kripke.
When the group returns to Caltech with the quantum device, Bert joins the others in mentally singing “Come On Eileen” while Stuart deceives Ramona into directing them to the engineering lab. Inside the lab, Bert and his companions discover four lab-coated versions of themselves with another quantum device. When the lab-coated group escapes, Kripke activates his group’s machine in pursuit. The resulting chase carries them through the post-apocalyptic, AI-controlled, magical and tropical realities before the two groups collide in the world where humans evolved from cows.
As the two Stuarts question each other, Bert describes their predicament as “a pickle”. Lab Coat Bert shares his counterpart’s instinct to explain the situation, suggesting that Stuart Prime recruited a second group as a failsafe because he did not trust the first to succeed. Bert is impressed by his double’s reasoning, even if the others are less inclined to listen.
A third group dressed in army uniforms then arrives and seizes the lab-coated group’s device. Stuart decides to follow the soldiers, taking Bert and the others into a war-torn reality of ruined buildings, armed troops and explosions. Bert responds with a shriek of “No, thank you” as Denise urges Stuart to activate the machine again.
The group escapes to an apparently normal comic book store, at least from the waist up. When they discover that they all have the lower body of a horse, Denise says, “Oh, no.” Bert replies, “I think you mean, ‘Oh... neigh.’”
108 “Spoiler: We’re as Confused as You Are”
In the centaur reality of 108 “We're as Confused as You Are”, Bert picks up a Justice League comic book and notes that the heroes are all centaurs in this universe. He lists Superman, Batman and Green Lantern one by one until Stuart tells him that they get it. Bert then adds that Aquaman is also a centaur, except that he is a seahorse.
After Stuart decides that they must return to the war-torn reality to seize the quantum device fitted with a controller, the group finds itself serving in Charlie Company under Lieutenant Jeffries, this universe’s Gary. When Gary charges into battle and is repeatedly shot, Bert describes his death as “unnecessarily graphic”. Kripke then shoots the second-in-command, who wanted them to avenge Gary’s death.
That night in the barracks, Bert asks a restless Kripke if he is okay. When Kripke admits that he is not, Bert suggests that his conscience might be bothering him because he shot the second-in-command in the back. Kripke insists that’s not the problem. Before settling down to sleep, Bert tells Kripke that he is there for him if he works out what’s wrong.
The following morning, their new commander, Captain Williams, tries to rally the company by promising that future generations will reenact the battle in which they are about to die “noble deaths”. Bert asks what they are fighting for and is told, “Family, country, God.” When he asks what the enemy is fighting for, Williams replies, “The wrong family, the wrong country, and the wrong god.”
With another bloodbath imminent, Stuart decides they should leave this universe, but they are caught attempting to abandon their unit. In prison, Bert strikes up a conversation with their guard and learns that they are to be lined up and shot. Stuart proposes retracing their multiverse journey to grab the improved device from their lab-coated doubles, although they first need to escape custody.
During their court-martial, Stuart and Kripke argue over who should distract the guards while the other retrieves their confiscated quantum device. Bert offers to perform close-up magic if they can find him a deck of cards. As the verdict is about to be announced, he attempts to attract the judges’ attention by telling them that he is thinking of a card. Stuart and Bert’s attempts at diversion fail, and the four of them are sentenced to death by firing squad.
Before the execution, their prosecutor, Penny, believing the quantum device is for communication, offers them a life of hard labor if Stuart uses it to transmit false battle plans to the enemy. Stuart eagerly agrees, then activates the device to escape, inadvertently taking Penny with them to the centaur reality. As she struggles to understand her new surroundings and body, Bert tells her, “We’re in a universe where everyone’s a centaur. I call it the centaur universe.”
Leaving Penny behind, the group returns to the cow reality and seizes the improved device from their lab-coated doubles, becoming the soldiers they encountered earlier. Back in the war zone with both machines, Denise asks how long they have to stay. Bert replies, “Just until we follow ourselves so that they, which is we, run to the centaur world where they become us.” Kripke admits that he does not understand, prompting Stuart to exclaim that nobody does. Once their earlier selves arrive, the group activates the device again.
In another version of the Comic Center of Pasadena, a mysterious floating entity instructs Kyle and Trevor to keep the group there and never sell a particular comic book. On its cover, beneath the title Stuart Fails to Save the Universe: Trapped!, are Bert and his companions, now imprisoned inside its pages.
This page has been updated up to episode 108 Spoiler: We're as Confused as You Are