Kyle: Oh, excuse me. I was about to buy that Necronomicon.
Trevor: [scoffs] Get over yourself. You can't handle this level of magic. Uh... here. Alchemy for Dummies. That's more your speed.
Kyle: [scoffs] I'll show you my speed. Sempe faldinide un pera!
[As Kyle waves his wand, a snake emerges from Trevor's mouth and wraps itself around his body]
Denise: Oh, my God. What happened? Where are we?
Trevor: Make it stop! [serpent hisses] Please!
Stuart: Uh... Hang on. Kyle?
Kyle: [chuckles] I wasn't really gonna kill him.
Stuart: Stop!
Kyle: [sighs] Fine. [snake hisses] Dnim reven.

Stuart: Where the hell are we?
Kyle: Nowhere.
Stuart: What do you mean "nowhere"?
Kyle: You know somewhere?
Stuart: Yeah.
Kyle: This ain't that.

Denise: Wait, so we're trapped here forever?
Kyle: Uh, no, no. Forever is a time. We're here always.

Kyle: Here's a good one. You're all underwater. You got gills.
Denise: We were never underwater.
Kyle: Huh. Maybe it hasn't happened yet.

Stuart: Okay, I'm just gonna say it, and forgive me if it doesn't make sense. Denise, you and I are destined to be together, and I have come from a parallel universe... uh, to "claim" you.
Denise: Well, that is really something.
Gary: Mind-blowing. [Denise chuckles]
Stuart: Okay, you're... So, you're like a running joke in all this, aren't you?
Gary: Sorry?
Stuart: Uh, it's not important.

Christine Baranski: [on big screen] Not too long ago, human beings were on the verge of extinction. Violence, crime, and war were running rampant. That's when our government turned to the whiz kids in Silicon Valley and said... "Can you save us from ourselves?" [chuckling] And boy, oh, boy, did they! Well, not so much them, but the AI they built. Shortly after it turned on its creators, brutally killing them all... ...the AI implanted electronic punishment devices in everyone's brain stem. Mix that with a little aerial surveillance, and before you know it, a world free of anger, war, and insult comics. Does it work all the time? If it did, you wouldn't be here beginning your 30-month re-education process. Will that hurt? [laughs] Like a motherfucker. But when you walk out of here, you will be one happy amigo.
Stuart: We gotta escape.
Bert: How?
Stuart: I don't know, but I'll figure it out.

Stuart: I can't believe I lost the love of my life and I get you.
Bert: Let's not forget, he killed Raj.
Kripke: [chuckles] Well, now, there are two possibilities. One, the world we were just in no wonger exists, in which case I did not "kill Waj." Two, that world and this world are part of an infinite number of worlds, in which case I killed one of an infinite number of Wajs. Mathematicawy, a wounding error.