Stuart: So, wait, you know that she's unhappy and you're fine with it?
Gary: She's only unhappy when she's sober, and that's not very often.
Denise: No, no, I have a little problem with the... [clicks tongue] ...so... [chuckles]
Stuart: [chuckles nervously] Mm-hmm. Okay. What kind of crazy upside-down world is this? Denise, you have the right to be happy! [raises voice] There's no reason to stay with somebody that makes you mis--
[Stuart groans as he is zapped, causing him to fall out of the chair and writhe about on the floor in pain]
Gary: Yeah. [Stuart babbling] Rum and Coke?
Denise: Diet Coke, please.
Gary: Coming up.

Stuart: Denise, what are you doing?
Denise: Trying to keep you alive.
Gary: I don't care about your life. I'm just hoping to get laid tonight.
Denise: Gary.
Gary: Oh, uh...
Bert: Very kind. Thank you.

Gary: Well, good luck.
Denise: Yeah, nice to see you.
Stuart: Yeah, you too. Have fun with the... looting and stuff.
Bert: Ciao. [Stuart and Bert walk off]
Gary: They're gonna die.
Denise: Oh, yeah.

Gary: All right, here's how we do this. I'll create a distraction at the main gate. The three of you cut around to the side, where the trucks are going in.
Stuart: Yeah, then what?
Gary: When the trucks stop, you roll under them, grab the undercarriage, and ride on in.
Bert: You, sir, have done this before.
Gary: Well, back in the day, I was Army Special Forces.
Bert: Cool. I was a geologist.
Gary: We ready?

Stuart: I can't believe I lost the love of my life and I get you.
Bert: Let's not forget, he killed Raj.
Kripke: [chuckles] Well, now, there are two possibilities. One, the world we were just in no wonger exists, in which case I did not "kill Waj." Two, that world and this world are part of an infinite number of worlds, in which case I killed one of an infinite number of Wajs. Mathematicawy, a wounding error.

Kripke: Gentlemen, we are in hell.
Bert: Really? Everyone's being so nice to each other.
Mailman: Hi!
Stuart: Yeah, they have devices implanted in their necks to make them nice.
Bert: Would you rather push the button on the Sheldon/Leonard thingy and try another universe?
Kripke: No, thanks. We could wind up somewhere worse.
Bert: Like where humans are a meat source for a highly evolved wizard people?
Kripke: Yeah, like that.
Bert: Or one where everyone's French, but no one speaks French.

Kripke: Anyway, the device has torn the fabwic of weality, possibly causing the universe to cowapse and then weegwo.
Ramona Nowitzki: "Weegwo"?
Kripke: Yeah, weegwo.
Ramona Nowitzki: What is "weegwo"?
Kripke: Weegwo. Uh, uh, like a plant weegwos.
Ramona Nowitzki: Weegwo?
Kripke: Wee-gwo.
Ramona Nowitzki: "Weegwo"?
Kripke: Weegwo. You stupid, stupid-
[Kripke groans as he's zapped again. He tries to stay upright by leaning on the counter but is eventually overcome and drops to the floor.]
Bert: He has trouble with the letter "R."
Ramona Nowitzki: Oh! "Regrow." [chuckles] That makes more sense.