Denise: Any food left?
Bert: Dumpling meat. [studio audience laughing]

[Bert, Stuart and Denise hold their hands up as they're surrounded by armed guards]
Bert: Tell them about the alternate version of you.
Stuart: Shush!

Bert: Oh, wow!
Stuart: What?
Bert: This used to be my Geology classroom. I opened so many young minds here.

Soldier #1: Sorry, fellas. Time to die.
Bert: Agreed. Catch.
Soldier #1: What the...?
[After an explosion, the guys are covered in the soldier's blood]
Stuart: I love you!
Bert: I love you too.
Raj Koothrappali: Let's go!

Chana: Why are you crying?
Bert: I'm just not used to being happy.

Chana: Now that we've made love, shall I prepare you a wonderful meal?
Bert: Wow. You really get me. [Chana kisses Bert's cheek] Oh. Do you guys have French toast?

Stuart: Oh, good. Bert, I figured out how to get us out of here.
Bert: What about, "Nice to see you, Bert"? "What's going on, Bert?"
Denise: All right, what's going on?
Bert: I'm getting married.
Stuart: What?
Bert: Yeah, I asked Chana to marry me. She said yes.
Denise: Does she even know what marriage is?
Bert: No, and don't you tell her.

Bert: [thinking] My dad used to own a Datsun...

Mr. Freeze: Stuart Bloom!
Bert: He's not here.