Kripke: So, uh... I guess this is goodbye.
Stuart: I guess so.
Kripke: Listen, I know I haven't been the best twaveling companion.
Denise: And?
Kripke: And what?
Stuart: Goodbye, Kripke.
Kripke: Okay.

Soldier #1: All kneel... for the Grand Caliph of South Pasadena, Flintridge, and Monrovia! The Supreme Ruler of the San Gabriel Valley!
Denise: I'm not kneeling for anybody!
[The guard fires a warning shot in the air. Denise gasps and they all kneel down.]
Denise: Okay, yeah. Mm-hmm.
Kripke: Hello, pwisoners.
Stuart: Kripke?
Soldier #1: Ward Kripke.
Kripke: Not Ward. "Word."
Soldier #1: What... What'd I say?
Kripke: You said "Ward," and...

Denise: But this world is a living nightmare. Don't you wanna put things right?
Kripke: Were you not wistening? I... I got all the girls. [chuckles] By the way, uh... uh, are you...you seeing anyone or...?
Stuart: She's with me.
Denise: No, I'm not.
Stuart: [in singsong] I... I'm trying to protect you.
Bert: Hmm.
Kripke: Take the wench, wash her, bring her to my woom.
Denise: [scoffs] I'd rather die!
Kripke: I understand. Wash her and kill her.

Stuart: I can't believe I lost the love of my life and I get you.
Bert: Let's not forget, he killed Raj.
Kripke: [chuckles] Well, now, there are two possibilities. One, the world we were just in no wonger exists, in which case I did not "kill Waj." Two, that world and this world are part of an infinite number of worlds, in which case I killed one of an infinite number of Wajs. Mathematicawy, a wounding error.

Kripke: What's happening?
Stuart: You gotta try this.
Kripke: You're kidding?
Stuart: Just try it.
Kripke: [eats] This is the best damn thing I've ever put in my mouth... [with rhotacism] ...and I've put some cwazy shit in my mouth.

Bert: I've been doing a little research. It turns out this universe is pretty close to ours before the apocalypse. Couple of differences. Baseball doesn't have a DH rule and they don't have Skechers Slip-Ins. That's a drag.
Kripke: Are you weaving anything out there, buddy?
Bert: Uh, let's see. Oh, okay. John Cougar is still John Cougar. He never went back to Mellencamp.

Kripke: We don't wanna stay in Cowtown.
Denise: Why not?
Bert: We did pretty good in those other universes.
Kripke: I had sex in three out of five of them, and granted, one was with Gary, but he's a very genewous wover.