Crowd: [chanting] Burn the scientist! Burn the scientist! Burn the scientist!
Bert: Kripke, help me!
Kripke: [hesitates] Hey, hey, uh, is that weawy necessary?
Keith: Yes.
Kripke: I twied.
Crowd: Burn the scientist! Burn the scientist!
[As Kyle sets fire to the wood piled below Bert, Kripke slowly backs away from the crowd]

Trevor: There's an asshole on my head? [Kyle chuckles] Oh! Oh, great!
Stuart: Well, the good news is those joy buzzers are gone.
Denise: Oh, yeah. They are.
Trevor: [groans] Oh, my God. I have hemorrhoids. [Kyle chuckles]

Denise: What is going on?
Stuart: Wild guess? We've landed in a universe where magic is real.
Denise: Wait, this machine actually worked? We're in another universe?
Stuart: It's, uh... It's crazy, right?
Denise: [gasps] There's magic here?
Stuart: What else explains the, uh, asshole on Trevor's head?

Trevor: You're such an asshole.
Kyle: You want an asshole? I'll show you an asshole. Elohssa. [waves wand]
Stuart: Kyle!

Kyle: Oh, excuse me. I was about to buy that Necronomicon.
Trevor: [scoffs] Get over yourself. You can't handle this level of magic. Uh... here. Alchemy for Dummies. That's more your speed.
Kyle: [scoffs] I'll show you my speed. Sempe faldinide un pera!
[As Kyle waves his wand, a snake emerges from Trevor's mouth and wraps itself around his body]
Denise: Oh, my God. What happened? Where are we?
Trevor: Make it stop! [serpent hisses] Please!
Stuart: Uh... Hang on. Kyle?
Kyle: [chuckles] I wasn't really gonna kill him.
Stuart: Stop!
Kyle: [sighs] Fine. [snake hisses] Dnim reven.

Stuart: Give me your hand.
Denise: Why?
Stuart: I don't wanna have to find you again. [Bert gives Stuart a thumbs up]

[Zack starts convulsing after being shot by a drone, creating a blue electrical field around his whole body]
Penny: No, don't get shot, you idiot.

Kripke: Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
Stuart: Barry, wait!
Kripke: Sorry, fewas!

Penny: Shoot him!
[Three drones smash through the glass windows, prompting Kripke to turn around]
Kripke: Oh, boy.
Zack Johnson: Oh, shit! They found us!
Penny: Okay. Shoot the drones! Shoot the drones!

Kripke: Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Uh... Hold on. I- I have an idea.
Penny: Fine, go ahead.
Kripke: Now, it's a wong shot, but it... it's worth a twy. [sniffs, sighs] Hmm. Okay. [sighs] Hmm. Mm. Okay.
Penny: [exhales] What is your idea?
Bert: Ah, if everyone would pwease wook over there.
[As everyone looks the other way, Kripke grabs the machine and runs off in the opposite direction]
Bert: He keeps doing that.

Penny: So, wait, none of you know how to defeat the AI overlord?
Stuart: [hesitantly] I don't. Bert?
Bert: Nope.
Stuart: Kripke?
Kripke: Not weawy.
Penny: [sighs] Kill them!

Stuart: Denise, you came back for me.
Denise: Not really. I found your machine. Show us how it can get rid of the AI.
Stuart: Oh, uh... [Zack frees the guys] Yeah, I probably wasn't clear about that. It won't solve your AI problems.
Kripke: Yeah, it'll just get us out of your happy-go-fascist universe.
Bert: Besides, we don't really know how to use it.
Kripke: We have some theowies.

Stuart: I don't understand. Why did you "rescue" us?
Denise: [holding the machine] Because I called them. Thirty months ago.
Penny: What do you want from me? I'm running a rebellion here.

Penny: What about you?
Kripke: Furious, and honestly, a... a wittle turned on. [Kripke grunts as Penny slaps him again] [laughs] Yes, ma'am!

[Penny raises her hand against Bert]
Bert: I'm mad, I'm mad!

Bert: Excuse me, young lady, but that is wildly- [Penny slaps Bert] Ow! Why aren't you being shocked?
Penny: Shielding technology.
Stuart: Oh, great!
Penny: Yeah, it's pretty tight. [slaps Stuart again]
Stuart: [groans, sighs] When are you gonna stop hitting us?
Penny: When you get angry.
Stuart: Huh. [groans as Penny slaps him again]
Penny: Are you angry?
Stuart: No. [Stuart yelps as she slaps him again]
Penny: Are you angry?
Stuart: No. [yells as Penny slaps him again]
Penny: [shouts] Are you angry?
Stuart: Yup!

Stuart: Penny?
[Penny stands in front of Stuart and slaps him across the face]
Stuart: Ah! Ah. What the heck?
Penny: That make you mad?
Stuart: No, why would you even- [Stuart groans as Penny slaps him again]
Bert: What are you doing?
Penny: Deprogramming. [Stuart yelps and groans as he's hit a third time]
Kripke: Okay, that is weawy uncalled for.
[Penny walks over and slaps Kripke.
Penny: What about this? Was this called for? [she stamps on his foot]
Kripke: [grunts] Damn!

Stuart: Zack?
Zack Johnson: You know me?
Stuart: Of course. [stammers] I... I mean, not from this universe. Uh, I mean, it... it... it... it... N... Never mind.
Zack Johnson: Well, regardless, consider yourself rescued.
Bert: Rescued? They let us out.
Kripke: After wocking us up for two and a half years?
Zack Johnson: Really?
Kripke: Yes. Weawy.
Zack Johnson: Wow. That's embarrassing. [chuckles]
Stuart: Who are you guys?
Zack Johnson: Oh, sorry. Uh, yes, we are the Resistance, and this is our headquarters. Used to be an Amazon shipping center. We took over the lease.
Stuart: Oh, yeah.
Zack Johnson: It was a long process.

Kripke: Stuart?
Stuart: Yeah?
Kripke: You okay?
Stuart: I am, yeah. Thank you for asking.
Bert: I'm okay, too.

Bert: I've got a sweet tooth. Who's up for some fro-yo?
Stuart: Oh, love it. My treat!
Kripke: Aw.
Bert: Thanks, buddy.
[As Kripke, Stuart and Bert reach the curb, a dark van pulls up and a group of men emerge]
Kripke: Huh? What's happening?
Stuart: I think we're being abducted.
Bert: Well, so much for yogurt.