Stuart: Okay, guys. Clearly, we're gonna have to control our thoughts in this world.
Kripke: [with rhotacism] Absowutewy.
Denise: Good idea.
Bert: [thinking] This reminds me of a movie. What was the name of that movie?
Stuart: Bert, focus.
Bert: [out loud] Um, sorry. [thinking] It had that girl in it. The one who's married to what's-his-name in real life. Phoebe Cates. Nope, not Phoebe Cates.

Kripke: Gentlemen, we are in hell.
Bert: Really? Everyone's being so nice to each other.
Mailman: Hi!
Stuart: Yeah, they have devices implanted in their necks to make them nice.
Bert: Would you rather push the button on the Sheldon/Leonard thingy and try another universe?
Kripke: No, thanks. We could wind up somewhere worse.
Bert: Like where humans are a meat source for a highly evolved wizard people?
Kripke: Yeah, like that.
Bert: Or one where everyone's French, but no one speaks French.

Denise: Funny story, actually, uh, Gary was seeing my friend Lisa.
Gary: Oh, nice girl. Yeah, Jewish.
Denise: Yeah, and anyway, Lisa got eaten by cannibals in Sherman Oaks.
Stuart: Oh, no.
Denise: Mm-hmm.
Bert: Human meat isn't kosher, but I guess that only matters if the cannibals are also Jewish.

Kripke: Oh, shit.
Denise: How long do we have to stay here?
Bert: Just until we follow ourselves so that they, which is we, run to the centaur world where they become us.
Kripke: I don't understand.
Stuart: No one understands!

Ramona Nowitzki: I don't have a Howard Wolowitz.
Stuart: Are you sure?
Ramona Nowitzki: I'll check again. [keyboard keys clacking] [thinking] I'm not really checking again. Just trying to be polite.
Stuart: Huh.
Ramona Nowitzki: [out loud] Nope. No Howard Wolowitz.
Stuart: Could you give us a minute?
Ramona Nowitzki: No problem. I'll be here. [thinking] Until I drop dead because I married a drummer, and this is the only way we have health insurance.

Bert: [thinking] Weird that Kripke's thoughts have a speech impediment.

Stuart: Now, the instructions that came with the device are a message from whoever's trying to help me.
Kripke: [thinking] Wook at me, PhD from Stanford, and I'm taking orders from a guy who wuns a comic book store.
Stuart: You wanna be in charge, Kripke?
Kripke: [out loud] No, you're doing fine. [thinking] I'll just wait for you to fail, then make fun of you.
Stuart: Thank you. [Kripke nods his head]