Kripke: Fascinating. Wet's find an airport.
Stuart: Yeah. This way. You might find this interesting. Gotham's airport is named after DC comic writer Archie Goodwin.
Kripke: I do not find that interesting.

Stuart: Why does the ball of shit not like us?
Kyle: That's gonna require a little show and tell.
Bert: Ooh, fun.
Kyle: Fourteen billion years ago... there was nothing.
Kripke: A picture of nothing. Very helpful. I... I couldn't imagine it.
Denise: [shushes] Go on, Kyle.

Stuart: So, it's trying to keep me from undoing what I did so it could undo what it did?
Kyle: Well put. [studio audience laughing]
Kripke: What was that?
Bert: What was what?
Kripke: [hesitates] [with rhotacism] Waughter. I heard waughter.
Stuart: I didn't hear anything.

Stuart: Well, at least we got lots of stuff to read. [studio audience laughing]
Kripke: Okay. None of you heard that? [gasps] Ha! [studio audience laughing] Ah, there it is again!

[Stuart steps into the grey smoke where the fourth wall would be]
Denise: Oh, my God. What's happening?
Kripke: I'll tell you what's happening. You are back on the market. [studio audience laughing]
Denise: You're such a creep. [steps into the smoke]
Kripke: Well... [clears throat] ...guess it's just you and me, buddy.
Bert: Nope. [steps into the smoke] [studio audience laughing]
Kyle: Well, guess it's just you and me, buddy-
Kripke: Nope. [studio audience laughing] [steps into the smoke]
Kyle: Kind of hurts my feelings. [studio audience laughing]

Kripke: Well, my dear, have you changed your mind?
Denise: Is the choice still sex with you or death?
Kripke: Wook, I'm not a monster. I'm just proposing we, uh, have a nice dinner, watch a movie, see what unfolds.
Denise: Kill me.
Kripke: [sighs] Give us a minute. [the soldier leaves] Wook. [sighs] Being the ruler of a post-apocalyptic fiefdom can be... [inhales] ...very wonely.
Denise: What about your harem?
Kripke: Those girls don't really care about me. They're just here for the food, medicine, free childcare.

Denise: You know what? Fine. I will have dinner with you.
Kripke: Oh, wonderful. [chuckles]
Denise: You'll have to untie me first. [Kripke looks unsure] A real relationship is built on trust. That has to start now.
Kripke: Okay [chuckles] Ooh, hey, you wike venison?
Denise: Mm.
Kripke: I make it with a cherwy gwaze. The key is low-heat weduction.
[As Kripke frees Denise from the constraints, she immediately starts attacking him]
Denise: You are a stupid, stupid... [Kripke groans] Stupid, stupid, stupid man!

Stuart: [sighs] Oh, boy.
Kripke: Not good.
Bert: Now, try having an argument.
Kripke: What are you talking about? That's gotta be the stupidest-
[Kripke tightens up again and cries out in agony. He tries pointing to the device in the back of his neck but is soon overcome with pain and drops to the floor.

Kripke: So, here's what I'm thinking. We need to go to Caltech and find Weonard and Sheldon.
Stuart: Okay, you do that. I'll try to find Denise.
Kripke: With all due respect... [breathes deeply] ...perhaps we should stick together.
Stuart: And you are entitled to your opinion, but I am in love with this woman, and I have to find her.
Kripke: I understand.
Stuart: Thank you. Hmm.
Kripke: Idiot. [Kripke is zapped again] Shit!

Kripke: I did not care for that woman. Also, I wet myself.
Bert: Lucky you're wearing dark pants.
Kripke: Oh, yeah.

Crowd: [chanting] Burn the scientist! Burn the scientist! Burn the scientist!
Bert: Kripke, help me!
Kripke: [hesitates] Hey, hey, uh, is that weawy necessary?
Keith: Yes.
Kripke: I twied.
Crowd: Burn the scientist! Burn the scientist!
[As Kyle sets fire to the wood piled below Bert, Kripke slowly backs away from the crowd]

Kripke: Shitty fucking penguin wings.

Kripke: Oh, this doesn't wook good.
PFC Collins: [whimpering] I want my mommy! I want my mommy! I want my mommy! I want my mommy!
Denise: Oh my God. He's holding his intestines in his hand.
Kripke: Could be worse.
Bert: How?
Kripke: He could be holding them in a wittle sandwich bag.

Bert: You okay?
Kripke: Not weawy.
Bert: Conscience bothering you because you shot that guy in the back?
Kripke: No.
Bert: Well, if you figure it out, I'm here for you.

Stuart: So how does this work?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: I start running. When I get it up to speed, you grab onto the handles.
Denise: And?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: And I don't know. You let go when you're in the universe you're looking for. [cosmic treadmill beeps]
Bert: This doesn't feel very thought out.
Kripke: We... We're 100 percent sure Superman's not available?

Stuart: That's a good question. Are we frozen at the age we are now? No more birthdays?
Denise: Oh, look who's suddenly aware of birthdays. [storms off] [studio audience gasping]
Stuart: Can somebody explain to me what's going on with her?
Bert: You forgot her birthday.
Stuart: That's what this is about? With everything we've got going on, she's upset about her birthday?
Kripke: It does feel superfwuous to the main story. [studio audience laughing]
Bert: Okay, now I, too, am freaking out.

Kripke: Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
Stuart: Barry, wait!
Kripke: Sorry, fewas!

Kripke: Weawwy? I'm terribly sowwy, Bert. Pwease forgive me?
Bert: You let them set me on fire.
Kripke: It was peer pwessure. I am fiwwed with wegwet.
Bert: They were going to burn me at the stake, and he did nothing!
Stuart: Oh, Barry!
Kripke: I know. I'm tewwible. Pwease change me back.
Bert: Change you back? I should turn you into a maggot.
Kripke: No, penguin's fine! Happy to be a penguin.

Kripke: It's not working. Why isn't it working?
Stuart: I don't know. You're the scientist. [Kripke shushes Stuart] What?
Kripke: They burn scientists here.
Stuart: Burn them how?
Kripke: With fire. What do you mean, "how"?

Kripke: [chuckles] Oh! What got into these guys?