Kripke: Uh, check it out. Your wittle trip to the nuthouse.

Stuart: That's a good question. Are we frozen at the age we are now? No more birthdays?
Denise: Oh, look who's suddenly aware of birthdays. [storms off] [studio audience gasping]
Stuart: Can somebody explain to me what's going on with her?
Bert: You forgot her birthday.
Stuart: That's what this is about? With everything we've got going on, she's upset about her birthday?
Kripke: It does feel superfwuous to the main story. [studio audience laughing]
Bert: Okay, now I, too, am freaking out.

The Adversary: [to Kyle] I gave you one job. [studio audience laughing]

Kripke: Do bananas count as fiber?
Stuart: Oh, absolutely.

Bert: Well, at least we have each other.
Kripke: [groaning] Yes, yeah.
Denise: So, now what?
Stuart: I don't know. [sighs] But I have to believe the answer is out there somewhere.
Bert: In Burbank?
Stuart: Or Studio City.

Denise: What is all this? Are we dead?
Bert: Or maybe we were never real.
Stuart: Of course we're real. Figments of the imagination don't have irritable bowel syndrome.
Kripke: You too?
Stuart: Yeah.
Kripke: Hey. [they fist bump] What do you do for it?
Stuart: You have to learn to manage stress, and it sounds counterintuitive, but you actually want a little less fiber.
Kripke: Intewesting. I'll try that.
Denise: Oh, my God. Will you two stop? We just walked past actors who play us. That has to be more pressing than the quality of your BMs.
Stuart: You're right. I mean, I don't wish what happens to me in the bathroom on my worst enemy, but you're-- you're right.

Mark Sweet: Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to meet our cast one more time? Come on. [audience applauding, cheering] Let's blow the roof off this place. You're gonna let them know how much you love the show. Rise to your feet. Make a ton of noise. Let's meet our amazing cast. Playing Barry Kripke, huge hand for John Ross Bowie! [audience cheering] As Bert Kibbler, the hilariously funny Brian Posehn! [audience cheering, applauding]
Bert: [mouths] What the fuck?
Mark Sweet: You know her, you love her, as Denise, Lauren Lapkus. [audience cheering, applauding] And the star of our show, the guy who fails to save the universe, our very own Stuart Bloom, the one and only, Mr. Kevin Sussman! [audience cheering]
Denise: This can't be happening.
Stuart: Let's get out of here.
Kevin Sussman: Thank you, guys, for coming.
[Stuart, Denise, Bert and Kripke step out of the sound stage]
Kevin Sussman: [o.s.] Uh, we hope you guys had a great time. We certainly did.
Lauren Lapkus: [o.s.] We do this for you.
John Ross Bowie: [o.s.] But also for the money. [audience laughing]
Brian Posehn: [o.s.] Good night, everyone. Drive safe! [audience cheering, applauding]

[Stuart steps into the grey smoke where the fourth wall would be]
Denise: Oh, my God. What's happening?
Kripke: I'll tell you what's happening. You are back on the market. [studio audience laughing]
Denise: You're such a creep. [steps into the smoke]
Kripke: Well... [clears throat] ...guess it's just you and me, buddy.
Bert: Nope. [steps into the smoke] [studio audience laughing]
Kyle: Well, guess it's just you and me, buddy-
Kripke: Nope. [studio audience laughing] [steps into the smoke]
Kyle: Kind of hurts my feelings. [studio audience laughing]

Stuart: Okay. [sighs] Okay, uh, I guess then, uh, it is up to me. [wind whooshing softly]
Denise: Stuart, wait. We don't know what's out there.
Stuart: Only one way to find out. I love you.
Denise: I love you too. [they kiss] [studio audience "Awws"]
[Stuart steps into the grey smoke where the fourth wall would be]

Kripke: And Denise's birthday is the stupid B-story.
Stuart: Don't call my girlfriend stupid. [studio audience exclaiming]
Kripke: Huh?
Bert: Look at the wall that isn't there. [wind whooshing softly]
Denise: Where'd it go? How can there not be a wall?
Kripke: Better question, what's behind where it isn't?
Bert: Somebody should find out.
Stuart: What are you looking at me for? [studio audience laughing]
Kripke: Because for some incompwehensible weason, you are the star of this show. [studio audience laughing]

Kripke: Check out the back page, Cowumbo. [studio audience laughing]
Stuart: Stuart Fails to Save the Universe, a new comedy coming to CBS this fall.
Kyle: What's CBS?
Kripke: It's an old TV thing, not the point. [studio audience laughing] Somehow, we're in a sitcom.
Stuart: I thought we were in a meaningless void.
Kripke: Same thing. [studio audience laughing]

Stuart: Is it too late for a surprise party? [studio audience laughing]
Kripke: Is this still birthday cwap?
Denise: Oh, shut up, Kripke.
Kripke: Hear me out. How do you know it's your birthday?
Denise: What do you mean, how do I know? I know.
Kripke: Really? What day is it wight now? Monday, Tuesday?
Denise: Um...
Kripke: While you mull that over, Bert, say something funny.
Bert: Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a-salted. [studio audience laughing]

Denise: Any food left?
Bert: Dumpling meat. [studio audience laughing]

Stuart: Denise. [Denise sniffles] I don't want this to sound insensitive, but isn't being trapped by an evil omniscient entity in a cosmic void more important than your birthday? [studio audience laughing]
Denise: I guess it is to you. [studio audience laughing]
Stuart: Denise, listen to me. I love you, and I will do anything to make you happy.
Denise: Except remember my birthday. [studio audience laughing]
Stuart: Uh... Let me try again. Denise.
Denise: Yes?
Stuart: Happy birthday.
Denise: That's it?
Stuart: [sings] ♪ To you ♪ [studio audience laughing] ♪ Happy birthday to you... ♪
Denise: Please stop.
Stuart: Sorry. So, are we good?
Denise: Do you think we're good?
Stuart: [groans] Yes? [studio audience laughing] [Denise gets up and leaves] [groans] No. [studio audience laughing]

Kripke: Here's a fun wittle question. Where did this food come fwom?
Kyle: Oh, Szechuan Palace.
Kripke: Uh-huh. And how did it get here?
Kyle: Uber Eats, DoorDash, one of those.
Kripke: Sure, sure. And they dewiver to comic book shops that exist outside of time and space?
Kyle: Maybe Postmates. [studio audience laughing]
[The Big Bang Theory atom interstitial]

Bert: Let me run something by you. If the store exists outside of space and time, are we getting older or do we stay the same?
Kyle: Hey, hey, man. I just work here.

Stuart: Did you hear anything?
Denise: [mockingly] No, I didn't hear anything.
Stuart: Denise, come on. Are you gonna tell me what I did wrong?
Bert: I can. [off Denise's look] But I won't. [studio audience laughing] Again?
Kripke: I am reawwy freaking out.
Stuart: [echoing slam] [low ominous rumbling] Holy shit.
Denise: Now what?
Stuart: You don't see this? The whole store changed! It's gone all bright! That wall disappeared. [rumbling stops]
Denise: I see a wall.

Bert: Whoa, what was that?
Kripke: Thank you.
Kyle: What was what?
Kripke: There-- There's people waughing.
Bert: Yeah, but kind of fake laughing.

Denise: What are you looking for?
Stuart: Eh, it's a long shot, but something that shows where we are and how we get out.
Bert: Can you leave?
Kyle: I don't know.
Kripke: What do you mean, you don't know? How can you not know?
Kyle: Best guess, willful ignorance. [studio audience laughing]

Kripke: What are you doing?
Bert: Eating a dumpling.
Kripke: No, you're eating the skin.
Bert: I don't like the insides.
Kripke: The insides are what makes them dumpwings.
Bert: Would you like my insides?
Kripke: Okay. [studio audience laughing]