Denise: What is going on?
Stuart: Wild guess? We've landed in a universe where magic is real.
Denise: Wait, this machine actually worked? We're in another universe?
Stuart: It's, uh... It's crazy, right?
Denise: [gasps] There's magic here?
Stuart: What else explains the, uh, asshole on Trevor's head?

Stuart: So, what have you been up to?
Denise: Robbing mostly. Still working on my screenplay.
Stuart: Oh, good for you.

Denise: So, what were you in the before times?
Soldier #2: No talking.
Denise: Come on, I'm gonna die anyway.
Soldier #2: I had a podcast. Vitamins, gut health.
Denise: Nice.
Soldier #2: I had Gwyneth Paltrow on.
Denise: Oh, my God, I think I heard that. No, how a good gut biome prevents dementia.
Soldier #2: Yes!

Raj Koothrappali: Anyway, I... I... I've had time to... to... to figure it all out, and there's definitely something wrong with this reality. See? I... I prove it here and here, and the numbers, they don't lie.
Denise: So, you were telling the truth?
Stuart: You didn't believe me?
Denise: That an alternate version of you told you how to save the universe? No, not for a minute. [scoffs]

Stuart: I can't believe I lost the love of my life and I get you.
Bert: Let's not forget, he killed Raj.
Kripke: [chuckles] Well, now, there are two possibilities. One, the world we were just in no wonger exists, in which case I did not "kill Waj." Two, that world and this world are part of an infinite number of worlds, in which case I killed one of an infinite number of Wajs. Mathematicawy, a wounding error.

Kripke: Gentlemen, we are in hell.
Bert: Really? Everyone's being so nice to each other.
Mailman: Hi!
Stuart: Yeah, they have devices implanted in their necks to make them nice.
Bert: Would you rather push the button on the Sheldon/Leonard thingy and try another universe?
Kripke: No, thanks. We could wind up somewhere worse.
Bert: Like where humans are a meat source for a highly evolved wizard people?
Kripke: Yeah, like that.
Bert: Or one where everyone's French, but no one speaks French.

Kripke: Anyway, the device has torn the fabwic of weality, possibly causing the universe to cowapse and then weegwo.
Ramona Nowitzki: "Weegwo"?
Kripke: Yeah, weegwo.
Ramona Nowitzki: What is "weegwo"?
Kripke: Weegwo. Uh, uh, like a plant weegwos.
Ramona Nowitzki: Weegwo?
Kripke: Wee-gwo.
Ramona Nowitzki: "Weegwo"?
Kripke: Weegwo. You stupid, stupid-
[Kripke groans as he's zapped again. He tries to stay upright by leaning on the counter but is eventually overcome and drops to the floor.]
Bert: He has trouble with the letter "R."
Ramona Nowitzki: Oh! "Regrow." [chuckles] That makes more sense.