Stuart: [thinking] Everything looks normal.
Denise: [thinking] What'd you say?
Stuart: I said it looks normal.
Denise: Your mouth isn't moving.
Stuart: Neither is yours.
Bert: [thinking] I think we're hearing each other's thoughts.
Kripke: [thinking] That's gonna be a big pwoblem for me.
Stuart: [out loud] Why?
Kripke: [out loud] Why what?
Stuart: Why is it gonna be a big problem?
Kripke: [thinking] My mother bathed me till I was 12. [out loud] Damn it!

Stuart: Now, the instructions that came with the device are a message from whoever's trying to help me.
Kripke: [thinking] Wook at me, PhD from Stanford, and I'm taking orders from a guy who wuns a comic book store.
Stuart: You wanna be in charge, Kripke?
Kripke: [out loud] No, you're doing fine. [thinking] I'll just wait for you to fail, then make fun of you.
Stuart: Thank you. [Kripke nods his head]

Denise: What kind of universe is this?
Kripke: I don't think we made it to another universe. I think we're stuck between universes.
Denise: What exists between universes?
Kripke: Best guess? Sort of an interdimensional taint? Think of it like being stuck between the balls of one universe and the asshole of another.
Denise: You're disgusting!

Denise: Does Mr. Asshole possibly also go by Howard Wolowitz?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Who?
Kripke: He's an engineer, wooks wike a garden gnome with a Beatles haircut.

Stuart: So, you think I should do it?
Denise: I didn't say that.
Stuart: Denise, I'm not a hero. I'm a broke-ass failed artist who owns a comic book store. In fact, I'm such a failure, in every universe we go to, I own a comic book store.
Denise: No argument.
Stuart: You can argue a little.

Denise: Get us out of here!
Bert: We tried. The machine is not working.
Stuart: Because you haven't been chosen to save the universe!
Kripke: Oh, and you have?
Stuart: Denise, tell 'em!
Denise: It's true! He's him!
Stuart: Think of me like Neo, or maybe Jesus.
Denise: Oh, Jesus? Really? Just push the button!

Stuart: Oh, uh, just one more thing. Kyle, Trevor. Denise and I are gonna leave this universe 'cause I'm on a mission to prevent the destruction of reality itself.
Kyle: Okay.
Trevor: Sure, yeah.
Denise: You really don't have any questions?
Trevor: I got one. This Batman #608 has a water stain. Any flexibility on price?
Stuart: No. Goodbye, guys.
[After Stuart activates the machine, he and Denise are absorbed by an interdimensional bubble and disappear with the device]
Kyle: I think you can just take it.