[comic book cover:]
Kripke: Still waiting on a plan, Stuart.
Stuart: I got a plan. You want to hear my plan? Bite me.
Bert: Come on, guys.
Denise: More importantly, who trapped us here and how?
Stuart: I'm guessing it's whoever put me in that insane asylum.
Kripke: Can we please chat about this when I'm able to reach down and scratch my balls?

Soldier #1: All kneel... for the Grand Caliph of South Pasadena, Flintridge, and Monrovia! The Supreme Ruler of the San Gabriel Valley!
Denise: I'm not kneeling for anybody!
[The guard fires a warning shot in the air. Denise gasps and they all kneel down.]
Denise: Okay, yeah. Mm-hmm.
Kripke: Hello, pwisoners.
Stuart: Kripke?
Soldier #1: Ward Kripke.
Kripke: Not Ward. "Word."
Soldier #1: What... What'd I say?
Kripke: You said "Ward," and...

Denise: But this world is a living nightmare. Don't you wanna put things right?
Kripke: Were you not wistening? I... I got all the girls. [chuckles] By the way, uh... uh, are you...you seeing anyone or...?
Stuart: She's with me.
Denise: No, I'm not.
Stuart: [in singsong] I... I'm trying to protect you.
Bert: Hmm.
Kripke: Take the wench, wash her, bring her to my woom.
Denise: [scoffs] I'd rather die!
Kripke: I understand. Wash her and kill her.

Stuart: I can't believe I lost the love of my life and I get you.
Bert: Let's not forget, he killed Raj.
Kripke: [chuckles] Well, now, there are two possibilities. One, the world we were just in no wonger exists, in which case I did not "kill Waj." Two, that world and this world are part of an infinite number of worlds, in which case I killed one of an infinite number of Wajs. Mathematicawy, a wounding error.

Kyle: Ah, ah, what are you doing?
Trevor: It said, "don't sell," not "don't read."
Kyle: First of all, "it" is a he.
Trevor: You don't know that.
Kyle: [sighs] It sounds like a he.
Trevor: You're making a gender-based assumption.
Kyle: When has an omnipotent swirling bowl of shit ever been a girl?
Trevor: There are plenty of all-powerful goddesses. Gaia, Hera, the hot chick in American Gods who sucked guys up into her business.
Kyle: [sighs] Put it back.
Trevor: Narc.

Stuart: Let's see. Uh... City Hall, Wayne Tower, two miles down that way, Arkham Asylum. We're in Gotham City. Home of... Anyone?
Denise: [in gruff voice] Batman. [chuckles]
Stuart: How can I not love you?
Bert: So what? We just find Batman and he'll get us out of here?
Stuart: Denise.
Denise: [still in gruff voice] Batman won't help you. He's just a rich asshole with dead parents.
Kripke: Yeah, that's only funny once.
Denise: [still in gruff voice] Go fuck yourself.

Bert: If we need a superhero, why not just get Superman?
Stuart: So just get Superman? There's no way we can get Superman. He's an A-list character. The Flash, on the other hand, very gettable. He'll open a supermarket.