Stuart: Penny?
[Penny stands in front of Stuart and slaps him across the face]
Stuart: Ah! Ah. What the heck?
Penny: That make you mad?
Stuart: No, why would you even- [Stuart groans as Penny slaps him again]
Bert: What are you doing?
Penny: Deprogramming. [Stuart yelps and groans as he's hit a third time]
Kripke: Okay, that is weawy uncalled for.
[Penny walks over and slaps Kripke.]
Penny: What about this? Was this called for? [she stamps on his foot]
Kripke: [grunts] Damn!

Stuart: I don't understand. Why did you "rescue" us?
Denise: [holding the machine] Because I called them. Thirty months ago.
Penny: What do you want from me? I'm running a rebellion here.

General Adams: So entered. Major, would you like to make an opening statement?
Penny: Thank you, sir. [clears throat] In front of you sit four of the most foul, pathetic, loathsome creatures to ever wear the uniform.
Bert: Ouch.
Penny: We've all been witness to their cowardice, but even more heinous was the discovery of this device, clearly a means to relay information to our enemy.

General Adams: Court finds the defendants guilty on all counts and sentences them to death by firing squad.
Penny: Sweet!

Christine Baranski: [on big screen] Not too long ago, human beings were on the verge of extinction. Violence, crime, and war were running rampant. That's when our government turned to the whiz kids in Silicon Valley and said... "Can you save us from ourselves?" [chuckling] And boy, oh, boy, did they! Well, not so much them, but the AI they built. Shortly after it turned on its creators, brutally killing them all... ...the AI implanted electronic punishment devices in everyone's brain stem. Mix that with a little aerial surveillance, and before you know it, a world free of anger, war, and insult comics. Does it work all the time? If it did, you wouldn't be here beginning your 30-month re-education process. Will that hurt? [laughs] Like a motherfucker. But when you walk out of here, you will be one happy amigo.
Stuart: We gotta escape.
Bert: How?
Stuart: I don't know, but I'll figure it out.

Stuart: Okay, I'm just gonna say it, and forgive me if it doesn't make sense. Denise, you and I are destined to be together, and I have come from a parallel universe... uh, to "claim" you.
Denise: Well, that is really something.
Gary: Mind-blowing. [Denise chuckles]
Stuart: Okay, you're... So, you're like a running joke in all this, aren't you?
Gary: Sorry?
Stuart: Uh, it's not important.

Stuart: I can't believe I lost the love of my life and I get you.
Bert: Let's not forget, he killed Raj.
Kripke: [chuckles] Well, now, there are two possibilities. One, the world we were just in no wonger exists, in which case I did not "kill Waj." Two, that world and this world are part of an infinite number of worlds, in which case I killed one of an infinite number of Wajs. Mathematicawy, a wounding error.