Stuart: How's it looking?
Captain Siebert: I had a chance to talk to the judges, and I've examined the evidence against you.
Denise: And?
Captain Siebert: And this shouldn't take too long.
Stuart: Because we're innocent?
Captain Siebert: Sure.

Stuart: Say something. Defend us!
Captain Siebert: Your Honors, I'd like to speak on my client's behalf.
General Adams: Go ahead.
Captain Siebert: Thank you. [Penny is twirling her hair] Do we really know what happened in the fog of war?
Penny: We have video.
Captain Siebert: Let me start again. Though clearly guilty, wouldn't we, as a nation of God-fearing men and women... ...best display our values by showing mercy to these miserable, undeserving wretches?
General Adams: No.
Captain Siebert: [to Stuart] Have you got anything?

Penny: Captain.
Captain Siebert: Major.
Penny: Are these your traitors?
Captain Siebert: Yes. I mean, they're presumed not to be, but yes.
Kripke: I weawy don't like the way this is going.

General Adams: Captain Siebert, can you explain what we have here?
Captain Siebert: A moment. [Stuart whispers indistinctly to Captain Siebert about the device] No.
Penny: The evidence against these four is irrefutable. The only possible penalty is death. By firing squad.
Captain Siebert: That's how she got the nickname.

Sergeant: Charlie Company, fall in! All right, listen up! Lieutenant has a few words to say.
Gary: Thank you, Sergeant. Charlie Company, there's no easy way to say this. Alpha Company didn't make it back. Bravo Company didn't make it back. And if you're familiar with the alphabet, you're up.
Kripke: Ah, shit.
Gary: We're outgunned. We're outmanned. And we're facing a lethal and merciless enemy. All right. We're gonna say a little prayer. Everybody take a knee. Atheists, sit, stand. Your choice. [all kneel] Lord, we're probably coming home to you today. [Sergeant nods] 'Cause near as I can figure, we're marching straight into a monumental ass-reaming. So, polish up the pearly gates. We'll be seeing you soon.
Bert: Amen.

Captain Richard Williams: Now listen, I get that you're all shitting the proverbial brick right now. Totally understandable. But as your commanding officer, it is incumbent upon me to raise your spirits, to give you hope. So, I want you to think about this. Many years from now, overweight men will dress up in uniforms just like you're wearing. And others will dress up like the enemy. And they will reenact the battle you are about to fight. But afterwards, they'll go out for beer and wings and talk about how you died a noble death. A noble death. Kind of tickles the balls, don't it? [chuckles] All right, any questions? [Bert raises his hand] Yes, soldier.
Bert: What exactly are we fighting for?
Captain Richard Williams: Family, country, God.
Bert: What is the enemy fighting for?
Captain Richard Williams: The wrong family, the wrong country, and the wrong god. Oh, and one last thing. We're running low on morphine, so, uh, try not to get wounded. Okay, let's go kill those bastards.

Kripke: So, where is this other machine, oh, gwowious weader?
Stuart: Can you not be an asshole for, like, a minute?
Kripke: I'd wike to, but, uh, it's kind of my brand.