Stuart: Where have you been?
Kripke: [with rhotacism] Wooking everywhere for you.
Stuart: Have you seen Bert?
Kripke: I have not. I have not seen Bert, no.
Stuart: Should we be worried?
Kripke: Were you worried about me?
Stuart: Not really, no.
Kripke: Well, there you go.

Stuart: Now, the instructions that came with the device are a message from whoever's trying to help me.
Kripke: [thinking] Wook at me, PhD from Stanford, and I'm taking orders from a guy who wuns a comic book store.
Stuart: You wanna be in charge, Kripke?
Kripke: [out loud] No, you're doing fine. [thinking] I'll just wait for you to fail, then make fun of you.
Stuart: Thank you. [Kripke nods his head]

Denise: What kind of universe is this?
Kripke: I don't think we made it to another universe. I think we're stuck between universes.
Denise: What exists between universes?
Kripke: Best guess? Sort of an interdimensional taint? Think of it like being stuck between the balls of one universe and the asshole of another.
Denise: You're disgusting!

Denise: Does Mr. Asshole possibly also go by Howard Wolowitz?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Who?
Kripke: He's an engineer, wooks wike a garden gnome with a Beatles haircut.

Wil Wheaton: [voice echoes] Stuart Bloom!
Stuart: Wil Wheaton?
Wil Wheaton: Did you give blood to Bernadette Rostenkowski?
Stuart: A little. Why?
Wil Wheaton: Oh, you stupid, stupid man. The guild sanctioned her for a reason.
Kripke: Oh, yeah, the dog. [nods]
Wil Wheaton: What dog? She's a demon.
Stuart: Oh, she can be a little bitchy. I wouldn't call her a demon.

Kripke: We gotta get out of here.
Stuart: Why? It's not such a bad world. We could chill here for a while.
Kripke: Stuart, the people here think science is evil.
Stuart: How's that different from our world?

Stuart: Besides, we can't leave without Bert and Denise.
Kripke: [chuckles] Bert will be fine, and you can always get a new Denise in the next universe. They're a dime a dozen.
Stuart: No, I want this one. She's got a little problem with the sauce, but so did my mom. Maybe that's why I'm finding her so attractive.