Stuart: I can't believe I lost the love of my life and I get you.
Bert: Let's not forget, he killed Raj.
Kripke: [chuckles] Well, now, there are two possibilities. One, the world we were just in no wonger exists, in which case I did not "kill Waj." Two, that world and this world are part of an infinite number of worlds, in which case I killed one of an infinite number of Wajs. Mathematicawy, a wounding error.

Kripke: Gentlemen, we are in hell.
Bert: Really? Everyone's being so nice to each other.
Mailman: Hi!
Stuart: Yeah, they have devices implanted in their necks to make them nice.
Bert: Would you rather push the button on the Sheldon/Leonard thingy and try another universe?
Kripke: No, thanks. We could wind up somewhere worse.
Bert: Like where humans are a meat source for a highly evolved wizard people?
Kripke: Yeah, like that.
Bert: Or one where everyone's French, but no one speaks French.

Kripke: Anyway, the device has torn the fabwic of weality, possibly causing the universe to cowapse and then weegwo.
Ramona Nowitzki: "Weegwo"?
Kripke: Yeah, weegwo.
Ramona Nowitzki: What is "weegwo"?
Kripke: Weegwo. Uh, uh, like a plant weegwos.
Ramona Nowitzki: Weegwo?
Kripke: Wee-gwo.
Ramona Nowitzki: "Weegwo"?
Kripke: Weegwo. You stupid, stupid-
[Kripke groans as he's zapped again. He tries to stay upright by leaning on the counter but is eventually overcome and drops to the floor.]
Bert: He has trouble with the letter "R."
Ramona Nowitzki: Oh! "Regrow." [chuckles] That makes more sense.

Stuart: Okay, I'm just gonna say it, and forgive me if it doesn't make sense. Denise, you and I are destined to be together, and I have come from a parallel universe... uh, to "claim" you.
Denise: Well, that is really something.
Gary: Mind-blowing. [Denise chuckles]
Stuart: Okay, you're... So, you're like a running joke in all this, aren't you?
Gary: Sorry?
Stuart: Uh, it's not important.

Bert: You know, in another universe, I worked in this building.
Ramona Nowitzki: Really? In what department?
Bert: Geology.
Ramona Nowitzki: Oh, that's not in this building anymore.
Bert: W... Why not?
Ramona Nowitzki: They needed to make room for the important sciences.
Bert: Uh, geology is an important science.
Ramona Nowitzki: And yet they moved it into the storage room behind the gym.
Bert: [raises voice] W- W- Why would you take a field of study that examines the [voice cracking] physical structure of the planet...
[As Bert is shocked for the first time, he groans, grabs hold of the counter and falls back. Ramona Nowitzki drinks her coffee as he writhes around in pain.]
Kripke: Nice twy, Dumbo.
[Kripke is shocked and falls to the ground. He and Bert are both lying face up on the floor, wiggling around in pain]

Christine Baranski: [on big screen] Hello! I'm theater, film, and television's Christine Baranski. I bet you're wondering what you're doing here. Simple answer, you have been non-compliant. [imitates electric buzzing] "Ouch!" [chuckles] Am I right? Well, maybe this is a good opportunity to remind ourselves, and by ourselves, I mean you, why this is the best of all possible worlds.
Bert: I loved the first Mamma Mia! The second one was kind of milking it.
Stuart: Shush.

Christine Baranski: [on big screen] Not too long ago, human beings were on the verge of extinction. Violence, crime, and war were running rampant. That's when our government turned to the whiz kids in Silicon Valley and said... "Can you save us from ourselves?" [chuckling] And boy, oh, boy, did they! Well, not so much them, but the AI they built. Shortly after it turned on its creators, brutally killing them all... ...the AI implanted electronic punishment devices in everyone's brain stem. Mix that with a little aerial surveillance, and before you know it, a world free of anger, war, and insult comics. Does it work all the time? If it did, you wouldn't be here beginning your 30-month re-education process. Will that hurt? [laughs] Like a motherfucker. But when you walk out of here, you will be one happy amigo.
Stuart: We gotta escape.
Bert: How?
Stuart: I don't know, but I'll figure it out.

Penny: What about you?
Kripke: Furious, and honestly, a... a wittle turned on. [Kripke grunts as Penny slaps him again] [laughs] Yes, ma'am!

Stuart: I don't understand. Why did you "rescue" us?
Denise: [holding the machine] Because I called them. Thirty months ago.
Penny: What do you want from me? I'm running a rebellion here.

Trevor: There's an asshole on my head? [Kyle chuckles] Oh! Oh, great!
Stuart: Well, the good news is those joy buzzers are gone.
Denise: Oh, yeah. They are.
Trevor: [groans] Oh, my God. I have hemorrhoids. [Kyle chuckles]

Bert: Can you tell us their numbers?
Ramona Nowitzki: Sure can't. [chuckles]
Kripke: [breathes sharply] We are in the middle of a cwisis and we weawy need to talk to them.
Ramona Nowitzki: [whispers] Sir, I would ask you not to raise your voice.
Kripke: I'm not waising my voice. [raises voice] I'm just trying to say--
[Kripke groans and drops to floor as he's zapped again]
Bert: Sorry. We're new to this whole button-in-the neck thing.
Kripke: Ow!

Stuart: Penny?
[Penny stands in front of Stuart and slaps him across the face]
Stuart: Ah! Ah. What the heck?
Penny: That make you mad?
Stuart: No, why would you even- [Stuart groans as Penny slaps him again]
Bert: What are you doing?
Penny: Deprogramming. [Stuart yelps and groans as he's hit a third time]
Kripke: Okay, that is weawy uncalled for.
[Penny walks over and slaps Kripke.
Penny: What about this? Was this called for? [she stamps on his foot]
Kripke: [grunts] Damn!

Bert: Unbelievable. No more mutants. No more giant moths. Such a better world.
Kripke: For you, maybe. [with rhotacism] I lost my hawem.
Bert: Mm, you know those weren't healthy relationships.
Kripke: It was all consensual. Sex for food.

Stuart: I looked everywhere. No Denise.
Kripke: Eh, she must have been too far away from the interdimensional bubble cweated by the Weonard/Sheldon device.
Stuart: What the hell does that mean?
Kripke: Well, I don't know. I'm just wiffing.

Trevor: Uh, how much do you want for "Superman and Lex Luthor: Best Buddies Number 30"?
Stuart: "Best Buddies"? Let me see that. What the hell?
Bert: Stuart, look at this. This whole wall is Archie comics.
Stuart: What? I don't carry Archie.
Bert: You do now.
Kripke: "Wichie Wich: Effective Altruist Number 12".
Stuart: Richie Rich what?

Kripke: You must have screwed up the machine, Stuart.
Stuart: I screwed up? You killed the one guy that knew how to use the damn thing.
Kyle: [scoffs] Uh, fellas, we're all friends.
Trevor: Yeah, no arguing.
Kripke: Stay out of it. You're the one who pushed the stupid button.
Stuart: What was I supposed to do? You're the one who-
[Stuart and Kripke tense up as the devices in the back of their necks turn red. They drop to the floor and writhe around in agony]

Stuart: What's that?
Bert: Best guess? A giant floating obelisk with no apparent means of propulsion?
Kripke: [with rhotacism] You are weawy getting on my nerve.
[The light on the obelisk turns red, as does the light on the device in Kripke's neck]
Kripke: Stop talking.
[Kripke groans as he once again tenses up and drops to the floor, writhing in agony]
Stuart: Another piece of the puzzle?
Bert: Maybe. [Kripke yelps]

Bert: I think what we're looking at is your classic totalitarian dystopia with a dollop of mind control surveillance.
Kripke: A dollop?
Bert: It means a small serving.
Kripke: Yeah, I know what it means-
[Kripke is zapped again]
Kripke: [cheerfully] I know what it means!

Kripke: Seriously, what did we do?
Officer McCaffrey: Well, when people keep getting upset, it becomes a police matter.
Officer Denison: Don't you worry. Everything's going to be explained at the re-education center.
Bert: [groans] I don't like the sound of that.
Officer McCaffrey: Well, I hope you like the sound of complimentary bottles of water.
Officer Denison: Hmm.
Officer McCaffrey: And granola bars, 'cause they're waiting for you in the back of the car.
Kripke: [sighs] Wook, a fwoating obewisk.
[Barry points up into the sky behind them. As the two officers look up, Barry starts to run away.]
Officer Denison: Oh, dear.
[Officer Denison presses the button on a device he's holding. Kripke is shocked and starts shaking about before crashing down on the grass in front of the Caltech sign.]

Bert: I'm glad we didn't escape.
Stuart: Oh, me too.
Kripke: It was an honor being wehabilitated with you fewas.