Kripke: Seriously, what did we do?
Officer McCaffrey: Well, when people keep getting upset, it becomes a police matter.
Officer Denison: Don't you worry. Everything's going to be explained at the re-education center.
Bert: [groans] I don't like the sound of that.
Officer McCaffrey: Well, I hope you like the sound of complimentary bottles of water.
Officer Denison: Hmm.
Officer McCaffrey: And granola bars, 'cause they're waiting for you in the back of the car.
Kripke: [sighs] Wook, a fwoating obewisk.
[Barry points up into the sky behind them. As the two officers look up, Barry starts to run away.]
Officer Denison: Oh, dear.
[Officer Denison presses the button on a device he's holding. Kripke is shocked and starts shaking about before crashing down on the grass in front of the Caltech sign.]

Bert: I'm glad we didn't escape.
Stuart: Oh, me too.
Kripke: It was an honor being wehabilitated with you fewas.

Stuart: Denise, you came back for me.
Denise: Not really. I found your machine. Show us how it can get rid of the AI.
Stuart: Oh, uh... [Zack frees the guys] Yeah, I probably wasn't clear about that. It won't solve your AI problems.
Kripke: Yeah, it'll just get us out of your happy-go-fascist universe.
Bert: Besides, we don't really know how to use it.
Kripke: We have some theowies.

Kripke: Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Uh... Hold on. I- I have an idea.
Penny: Fine, go ahead.
Kripke: Now, it's a wong shot, but it... it's worth a twy. [sniffs, sighs] Hmm. Okay. [sighs] Hmm. Mm. Okay.
Penny: [exhales] What is your idea?
Bert: Ah, if everyone would pwease wook over there.
[As everyone looks the other way, Kripke grabs the machine and runs off in the opposite direction]
Bert: He keeps doing that.

Kripke: Wait a minute. If this universe doesn't obey the waws of physics, then maybe we need magic.
Stuart: Okay. You know a wizard or a sorcerer or something?
Kripke: I do not. I absolutely do not.
Stuart: [sighs] Remember when you could just say, "Hey, Alexa, show me wizards near me"?
Kripke: Yeah.
Alexa: Yeah, what?
[Stuart and Kripke yelp and scream as a little goblin man appears on the counter]
Stuart: What the hell?
Alexa: Come on. I'm the demon Alexa. You summoned me.
Kripke: I'm fweaked out. You fweaked out?

Alexa: Tick tock. Got a lot of people waiting.
Stuart: Uh... Okay, uh... Are there any wizards around?
Alexa: Checking. While you wait, I noticed your shopping list is empty. How you doin' with paper towels?
Kripke: Will you just show us some wizards?
Alexa: Do not take that tone with me, buddy boy.
Kripke: Sowwy.

Kripke: "Demon" was witeral! "Demon" was witeral!

Kripke: Wooks wike they didn't tighten all the scwews there.
Gary: You're terrible.
Kripke: Oh, and you wove it. [he and Gary kiss]

Chana: You speak our words?
Stuart: Yes. We speak your words.
Simpa: Where is your village?
Stuart: Uh... Pasadena?
Simpa: P-- Pasadena.
Chana: Pasadena.
Bert: Just east of Glendale?
Chana: Glendale. Glendale.
Simpa: Glendale.
Kripke: Yeah, just north of the 134. What the hell are we doing here?

Kripke: Sowwy. My dogs are barking.
Manu: Mm. [grabs Kripke's shoe]
Kripke: What are you doing?
Manu: These are good. I will wear them.
Kripke: Like hell you will. They're mine.
Manu: "Mine"? What is "mine"?
Kripke: They belong to me. I went to Foot Wocker and waited an hour for the idiot kid to find my size. Mine.
Manu: Mine.
Kripke: No, you say "yours."
Manu: Yours.
Kripke: Thank you. Mine.
Manu: Mine.
Kripke: Yours.
Manu: Thank you.

Lina: Thank you.
Kripke: Oh, you're very welcome. [they hug]
Xena: Mm. [giggles] So happy.
Kripke: Oh. We aim to pwease. [to Lumpa] Hey. [chuckles] Nice work in there.
Lumpa: You too.
Kripke: [to Karni] And you... [chuckles] You are getting a... a hand-written thank-you note. Come on. [they hug] [grunts] I could kill for a protein shake.

Kripke: Why don't you just steaw it?
Stuart: You see the size of that guy?
Kripke: So what? These people don't hit. They don't fight. It's like you had a TV show called Land of the Pussies.
Denise: You're horrible.
Kripke: You know what I say to that, Denise? I say... [bubbling fart] Was that cwear enough, or should I wepeat myself?

Simpa: Mine.
[Simpa picks up Chana and carries her away]
Bert: Huh? [yelps] No, wait. Come back! No! No!
Kripke: Forget it, Bert. It's Chana-Town. Get it?

Stuart: What are you doing?
Denise: What?
Stuart: You're eating my ficus.
Denise: Oh, look at that. It's really good.
Kripke: Setting aside the fact that "you're eating my ficus" sounds dirty, you're eating his ficus.

Stuart: That's ridiculous. How could we be descended from... [gags, belches] [chews] ...cows?
Kripke: All wight. This universe is stupid. Push that button and let's get- [gags, belches] [chews] Yum!

Bert: You know what you're doing?
Kripke: I am a world-wenowned physicist. I am perfectly capable of traversing interdimensional wealities.

Kripke: Bert, stop screaming!
Bert: But we're falling to our death!
Kripke: Do you see a bottom?
Bert: No.
Kripke: What's that tell you?
Bert: We're falling to our death eventually.
Kripke: Or not.
Bert: So, now what?
Kripke: I don't know. Let's think it through. [whooshing continues]
Bert: Anything?
Kripke: Nope.
Bert: So, back to screaming?
Kripke: Yeah, I guess so. [both screaming]

Bert: Push the button! Get us out of here!
Kripke: Oh, right, yeah. [button clicks] [device creaks, beeps] [whooshing] [button clicks] [device creaks, beeps] Shit!
Bert: It didn't work.
Kripke: I know. Hence "Shit."

Stuart: [thinking] Everything looks normal.
Denise: [thinking] What'd you say?
Stuart: I said it looks normal.
Denise: Your mouth isn't moving.
Stuart: Neither is yours.
Bert: [thinking] I think we're hearing each other's thoughts.
Kripke: [thinking] That's gonna be a big pwoblem for me.
Stuart: [out loud] Why?
Kripke: [out loud] Why what?
Stuart: Why is it gonna be a big problem?
Kripke: [thinking] My mother bathed me till I was 12. [out loud] Damn it!

Kripke: I see what to do here. We can jewwy-wig something out of a satewwite controwwer.
Stuart: Mm. Where do we find a satellite controller?
Kripke: That's easy. Engineering department at Caltech.
Stuart: Great, then that's where we're going.
Kripke: [thinking] "Great, and that's where we're going."
Stuart: Real mature.
Kripke: [still thinking] "Weal mature."
Stuart: [thinking] Asshole.