Stuart: So, did you use your powers during the strike?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: My neighbor's son had a dog. A little rescue. Adorable. Called him Chocolate Chip because he kind of looked like a cookie. [Stuart and Kripke chuckle softly] Anyway, he ran out into traffic and a car hit him.
Stuart: Hmm.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Then another car. [Stuart exhales] Then another one. Then another one.
Stuart: Got it. Cars.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: The kid's crying. I couldn't stand there and do nothing. So, I used my powers to bring Chocolate Chip back to life.
Kripke: I don't see how that's bweaking a stwike.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Exactly. Let me tell you something about Wizards Guild of America. Ninety percent of them don't even work, and yet they get to vote.
Kripke: [whispers] Ninety. Wow.

Bert: [thinking] What happened to you?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: I'll tell you what happened, Sasquatch. I had an alcoholic mother try to live out her dreams by dressing me up, shoving me in beauty pageants, feeding me diet pills to keep me skinny, all so I could become Miss California Quiznos 1999.
Denise: [thinking] Aw.
Stuart: [thinking] Sad.
Bert: [still thinking] Quiznos. Yum.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: All right, take five, drink some juice, drink some vodka. I don't care. [to the group] Can I help you?
Stuart: You don't know us?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Were we in rehab together? 'Cause a lot of that's a blur.
Bert: You're Bernadette Rostenkowski?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: That's my maiden name. My married name is Bernadette Asshole.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: What is wrong with you girls? Come on, pick up your feet. You're like a bunch of baby hippos.
Rebecca: [thinking] Die, bitch, die.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: You think about your mother with that mind?

Kripke: We gotta get out of here.
Stuart: Why? It's not such a bad world. We could chill here for a while.
Kripke: Stuart, the people here think science is evil.
Stuart: How's that different from our world?

Wil Wheaton: [voice echoes] Stuart Bloom!
Stuart: Wil Wheaton?
Wil Wheaton: Did you give blood to Bernadette Rostenkowski?
Stuart: A little. Why?
Wil Wheaton: Oh, you stupid, stupid man. The guild sanctioned her for a reason.
Kripke: Oh, yeah, the dog. [nods]
Wil Wheaton: What dog? She's a demon.
Stuart: Oh, she can be a little bitchy. I wouldn't call her a demon.

Stuart: Besides, we can't leave without Bert and Denise.
Kripke: [chuckles] Bert will be fine, and you can always get a new Denise in the next universe. They're a dime a dozen.
Stuart: No, I want this one. She's got a little problem with the sauce, but so did my mom. Maybe that's why I'm finding her so attractive.