Raj Koothrappali: Can you keep it down?
Stuart: Raj?
Raj Koothrappali: Maybe. Possibly. Who wants to know?
Stuart: Raj, it's me, Stuart, from the comic book store.
Raj Koothrappali: Stuart?
Stuart: Yes, and... and Bert Kibbler. You know Bert?
Raj Koothrappali: Bert?
Stuart: And Denise. Remember Denise?
Raj Koothrappali: [chuckles deliriously] This isn't real. [stammers] This is... this is a hallucination!
Stuart: No. No, no, no. We're here. It's real.
Bert: That's kind of what a hallucination would say. [Stuart looks at Bert to suggest "Why would you say that?"]

Stuart: What are you doing here?
Raj Koothrappali: Isn't it obvious? I'm in a locked room. I haven't changed my underwear in years, and I crap in a bucket!
Bert: So, you're like a prisoner?
Raj Koothrappali: I rode an elephant to my wedding and now I crap in a bucket!
Bert: Congratulations. Uh, on the wedding thing.
Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, a moth ate her.

Bert: Stuart, please come back.
Raj Koothrappali: Oh, move towards the light!
Stuart: No.

Stuart: Denise. Where's Denise?
Bert: They took her.
Stuart: No, no! No, no, no, no! [stammers] I have to do something!
Raj Koothrappali: Or...
Stuart: Or what?
Raj Koothrappali: You move on, you meet someone new, and they get eaten by a moth on your honeymoon.

Stuart: So, what have you been up to?
Denise: Robbing mostly. Still working on my screenplay.
Stuart: Oh, good for you.

Denise: Funny story, actually, uh, Gary was seeing my friend Lisa.
Gary: Oh, nice girl. Yeah, Jewish.
Denise: Yeah, and anyway, Lisa got eaten by cannibals in Sherman Oaks.
Stuart: Oh, no.
Denise: Mm-hmm.
Bert: Human meat isn't kosher, but I guess that only matters if the cannibals are also Jewish.

Bert: Shall we?
Stuart: [sighs] Mm, I don't know. I'm having second thoughts.
Bert: What are you talking about? We've been given a quest.
Stuart: Yeah, but, uh, do we believe that guy?
Bert: That guy was you.
Stuart: That's my point. When did we start listening to me?