Stuart: Well, at least we got lots of stuff to read. [studio audience laughing]
Kripke: Okay. None of you heard that? [gasps] Ha! [studio audience laughing] Ah, there it is again!

Stuart: Now, the instructions that came with the device are a message from whoever's trying to help me.
Kripke: [thinking] Wook at me, PhD from Stanford, and I'm taking orders from a guy who wuns a comic book store.
Stuart: You wanna be in charge, Kripke?
Kripke: [out loud] No, you're doing fine. [thinking] I'll just wait for you to fail, then make fun of you.
Stuart: Thank you. [Kripke nods his head]

Denise: What kind of universe is this?
Kripke: I don't think we made it to another universe. I think we're stuck between universes.
Denise: What exists between universes?
Kripke: Best guess? Sort of an interdimensional taint? Think of it like being stuck between the balls of one universe and the asshole of another.
Denise: You're disgusting!

Denise: Does Mr. Asshole possibly also go by Howard Wolowitz?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Who?
Kripke: He's an engineer, wooks wike a garden gnome with a Beatles haircut.

Stuart: Where the hell are we?
Kyle: Nowhere.
Stuart: What do you mean "nowhere"?
Kyle: You know somewhere?
Stuart: Yeah.
Kyle: This ain't that.

Denise: Wait, so we're trapped here forever?
Kyle: Uh, no, no. Forever is a time. We're here always.

Kyle: The consciousness was deeply unhappy about creation. It hated everything about it. Uh, the planets, the stars, uh, salsa dancing. [chuckles] Vaseline, everything. It missed the peace and silence of infinite nothing.
Bert: I get that.
Kripke: What do you mean you get that?
Bert: You ever been to Costco on a Black Friday? It can be very upsetting.