Trevor: There's an asshole on my head? [Kyle chuckles] Oh! Oh, great!
Stuart: Well, the good news is those joy buzzers are gone.
Denise: Oh, yeah. They are.
Trevor: [groans] Oh, my God. I have hemorrhoids. [Kyle chuckles]

Stuart: Oh, uh, just one more thing. Kyle, Trevor. Denise and I are gonna leave this universe 'cause I'm on a mission to prevent the destruction of reality itself.
Kyle: Okay.
Trevor: Sure, yeah.
Denise: You really don't have any questions?
Trevor: I got one. This Batman #608 has a water stain. Any flexibility on price?
Stuart: No. Goodbye, guys.
[After Stuart activates the machine, he and Denise are absorbed by an interdimensional bubble and disappear with the device]
Kyle: I think you can just take it.

Kyle: Ah, ah, what are you doing?
Trevor: It said, "don't sell," not "don't read."
Kyle: First of all, "it" is a he.
Trevor: You don't know that.
Kyle: [sighs] It sounds like a he.
Trevor: You're making a gender-based assumption.
Kyle: When has an omnipotent swirling bowl of shit ever been a girl?
Trevor: There are plenty of all-powerful goddesses. Gaia, Hera, the hot chick in American Gods who sucked guys up into her business.
Kyle: [sighs] Put it back.
Trevor: Narc.

Kyle: What?
Trevor: I was reading the comic, and they're not on the cover anymore...
Kyle: You idiot. Where are they?
Trevor: Don't panic. They're flying to Central City. It's kind of boring. Denise has diarrhea.

Christine Baranski: [on big screen] Not too long ago, human beings were on the verge of extinction. Violence, crime, and war were running rampant. That's when our government turned to the whiz kids in Silicon Valley and said... "Can you save us from ourselves?" [chuckling] And boy, oh, boy, did they! Well, not so much them, but the AI they built. Shortly after it turned on its creators, brutally killing them all... ...the AI implanted electronic punishment devices in everyone's brain stem. Mix that with a little aerial surveillance, and before you know it, a world free of anger, war, and insult comics. Does it work all the time? If it did, you wouldn't be here beginning your 30-month re-education process. Will that hurt? [laughs] Like a motherfucker. But when you walk out of here, you will be one happy amigo.
Stuart: We gotta escape.
Bert: How?
Stuart: I don't know, but I'll figure it out.

Stuart: Okay, I'm just gonna say it, and forgive me if it doesn't make sense. Denise, you and I are destined to be together, and I have come from a parallel universe... uh, to "claim" you.
Denise: Well, that is really something.
Gary: Mind-blowing. [Denise chuckles]
Stuart: Okay, you're... So, you're like a running joke in all this, aren't you?
Gary: Sorry?
Stuart: Uh, it's not important.

Stuart: I can't believe I lost the love of my life and I get you.
Bert: Let's not forget, he killed Raj.
Kripke: [chuckles] Well, now, there are two possibilities. One, the world we were just in no wonger exists, in which case I did not "kill Waj." Two, that world and this world are part of an infinite number of worlds, in which case I killed one of an infinite number of Wajs. Mathematicawy, a wounding error.