Kripke: It's not working. Why isn't it working?
Stuart: I don't know. You're the scientist. [Kripke shushes Stuart] What?
Kripke: They burn scientists here.
Stuart: Burn them how?
Kripke: With fire. What do you mean, "how"?

Kripke: [chuckles] Oh! What got into these guys?

Giorgio: Did you save room for dessert? Chef just got in some corn.
Kripke: Corn? You trying to fatten us up?
Giorgio: [chuckles] A little, but it's worth it.
Kripke: Fine, one warge corn for the table.

Raj Koothrappali: I think I got it! [gun shot]
Kripke: He don't got it.
Stuart: Barry, what did you do? We're trying to fix the universe!
Kripke: [chuckles] I don't want it fixed! I wike it the way it is.
Bert: We don't.

Kripke: This can't be good.
Officer Denison: Hey, fellas.
Officer McCaffrey: Got a minute?
Bert: What's going on?
Officer McCaffrey: I'm Officer McCaffrey. This is Officer Denison.
Officer Denison: Call me "Steve."
Officer McCaffrey: And we're going to be your arresting officers today.
Kripke: What did we do?
Officer McCaffrey: [both chuckle] "What did we do?" I love these guys.
Officer Denison: Oh, yeah.

Stuart: Oh, look, Kripke made a friend.
Kripke: What are you gonna do with one shoe? [Manu tries to take the other shoe off Kripke's foot] No, no. Both mine. Both-
Manu: Both mine.
Kripke: Both mine.
Manu: Both mine?

Kripke: [thinking] Hey.
Woman: Hi.
Kripke: [still thinking] How'd you wike to be, uh, disappointed?

Kripke: [thinking] Wike, I know I'm not my thoughts, and I know my basic nature is wove, and I wove the winen pants with the dwawstwing...

Kripke: [thinking] Oh, shit. I forgot to pick up my dwy cweaning.
Stuart: [out loud] All right, let's put a pin in meditating. What else we got?

[When Stuart, Denise, Bert and Kripke reach the Caltech lab, they are shocked to find lab coat wearing versions of themselves already there with their own quantum machine]
All: What the fuck?
Lab Coat Stuart: We gotta go.
[Lab Coat Kripke activates their quantum machine]
Kripke: Catch their swipstream.

Kripke: "Why aren't you with your company?"
Stuart: Shut up.
Bert: I was just talking to Jeremy. He's one of the guards. He says they're gonna line us up and shoot us.
Kripke: You hear that? You hear what Jeremy said?