Bernadette Rostenkowski: Does he sell coke on the side?
Stuart: [sighs] No.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Then I don't know him.

Bert: You know, in a telepathic world, you can talk with your mouth full.
Kripke: Tewwific.
Bert: Check it out. [munching] [thinking] In a telepathic world, you can talk with your mouth full.
Kripke: [thinking] Yeah, I get it.

Kripke: Where you guys been? We need to figure out a way into Caltech.
Stuart: Sorry, we were having sex.
Denise: Stuart.
Stuart: I was going to think it anyway.
Kripke: [thinking] I don't need to hear any more.
Stuart: [thinking] It was incredible. I knew everything she wanted.
Denise: [thinking] It was great. No questions, no apologies.
Stuart: [still thinking] You wouldn't believe what I finally found.
Denise: [still thinking] Yeah, you did. [they high five]

Kripke: How wong are we gonna keep doing this? There is no trickewy in a world with tewepathy.
Denise: There's gotta be a way.
Kripke: Bert, think of a card.
Bert: [thinking] Three of Clubs.
Kripke: Thwee of Cwubs.
Bert: [out loud] Let me try again. [thinking] Jack of Hearts?
Stuart: Bert, stop.

Denise: Obviously, we need to find a way to shield our thoughts.
Stuart: Like Magneto's helmet.
Kripke: [thinking] Oh my God, more of your comic book shit. Somebody kill me.
Stuart: [thinking] Oh, I'd love to.
Denise: [thinking] I wish I could.
Bert: [thinking] I'll hold him down.
Kripke: [out loud] Wow. Very nice. Shame on you.

Stuart: [thinking] I haven't had a good bowel movement since the cow world. All this universe hopping can't be good for my digestion. It's basically travel, and that's always rough...

Denise: [thinking] ...damn spot. Lady Macbeth. Lady and the Tramp. Ladies and gentlemen, I am trying not to fart.

Kripke: I don't think this is gonna work.
Stuart: You got a better way to block our thoughts? [Kripke is silent by mouth and mind] I didn't think so. [quietly] One, two, three.
Group: [thinking] ♪ Come on, Eileen ♪ ♪ Oh, I swear Well, he means ♪ ♪ Ah, come on Let's take off everything... ♪
Stuart: [out loud] We were listening to it in the car. [chuckles] Real earworm.
Ramona Nowitzki: Oh, I get those all the time. [chuckles] [thinking] ♪ Dust in the wind ♪ ♪ All we are Is dust in the wind ♪

Ramona Nowitzki: How can I help you?
Stuart: I'm sure you remember we were here the other day.
Ramona Nowitzki: [thinking] I'm on so much medication, I don't remember anything. [out loud] Yes, of course. Nice to see you again.
Stuart: Mm. Anyway, uh, David Saltzberg over at UCLA asked us to bring this over to the engineering lab.
Ramona Nowitzki: Up the stairs, down the hall.
Stuart: Thank you.
Group: [thinking] ♪ Toora, loora, toora Loo-rye-aye ♪ ♪ Eileen I'll hum this tune forever ♪ ♪

Kripke: Engineering wab should be down this hall.
Denise: You have any idea what we're looking for?
Kripke: Your basic variable impedance controwwer circuit. [thinking] I am so full of shit.

[As Lab Coat Stuart, Denise, Bert and Kripke land in the magic world, Neil deGrasse Tyson is being burned at the stake]
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Hey, hey! Can we talk about this?

Kripke: All wight, all wight. Before we go any further, I just want to point out, you, sir, are one handsome bwoke.
Lab Coat Kripke: Right back at you.

Bert: Well, this is a pickle.
Lab Coat Bert: The way I see it, there's a couple of possibilities.
Bert: Lay it on me, my brother.
Lab Coat Bert: The Stuart from the other universe didn't trust the first Stuart, so he also sent a Stuart from another universe on the same mission as a failsafe.
Bert: That's clever.
Lab Coat Bert: Or...
Lab Coat Stuart: Enough talk! Every minute we waste arguing, the fabric of reality is at risk of collapse!

[The confrontation between the original group and the Lab Coat group is interrupted by the arrival of a third interdimensional bubble. Stuart, Denise, Bert and Kripke run out wearing army uniforms with Army Stuart carrying his own quantum device.]
Army Stuart: Get the device.
[Army Kripke approaches Lab Coat Kripke and tussles for the device.]
Army Kripke: Don't make this difficult.
[Lab Coat Kripke lets Army Kripke take the device]
Lab Coat Stuart: What did you do?
Lab Coat Kripke: I'm not gonna mess with that guy? [grunts]

[The group land in the middle of a war zone with bombed-out buildings, fighting soldiers and explosions going off around them]
Bert: No, thank you.
Denise: Hit the switch! Hit the switch!
Stuart: Here we go!
[The group land back in the comic book store in a world that seems normal from waist-level. When they look down, however, they notice they each have the lower body of a horse. Even the NASA Astronaut by the door is a centaur.]
Denise: Oh, no.
Bert: I think you mean, "Oh... neigh".

Stuart: Now, according to this, the reason we can't restore the prime universe to its original state is we're moving laterally, when we should be moving along a fourth-dimensional axis.
Kripke: Time!
Stuart: Time.
Bert: [thinking] ♪ Keeps on slippin' Slippin', slippin' ♪ ♪ Into the future ♪
Denise: [thinking] ♪ Into the future ♪
Stuart: You done?
Denise: [out loud] Sorry.
Bert: [out loud] Sorry.

Stuart: We gotta follow him.
[Regular Stuart and his group follow the Army group and disappear into the interdimensional bubble]
Lab Coat Denise: Now what?
Lab Coat Kripke: I could eat.
[The Lab Coat group all kneel down and start chewing grass]

Stuart: Okay, okay. We have to figure out where we are and what we need to do to get where it is we're supposed to go.
Bert: [thinking] What Women Want. Mel Gibson.
Denise: Oh, Mel Gibson wasn't married to Phoebe Cates.
Bert: [out loud] No, it's a movie with telepathy. [thinking] Like what's happening with us?
Denise & Kripke: Oh!
Stuart: I'm all alone.

Bert: [thinking] I had chili on a hot dog, and I thought, "This is crazy." But it's not crazy 'cause it's good.

Kripke: All wight, boss man, how do we accomplish this?
Stuart: So the Leonard-Sheldon thingy was never completed. It needs a steering wheel.
Denise: A steering wheel?
Stuart: Not literally, but some kind of control mechanism to get us back to the time and place before everything went to hell.