Kyle: Ah, ah, what are you doing?
Trevor: It said, "don't sell," not "don't read."
Kyle: First of all, "it" is a he.
Trevor: You don't know that.
Kyle: [sighs] It sounds like a he.
Trevor: You're making a gender-based assumption.
Kyle: When has an omnipotent swirling bowl of shit ever been a girl?
Trevor: There are plenty of all-powerful goddesses. Gaia, Hera, the hot chick in American Gods who sucked guys up into her business.
Kyle: [sighs] Put it back.
Trevor: Narc.

Stuart: Let's see. Uh... City Hall, Wayne Tower, two miles down that way, Arkham Asylum. We're in Gotham City. Home of... Anyone?
Denise: [in gruff voice] Batman. [chuckles]
Stuart: How can I not love you?
Bert: So what? We just find Batman and he'll get us out of here?
Stuart: Denise.
Denise: [still in gruff voice] Batman won't help you. He's just a rich asshole with dead parents.
Kripke: Yeah, that's only funny once.
Denise: [still in gruff voice] Go fuck yourself.

Bert: If we need a superhero, why not just get Superman?
Stuart: So just get Superman? There's no way we can get Superman. He's an A-list character. The Flash, on the other hand, very gettable. He'll open a supermarket.

Kyle: What?
Trevor: I was reading the comic, and they're not on the cover anymore...
Kyle: You idiot. Where are they?
Trevor: Don't panic. They're flying to Central City. It's kind of boring. Denise has diarrhea.

Kripke: Yeah, "comic books are my superpower." Where we going?
Stuart: Uh, give me a minute.
Gary: [meter dings] Meter's running.
Stuart: Maybe you can help us out. We need to find the Flash.
Gary: Oh, sure. He has an office midtown in between an H&R Block and a Quiznos.
Bert: I believe he's screwing with us.
Kripke: Thank you.
Bert: You're welcome.

[As Gary's cab slowly drives off, it is crushed by a giant block of falling ice. Blood spills out from the driver's side window and pools on the road.]
Denise: Oh, my God! Gary!
Bert: He sure does die a lot.

Denise: What's happening?
Stuart: Uh, Mr. Freeze is making an ice lasso. He's gonna-- Oh, wait, no. The Flash shook it apart with superspeed vibrations. Uh, uh, now Mr. Freeze is... He's making an ice locomotive to run over-- Oh, no, it's gone. I guess the Flash did something. I-- I couldn't see. Uh, uh, now Mr. Freeze is making a giant ice wall.
Kripke: Now it's gone. Yeah, we get it.
Bert: Why is Mr. Freeze trying to kill us?
Stuart: It doesn't matter. This is great.
Denise: How?
Stuart: Don't you get it? We're not background characters anymore. When Mr. Freeze showed up, we became the "A" story, which caused the Flash to find us. Oh, no! Oh, Mr. Freeze has frozen the Flash in a block of ice! He's helpless! Wait, no! Something's happening. Oh, it's real fast. Can't really tell what's going on. Wait, wait. Oh. A tornado is hurling Mr. Freeze into space! Holy cow! This is amazing. I wish you guys could see this.

Denise: I don't know why we couldn't just come here in the first place.
Stuart: Sorry, I thought a guy with a secret identity would have an unlisted address.
Bert: If I was a member of the Justice League, I'd live in a gated community.
Stuart: Technically, Golden Age Flash was in the Justice Society, which is the predecessor of the Justice League. [knocking on door]
Kripke: Does he talk comic books in the boudoir?
Denise: Sometimes. Ka-pow! [Stuart and Denise high-five]

Denise: We know about the accident in the lab and the bolt of lightning.
Stuart: Actually, this version of the Flash gained his super speed by inhaling radioactive vapors while taking a smoke break.
Bert: Smoking and running? Really, Jay?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Well, it was a different time. [hesitates] I mean, I'm not the Flash.
Amy Farrah Fowler: [sighs] Just let 'em in.
Bert: Smell that? I think he still smokes.

Jay Garrick / The Flash: So wait, you're telling me in one of the universes, you had cow stomachs and ate grass?
Kripke: In one, I was a penguin.
Bert: Sorry about that.
Kripke: No, I had it coming.

Amy Farrah Fowler: I made rugelach.
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Thanks, honey.
Amy Farrah Fowler: So, what's this all about?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: They want me to use the Cosmic Treadmill to get back to their universe.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, great. Let them have it so I can park my car in the damn garage.

Jay Garrick / The Flash: They can't operate it without my super speed.
Denise: Oh, can I ask you a personal question about that?
Amy Farrah Fowler: It's over before I even know it started.
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Amy.
Amy Farrah Fowler: She asked.

Kripke: Well, wucky for you, we're not hanging awound.
[Kripke scoffs and chuckles. When he opens the door to the comic book store to leave, his demeanour suddenly changes as he almost falls into an endless black void]
Kripke: Holy cwap! Ah, fellas, you might want to take a wook.
Kyle: Oh, oh, uh, um...
Stuart: This is not Pasadena. [audience laughing]
Kripke: What the hell was that?

Denise: Oh, thank God. We're out.
Bert: Actually, we're deeper in.
Kripke: Deeper into a comic book?
Bert: Pretty cool, huh?
Kripke: No, not pretty cool. How do we proceed now, my wiege?
Stuart: How's this? You walk that way, we'll walk this way, and hopefully never see each other again.
Kripke: Whoa, where is this hostiwity coming from?

Stuart: Wait a second. Wait a second. Cosmic Treadmill.
Kripke: Cosmic-what now?
Denise: Brilliant. The Flash. He has the Cosmic Treadmill.
Kripke: At the wisk of sounding wedundant, cosmic-what now?
Denise: Cosmic Treadmill. It allows the Flash to move between universes.
Kripke: Tweadmill? Like at 24 Hour Fitness?
Stuart: No, but yeah.
Kripke: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Kripke: [sighs] Okay, where do we wocate Mr. Flash?
Stuart: He's in Central City.
Kripke: And where is that?
Stuart: According to DC canon, roughly around Kansas City.
Kripke: Tewwific. And we are in...
Stuart: We're- We're in New Jersey.
Bert: Gotham City isn't New York?
Denise: No, and guess what? Metropolis is in Delaware.
Bert: No way.
Stuart: Way. Amazing World of DC Comics #14. They're twin cities.

Ramona Nowitzki: [over P.A.] All right, folks, I've got good news and bad news. Looks like they cleared up the maintenance issue, but our crew has timed out, so we're gonna have to wait for the backup crew to show up. In the meantime, we're handing out ten-dollar meal vouchers. Pro tip, avoid the airport sushi.
Stuart: You hungry?
Denise: I hate to say it, but now I want sushi.

Kripke: I don't get it. We're in an action-packed comic book. How is sitting for hours in an airport a story?
[A sequence of comic book panels shows the group milling around the departure lounge; Stuart handing Denise a tray of sushi; Denise eating it; her face becoming bloated; and her walking away with her cheeks full, still carrying the tray. Denise then reaches the women's toilets in pain; she searches for a vacant stall; she enters one, with her shoes visible beneath the door. She returns to the group carrying a bottle of Pepto-Bismol, which she consumes as she sits down.]
[Cut to the comic book store, where Trevor holds Stuart Fails to Save the Universe TRAPPED! open to pages showing those same panels.]

Amy Farrah Fowler: [opens door] Can I help you?
Stuart: Amy?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Yes?
Stuart: Is this the Garrick residence?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Yes.
Stuart: Uh, I'm... I'm confused. Jay Garrick's girlfriend is Joan.
Amy Farrah Fowler: [scoffs] Joan. Joan took her Subaru and headed to Portland, if you know what I mean.

Jay Garrick / The Flash: All right. If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna need to change.
[Jay gets up and walks over to some recessed shelves. He grabs a light fitting on the wall and pushes it upwards. The shelves part to reveal a closet containing his The Flash costume]
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Amy, where's my helmet?
Amy Farrah Fowler: [o.s.] In the secret closet.
Jay Garrick / The Flash: No, it's not.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Are you even looking?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Yes, I'm looking. I see your rollerblades. What are your rollerblades doing in my secret closet?
Amy Farrah Fowler: I don't know. What's your cosmic treadmill doing in the garage?