Stuart: Is it over?
Bert: Yeah. I think maybe I overdid it.
Stuart: Oh, don't feel bad, buddy. He started it. [Denise hugs Stuart] What's that for?
Denise: Maybe you're great. Maybe there is something here.
Stuart: Really?
Bert: Aww.
[Bert uses magic to conjure a heart-shaped arrangement of red rose heads, framing Stuart and Denise as they kiss.]

Kripke: "Demon" was witeral! "Demon" was witeral!

Nurse Stephanie: Mr. Bloom. How are we today?
Stuart: What?
Nurse Stephanie: Time for your meds.
Stuart: Meds?
Nurse Stephanie: Mm-hmm, three o'clock.
Stuart: Okay.
[Stuart swallows the pills and then drinks the water]
Nurse Stephanie: Oh, isn't that nice? You're very talented. Mm-hmm.
[As Nurse Stephanie walks away, Stuart looks down at his drawing, showing Denise, himself, Bert and Penguin Kripke in front of the counter at the store with the vari-state quantum interference device]
Stuart: Oh, this is not good.

Denise: And don't even get me started on Stuart. He says he loves me. Well, the Stuart I know, he was kind of a wimpy guy. And then this Stuart comes in and he's like, he's taking me from universe to universe, you know. And sometimes he loses me, but he always finds me. He always finds me. But it's a different me. Totally different. But still love, right?
Suzanne: Sure.
Denise: Yeah.

Kripke: Shitty fucking penguin wings.

Bert: You have the machine that spans worlds.
Stuart: Whoa! Oh!
Bernadette Rostenkowski: I want it.
Stuart: Bert, quick, fix the machine!
Bert: How?
Kripke: Magic. Do magic.
Bert: I don't know this magic!
Denise: Try anything!
Bert: Work. [the machine starts up] Turn on. [device chimes] Turn on more. [device roars]
Bernadette Rostenkowski: I want to rule them all!
[As Bernadette reaches down to grab the machine, Stuart, Denise, Bert, Kripke and the device disappear in an interdimensional bubble]
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh, shit!

Bernadette Rostenkowski: Blood of an innocent. Not a lot. Two teaspoons. Maybe a cup.
Kripke: Bwood of an innocent. [groans] I'm out.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: How about you?
Stuart: Me? No. [clears throat] No, I'm not innocent. I've had-- I've had girlfriends.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: How many?
Stuart: Mm, um... [sputters] Hmm. Mm... [sputters] One.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: I can work with that.
Kripke: You heard the wady. Start bweeding.

Bert: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: Bert!
Kripke: Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit!
[As Kripke tries to leave the store, Bert waves his hands and a brick wall blocks the door]
Stuart: What was that?
Bert: Oh, yeah. I'm magic now. Watch.
[Bert holds out his hand and Kripke shrinks down and turns into a penguin]

Kripke: Weawwy? I'm terribly sowwy, Bert. Pwease forgive me?
Bert: You let them set me on fire.
Kripke: It was peer pwessure. I am fiwwed with wegwet.
Bert: They were going to burn me at the stake, and he did nothing!
Stuart: Oh, Barry!
Kripke: I know. I'm tewwible. Pwease change me back.
Bert: Change you back? I should turn you into a maggot.
Kripke: No, penguin's fine! Happy to be a penguin.

Denise: I need a drink.
Stuart: Uh... That's right. This version of you is an alcoholic.
Denise: I'm not an alcoholic. I can quit anytime I want. [exits]
Stuart: Okay, I guess I'll be here selling, uh... whatever the hell this is.
[As Stuart opens the death book, a spirit emerges from the book and screams. Stuart screams in response.]

Kripke: It's not working. Why isn't it working?
Stuart: I don't know. You're the scientist. [Kripke shushes Stuart] What?
Kripke: They burn scientists here.
Stuart: Burn them how?
Kripke: With fire. What do you mean, "how"?

Stuart: Who are they? [mob clamoring outside the comic book store window]
Bert: Oh, yeah. They're my acolytes.
Stuart: Acolytes?
Bert: Yeah. They worship me. See the really pretty one? I got to first base.
Stuart: Oh, happy for you.

Wil Wheaton: Okay, I have no time for this. [generates a fire ball] It is the ruling of the guild that you have enabled a demon, and therefore, you must be destroyed.
Stuart: No!
[Stuart screams as the fireball heads towards him. The crowd of Bert's acolytes gasp. Bert catches the fireball with his hands]
Bert: Don't throw magic fireballs at my friend.

Wil Wheaton: Bernadette... is not who you think she is! She is a demon! A real, actual demon!