Bert: I've got a sweet tooth. Who's up for some fro-yo?
Stuart: Oh, love it. My treat!
Kripke: Aw.
Bert: Thanks, buddy.
[As Kripke, Stuart and Bert reach the curb, a dark van pulls up and a group of men emerge]
Kripke: Huh? What's happening?
Stuart: I think we're being abducted.
Bert: Well, so much for yogurt.

Stuart: Zack?
Zack Johnson: You know me?
Stuart: Of course. [stammers] I... I mean, not from this universe. Uh, I mean, it... it... it... it... N... Never mind.
Zack Johnson: Well, regardless, consider yourself rescued.
Bert: Rescued? They let us out.
Kripke: After wocking us up for two and a half years?
Zack Johnson: Really?
Kripke: Yes. Weawy.
Zack Johnson: Wow. That's embarrassing. [chuckles]
Stuart: Who are you guys?
Zack Johnson: Oh, sorry. Uh, yes, we are the Resistance, and this is our headquarters. Used to be an Amazon shipping center. We took over the lease.
Stuart: Oh, yeah.
Zack Johnson: It was a long process.

Stuart: Denise, you came back for me.
Denise: Not really. I found your machine. Show us how it can get rid of the AI.
Stuart: Oh, uh... [Zack frees the guys] Yeah, I probably wasn't clear about that. It won't solve your AI problems.
Kripke: Yeah, it'll just get us out of your happy-go-fascist universe.
Bert: Besides, we don't really know how to use it.
Kripke: We have some theowies.

Penny: So, wait, none of you know how to defeat the AI overlord?
Stuart: [hesitantly] I don't. Bert?
Bert: Nope.
Stuart: Kripke?
Kripke: Not weawy.
Penny: [sighs] Kill them!

Kripke: Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Uh... Hold on. I- I have an idea.
Penny: Fine, go ahead.
Kripke: Now, it's a wong shot, but it... it's worth a twy. [sniffs, sighs] Hmm. Okay. [sighs] Hmm. Mm. Okay.
Penny: [exhales] What is your idea?
Bert: Ah, if everyone would pwease wook over there.
[As everyone looks the other way, Kripke grabs the machine and runs off in the opposite direction]
Bert: He keeps doing that.

Stuart: Give me your hand.
Denise: Why?
Stuart: I don't wanna have to find you again. [Bert gives Stuart a thumbs up]

Stuart: [sighs] Oh, boy.
Kripke: Not good.
Bert: Now, try having an argument.
Kripke: What are you talking about? That's gotta be the stupidest-
[Kripke tightens up again and cries out in agony. He tries pointing to the device in the back of his neck but is soon overcome with pain and drops to the floor.

Kripke: So, here's what I'm thinking. We need to go to Caltech and find Weonard and Sheldon.
Stuart: Okay, you do that. I'll try to find Denise.
Kripke: With all due respect... [breathes deeply] ...perhaps we should stick together.
Stuart: And you are entitled to your opinion, but I am in love with this woman, and I have to find her.
Kripke: I understand.
Stuart: Thank you. Hmm.
Kripke: Idiot. [Kripke is zapped again] Shit!

Bert: Hi. Can you help us?
Ramona Nowitzki: Well, I certainly hope so.
Kripke: Great. We are wooking for Dr. Weonard Hofstadter or perhaps Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Ramona Nowitzki: Do you have an appointment?
Kripke: Uh...
Bert: No.
Ramona Nowitzki: Oh, I wish you had an appointment. [continues typing]
Kripke: Can we make one?
Ramona Nowitzki: Of course.
Bert: Then we'd like to make an appointment.
Ramona Nowitzki: I don't make appointments. You'd have to contact their personal assistants. [continues typing]
Kripke: Okay. Mm! And h... how do we get in touch with them?
Ramona Nowitzki: You call them.

Denise: [over intercom] Yes?
Stuart: Denise?
Denise: Who is it?
Stuart: It's Stuart.
Denise: Oh! What a pleasant surprise. Come on in.
[After the door buzzes open, Stuart goes inside]
Denise: Gary, you'll never guess who's here.

Bert: You need to be cool. Got it.
Kripke: Can we start over?
Ramona Nowitzki: By all means.
Kripke: Here's the thing. Weonard Hofstadter and Sheldon Cooper built a vewy special device.
Ramona Nowitzki: Well, if anyone here could build a special device, it's certainly those two.
Kripke: It certainly is. [she chuckles]
Bert: You're doing good.

Denise: To be honest, it's tempting. [chuckles]
Stuart: Really?
Gary: Sure.
Stuart: Sure? But... that... So, you're cool with this?
Gary: Yeah, she can't stand me.
Denise: I can't. [chuckles]
Stuart: Uh, so why stay together?
Denise: Hmm. Well, if I leave, then Gary would be upset.
Gary: Traumatized.
Denise: And we've learned not to upset each other.
Gary: 'Cause it hurts. [points to the device in the back of his neck]
Denise: Ouch.

Stuart: So, wait, you know that she's unhappy and you're fine with it?
Gary: She's only unhappy when she's sober, and that's not very often.
Denise: No, no, I have a little problem with the... [clicks tongue] ...so... [chuckles]
Stuart: [chuckles nervously] Mm-hmm. Okay. What kind of crazy upside-down world is this? Denise, you have the right to be happy! [raises voice] There's no reason to stay with somebody that makes you mis--
[Stuart groans as he is zapped, causing him to fall out of the chair and writhe about on the floor in pain]
Gary: Yeah. [Stuart babbling] Rum and Coke?
Denise: Diet Coke, please.
Gary: Coming up.

Kripke: I did not care for that woman. Also, I wet myself.
Bert: Lucky you're wearing dark pants.
Kripke: Oh, yeah.

Kyle: Oh, excuse me. I was about to buy that Necronomicon.
Trevor: [scoffs] Get over yourself. You can't handle this level of magic. Uh... here. Alchemy for Dummies. That's more your speed.
Kyle: [scoffs] I'll show you my speed. Sempe faldinide un pera!
[As Kyle waves his wand, a snake emerges from Trevor's mouth and wraps itself around his body]
Denise: Oh, my God. What happened? Where are we?
Trevor: Make it stop! [serpent hisses] Please!
Stuart: Uh... Hang on. Kyle?
Kyle: [chuckles] I wasn't really gonna kill him.
Stuart: Stop!
Kyle: [sighs] Fine. [snake hisses] Dnim reven.

Crowd: [chanting] Burn the scientist! Burn the scientist! Burn the scientist!
Bert: Kripke, help me!
Kripke: [hesitates] Hey, hey, uh, is that weawy necessary?
Keith: Yes.
Kripke: I twied.
Crowd: Burn the scientist! Burn the scientist!
[As Kyle sets fire to the wood piled below Bert, Kripke slowly backs away from the crowd]

Stuart: All I can tell you is that you don't have to live with this AI thing controlling you.
Denise: How?
Stuart: It's a little complicated. I've got this machine back at the store that... it... [hesitates] I- I- I- I- It...
It- You're just gonna have to trust me.
Gary: May I ask a question?
Stuart: Of course. I realize how upsetting this must be for you.
Gary: I'm not upset. Denise, are you upset?
Denise: No, of course not.
Gary: What do you want her to do?
Stuart: Well... Like I said, I want her to leave you and... and come with me.

[Penny raises her hand against Bert]
Bert: I'm mad, I'm mad!

Kripke: Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
Stuart: Barry, wait!
Kripke: Sorry, fewas!

Trevor: You're such an asshole.
Kyle: You want an asshole? I'll show you an asshole. Elohssa. [waves wand]
Stuart: Kyle!