[As Stuart and Denise join Bert and Kripke in falling through the endless void, the newcomers scream]
Kripke: Yeah, wight. Give it a west.
Stuart: [shouting] Give it a rest? Are you crazy?
Denise: What is happening?
Bert: We're falling.
Stuart: Yeah, we got that!

Stuart: Now, according to this, the reason we can't restore the prime universe to its original state is we're moving laterally, when we should be moving along a fourth-dimensional axis.
Kripke: Time!
Stuart: Time.
Bert: [thinking] ♪ Keeps on slippin' Slippin', slippin' ♪ ♪ Into the future ♪
Denise: [thinking] ♪ Into the future ♪
Stuart: You done?
Denise: [out loud] Sorry.
Bert: [out loud] Sorry.

Traveler: [sighs] Guys, please! The machine is still at Caltech. Here's what you have to do.
Stuart: Hang on, let me write this down. "Cal..." Oh, shoot! [shakes pen]
Bert: What is shaking it gonna do?
Traveler: Stop talking and listen.
Bert: You know, I might have a Sharpie, excuse me.
Traveler: Listen! When you get to the machine... [garbled speech] Damn it!
Stuart: W... What's happening?
Traveler: I don't know! I'm going through some kind of wormhole! [groans] The important thing is... [garbled speech] And... And when you find him... [garbled speech] And that will fix everything. [The traveler disappears]
Stuart: You get any of that?
Bert: I got the gist.

[Penny raises her hand against Bert]
Bert: I'm mad, I'm mad!

Bert: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: Bert!
Kripke: Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit!
[As Kripke tries to leave the store, Bert waves his hands and a brick wall blocks the door]
Stuart: What was that?
Bert: Oh, yeah. I'm magic now. Watch.
[Bert holds out his hand and Kripke shrinks down and turns into a penguin]

Bert: You know, I feel the same way about Green Arrow.
Stuart: Yeah, we all do but you don't have to kill people.
[Stuart and Bert throw Trevor's dead body into the portal]
Stuart: Bye!

Stuart: He can't be me.
Bert: He looks like you.
Traveler: Senior prom, Emily Manhart, peach schnapps. She was ready to go. You puked in her lap.
Bert: Sounds like you.
Stuart: At least I went to my senior prom.
Bert: I couldn't go. I had mono.

Stuart: Oh, that looks bad.
Bert: Because of all the guns?
Stuart: Yes, because of all the guns.

Stuart: Where's Denise?
Bert: I don't know.
Stuart: I can't lose her again.
Bert: Don't worry, she's out there, and we'll find her. Everything's back to normal.
[As the camera pans behind them, the three guys all have an electronic device with a green light implanted in the back of their necks]

Bert: Uh-oh, that's not supposed to be there.
Stuart: What just happened?
Kripke: I don't know.
Bert: I have a hypothesis.
Stuart: I'm listening.
Bert: Did you notice the thing on the back of your necks?
Kripke: What? What thing?
Bert: Humor me.

Stuart: Who are they? [mob clamoring outside the comic book store window]
Bert: Oh, yeah. They're my acolytes.
Stuart: Acolytes?
Bert: Yeah. They worship me. See the really pretty one? I got to first base.
Stuart: Oh, happy for you.

Bert: This is not the wedding I dreamed of.

Stuart: Okay, okay. We have to figure out where we are and what we need to do to get where it is we're supposed to go.
Bert: [thinking] What Women Want. Mel Gibson.
Denise: Oh, Mel Gibson wasn't married to Phoebe Cates.
Bert: [out loud] No, it's a movie with telepathy. [thinking] Like what's happening with us?
Denise & Kripke: Oh!
Stuart: I'm all alone.

Bert: [thinking] I had chili on a hot dog, and I thought, "This is crazy." But it's not crazy 'cause it's good.

[Bert, Stuart and Denise hold their hands up as they're surrounded by armed guards]
Bert: Tell them about the alternate version of you.
Stuart: Shush!

Bert: Oh, wow!
Stuart: What?
Bert: This used to be my Geology classroom. I opened so many young minds here.

Soldier #1: Sorry, fellas. Time to die.
Bert: Agreed. Catch.
Soldier #1: What the...?
[After an explosion, the guys are covered in the soldier's blood]
Stuart: I love you!
Bert: I love you too.
Raj Koothrappali: Let's go!

Chana: Why are you crying?
Bert: I'm just not used to being happy.

Chana: Now that we've made love, shall I prepare you a wonderful meal?
Bert: Wow. You really get me. [Chana kisses Bert's cheek] Oh. Do you guys have French toast?

Stuart: Oh, good. Bert, I figured out how to get us out of here.
Bert: What about, "Nice to see you, Bert"? "What's going on, Bert?"
Denise: All right, what's going on?
Bert: I'm getting married.
Stuart: What?
Bert: Yeah, I asked Chana to marry me. She said yes.
Denise: Does she even know what marriage is?
Bert: No, and don't you tell her.