Stuart Prime: [v.o.] "Messages were sent to help him, but the big dope didn't notice."
Stuart: I'm a big dope? You're a big dope.
Denise: If you need it, there's a Fleet enema under the sink.
Stuart: Great, thanks.
Stuart Prime: "So you've gotta fix it. We're going to send you more instructions, but first, you have to escape from this prison."
Stuart: "Prison"?
Bert: [echoes] "None of this is real!" [Denise knocks again]
Stuart: Coming!

Denise: What's your plan?
Stuart: No, I don't really have one. I'm kind of new to the action genre.

Stuart: Okay, I'm just gonna say it, and forgive me if it doesn't make sense. Denise, you and I are destined to be together, and I have come from a parallel universe... uh, to "claim" you.
Denise: Well, that is really something.
Gary: Mind-blowing. [Denise chuckles]
Stuart: Okay, you're... So, you're like a running joke in all this, aren't you?
Gary: Sorry?
Stuart: Uh, it's not important.

Bert: Shall we?
Stuart: [sighs] Mm, I don't know. I'm having second thoughts.
Bert: What are you talking about? We've been given a quest.
Stuart: Yeah, but, uh, do we believe that guy?
Bert: That guy was you.
Stuart: That's my point. When did we start listening to me?

Stuart: I know it sounds crazy... but Penny was like some kind of, uh, revolutionary guerrilla leader, uh, fighting against this AI government thing that put chips in everyone's neck.
Amy Farrah Fowler: And the chips, they were inserted with magic?
Stuart: N... No, no, that's... that's the next universe. That's a... that's a completely different ball of wax.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Right, sorry. "Different ball of wax."
Stuart: And I know you. I mean, uh, from my universe. But you weren't a psychiatrist, you were... were a neurobiologist.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, good for me. And this all happened before or after the apocalypse?
Stuart: Oh, before. After civilization collapsed, there wasn't a big demand for neurobiologists. Rat farmers, sure, you know? [chuckles] People gotta eat.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Uh-huh.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Okay, uh, here's what we're gonna do. Let's keep your Shamoxil where it is, and I'm going to double your dosage on Trafederine, see if that doesn't help.
Stuart: You think I'm crazy?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh... That's not a word we like to use around here, but... [grimaces]
Stuart: Doesn't matter. I... gotta get out of this place.
Amy Farrah Fowler: To go to a different universe?
Stuart: Not just different, a good universe. You know, without giant moths, or evil demons.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Right, sure. Well, if you make progress, it's not out of the question that someday you can leave.
Stuart: Someday? What... what... what does "someday" mean?
Amy Farrah Fowler: It means a vague time in an unspecified future.
Stuart: That sounds like never to me.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, "never" is not a word we use around here. It can be upsetting.

Sherpa: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Careful there, Chachi.
Stuart: [gasps] Who are you?
Sherpa: Who am I? I'm Mamie Eisenhower. I'm a Sherpa.
Stuart: A Sherpa?
Sherpa: Hmm.
Stuart: I thought Sherpa was an ethnic group.
Sherpa: Oh, it is. I converted. I met a girl online. We did the whole thing, you know, the classes, the ceremony. Then she goes back to her ex.
Stuart: I don't know what to say. Uh, I'm sorry?
Sherpa: Oh, no, I'm... I'm working through it. I'm in therapy. I'm thinking about ayahuasca.
Stuart: I... I think that's a good idea.
Sherpa: I don't know. We'll find out.