Kripke: [thinking] Man. I'd wike to take her home, wip her cwothes off and finish prematurely, then cwy wike a baby when she gets in a cab and weaves.
Denise: Ew.

Kripke: How wong are we gonna keep doing this? There is no trickewy in a world with tewepathy.
Denise: There's gotta be a way.
Kripke: Bert, think of a card.
Bert: [thinking] Three of Clubs.
Kripke: Thwee of Cwubs.
Bert: [out loud] Let me try again. [thinking] Jack of Hearts?
Stuart: Bert, stop.

Denise: Obviously, we need to find a way to shield our thoughts.
Stuart: Like Magneto's helmet.
Kripke: [thinking] Oh my God, more of your comic book shit. Somebody kill me.
Stuart: [thinking] Oh, I'd love to.
Denise: [thinking] I wish I could.
Bert: [thinking] I'll hold him down.
Kripke: [out loud] Wow. Very nice. Shame on you.

Kripke: Engineering wab should be down this hall.
Denise: You have any idea what we're looking for?
Kripke: Your basic variable impedance controwwer circuit. [thinking] I am so full of shit.

Kripke: All wight, all wight. Before we go any further, I just want to point out, you, sir, are one handsome bwoke.
Lab Coat Kripke: Right back at you.

[The confrontation between the original group and the Lab Coat group is interrupted by the arrival of a third interdimensional bubble. Stuart, Denise, Bert and Kripke run out wearing army uniforms with Army Stuart carrying his own quantum device.]
Army Stuart: Get the device.
[Army Kripke approaches Lab Coat Kripke and tussles for the device.]
Army Kripke: Don't make this difficult.
[Lab Coat Kripke lets Army Kripke take the device]
Lab Coat Stuart: What did you do?
Lab Coat Kripke: I'm not gonna mess with that guy? [grunts]

Stuart: Kripke, what are you doing?
Kripke: Checking out my horse business. Ah! Impwessive, wight?

Sergeant: For Lieutenant Gary! Follow me!
[As the sergeant goes to climb the ladder, Kripke pulls out his gun and shoots him]
Stuart: Oh my God, what did you do?
Kripke: Oh, I shot him in the back so we don't have to die. How is that not cwear?

Denise: Stuart, I love you.
Bert: It's me, but I'll pass it down. Stuart, I love you.
Kripke: It's me.
Bert: Pass it down.
Kripke: Stuart.
Stuart: Yeah?
Kripke: Bert woves you.

Kripke: Well, my dear, have you changed your mind?
Denise: Is the choice still sex with you or death?
Kripke: Wook, I'm not a monster. I'm just proposing we, uh, have a nice dinner, watch a movie, see what unfolds.
Denise: Kill me.
Kripke: [sighs] Give us a minute. [the soldier leaves] Wook. [sighs] Being the ruler of a post-apocalyptic fiefdom can be... [inhales] ...very wonely.
Denise: What about your harem?
Kripke: Those girls don't really care about me. They're just here for the food, medicine, free childcare.

Denise: You know what? Fine. I will have dinner with you.
Kripke: Oh, wonderful. [chuckles]
Denise: You'll have to untie me first. [Kripke looks unsure] A real relationship is built on trust. That has to start now.
Kripke: Okay [chuckles] Ooh, hey, you wike venison?
Denise: Mm.
Kripke: I make it with a cherwy gwaze. The key is low-heat weduction.
[As Kripke frees Denise from the constraints, she immediately starts attacking him]
Denise: You are a stupid, stupid... [Kripke groans] Stupid, stupid, stupid man!

Stuart: [sighs] Oh, boy.
Kripke: Not good.
Bert: Now, try having an argument.
Kripke: What are you talking about? That's gotta be the stupidest-
[Kripke tightens up again and cries out in agony. He tries pointing to the device in the back of his neck but is soon overcome with pain and drops to the floor.

Kripke: So, here's what I'm thinking. We need to go to Caltech and find Weonard and Sheldon.
Stuart: Okay, you do that. I'll try to find Denise.
Kripke: With all due respect... [breathes deeply] ...perhaps we should stick together.
Stuart: And you are entitled to your opinion, but I am in love with this woman, and I have to find her.
Kripke: I understand.
Stuart: Thank you. Hmm.
Kripke: Idiot. [Kripke is zapped again] Shit!

Kripke: I did not care for that woman. Also, I wet myself.
Bert: Lucky you're wearing dark pants.
Kripke: Oh, yeah.

Crowd: [chanting] Burn the scientist! Burn the scientist! Burn the scientist!
Bert: Kripke, help me!
Kripke: [hesitates] Hey, hey, uh, is that weawy necessary?
Keith: Yes.
Kripke: I twied.
Crowd: Burn the scientist! Burn the scientist!
[As Kyle sets fire to the wood piled below Bert, Kripke slowly backs away from the crowd]

Kripke: Shitty fucking penguin wings.

Kripke: Oh, this doesn't wook good.
PFC Collins: [whimpering] I want my mommy! I want my mommy! I want my mommy! I want my mommy!
Denise: Oh my God. He's holding his intestines in his hand.
Kripke: Could be worse.
Bert: How?
Kripke: He could be holding them in a wittle sandwich bag.

Bert: You okay?
Kripke: Not weawy.
Bert: Conscience bothering you because you shot that guy in the back?
Kripke: No.
Bert: Well, if you figure it out, I'm here for you.

Kripke: Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
Stuart: Barry, wait!
Kripke: Sorry, fewas!

Kripke: Weawwy? I'm terribly sowwy, Bert. Pwease forgive me?
Bert: You let them set me on fire.
Kripke: It was peer pwessure. I am fiwwed with wegwet.
Bert: They were going to burn me at the stake, and he did nothing!
Stuart: Oh, Barry!
Kripke: I know. I'm tewwible. Pwease change me back.
Bert: Change you back? I should turn you into a maggot.
Kripke: No, penguin's fine! Happy to be a penguin.