Raj Koothrappali: Pay attention! Leonard, Sheldon, and Howard. They built a vari-state quantum interference device.
Bert: That would have been my guess.
Raj Koothrappali: It malfunctioned, and it changed everything, right? The universe, uh, history... [whispers] ...reality.
Stuart: Yeah, yeah, great. How... How do we fix it?
Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, that's a toughie. Why you ask? [pants] Wait, did you ask? I assume you ask. It's a toughie because we're all prisoners of the Evil One. And the Evil One likes everything to stay just... [whispers] ...as it is.
Denise: Who's the Evil One?
Raj Koothrappali: [groans] I can't say his name! If I say his name, bad things happen.
Stuart: [sighs] Sorry, is it Voldemort?
Raj Koothrappali: I wish it was Voldemort. That's a guy you can reason with.

Raj Koothrappali: Everybody, listen to me! The universe is collapsing. We're running out of time! We must take action before it's too late. No one is safe. Ignore me all you want, but it's coming for you! The end times are near, people!
Denise: Look, it's Raj.
Stuart: Oh, he's not dead here. That's nice.
Raj Koothrappali: Oh, you think you can go on? Living your little lives in your little houses? It's coming for you! It's coming for all of you!

Stuart: What are you doing here?
Raj Koothrappali: Isn't it obvious? I'm in a locked room. I haven't changed my underwear in years, and I crap in a bucket!
Bert: So, you're like a prisoner?
Raj Koothrappali: I rode an elephant to my wedding and now I crap in a bucket!
Bert: Congratulations. Uh, on the wedding thing.
Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, a moth ate her.

Bert: Stuart, please come back.
Raj Koothrappali: Oh, move towards the light!
Stuart: No.

Bert: Shall we?
Stuart: [sighs] Mm, I don't know. I'm having second thoughts.
Bert: What are you talking about? We've been given a quest.
Stuart: Yeah, but, uh, do we believe that guy?
Bert: That guy was you.
Stuart: That's my point. When did we start listening to me?

Denise: What's your plan?
Stuart: No, I don't really have one. I'm kind of new to the action genre.

Stuart: So, what have you been up to?
Denise: Robbing mostly. Still working on my screenplay.
Stuart: Oh, good for you.