Bert: You punched me in my flu shot.
Denise: Sorry. [punches Bert's other arm] [studio audience laughing] [echoing slam] [low ominous rumbling]
Kripke: The hell? [rumbling stops] [breathes heavily]
Bert: What?
Kripke: You didn't see that?
Stuart: See what?
Kripke: I don't know, something's wong. Yeah, I feel like I'm wosing my mind.
Bert: It happens as we get older. Speaking of getting older... [Denise punches Bert in the arm again] [studio audience laughing]
Kripke: What is that sound? [studio audience laughing]
[The Big Bang Theory atom interstitial]

Kyle: Here's a good one. You're all underwater. You got gills.
Denise: We were never underwater.
Kyle: Huh. Maybe it hasn't happened yet.

Stuart: Denise, I want to apologize.
Denise: Hmm, really? What do you wanna apologize for?
Bert: [hums "Happy Birthday"] [Denise punches him in the arm] Ow! [studio audience laughing]

Kripke: Evewything we've been through... is in these comic books. Here's "Cow Stomachs." Here's "Paradise World." We're kind of the assholes in that one. Here's one where Gawwy dies. Here's one where Gawwy dies. Here's another one where Gawwy dies.
Denise: [sighs] Gary.
Kripke: Mm.

Kripke: Denise, Bert, you wanna have your minds bwown?
Bert: We are in a comic book store... floating in nothingness while an omniscient consciousness is about to destroy everything that exists, so the bar for mind-blowing is pretty high.

Denise: [sighs] Why do I even bother?
Bert: Problem?
Denise: Your BFF forgot my birthday.
Bert: You do realize he's got a lot on his plate, what with the end of the universe and all?
Denise: I already heard that from him. I don't need to hear that from you.
Bert: Want me to talk to him?
Denise: Absolutely not. Don't you say a word.

Stuart: [groans] Hello, fetal position, my old friend. [studio audience laughing]

Stuart: Wait, how did I get here?
Denise: Kyle explained it, the swirling ball of shit.
Stuart: No, this room. How did I get in this room?
Denise: I don't know. You walked?
Stuart: I don't remember walking in here.
Denise: Well, there's clearly a lot of things you don't remember.
Stuart: What's that mean?
Denise: You don't know? I'm not gonna tell you.

Stuart: [groans] How's this happening to me? Denise... [sighs] I'm a simple man. I wake up in the morning, put on one of my two pairs of pants, and go to work in a comic book store that's never made a dime. Except for the year I set it on fire and collected the insurance.
Denise: Are you done wallowing?
Stuart: Don't take that away from me. It's the only thing I do well. [groans]
Denise: Enjoy.

Stuart: Oh, my God. What have I done?
Denise: What's the matter?
Stuart: What's the matter? If Kyle's right, I'm responsible... for the imminent destruction of everyone and everything that ever was and ever will be.
Denise: Anything else?
Stuart: What else is there?
Denise: Never mind.

Stuart: Well, at least we got lots of stuff to read. [studio audience laughing]
Kripke: Okay. None of you heard that? [gasps] Ha! [studio audience laughing] Ah, there it is again!

Denise: Wait, so we're trapped here forever?
Kyle: Uh, no, no. Forever is a time. We're here always.

Stuart: So, it's trying to keep me from undoing what I did so it could undo what it did?
Kyle: Well put. [studio audience laughing]
Kripke: What was that?
Bert: What was what?
Kripke: [hesitates] [with rhotacism] Waughter. I heard waughter.
Stuart: I didn't hear anything.

Stuart: I'm confused. This consciousness caused the Big Bang?
Kyle: Oh, yes, and if you meet it, don't bring it up. It's a sore spot.
Stuart: Once again, what does any of this have to do with me?
Kyle: You broke this quantum thingy, which opened up a crack in reality, allowing the consciousness its first opportunity to pull the plug on the whole deal.
Stuart: "The whole deal" being the universe?
Kyle: Every universe, every molecule, every atom, everything.

Kyle: The consciousness was deeply unhappy about creation. It hated everything about it. Uh, the planets, the stars, uh, salsa dancing. [chuckles] Vaseline, everything. It missed the peace and silence of infinite nothing.
Bert: I get that.
Kripke: What do you mean you get that?
Bert: You ever been to Costco on a Black Friday? It can be very upsetting.

Kyle: Uh, nothing except for... a consciousness, which our brains perceive as the aforementioned swirling ball of shit.
Bert: I can't see. [Kyle holds up the comic closer to Bert] Thank you.
Kyle: Uh, then came the Big Bang... which led to the creation of everything. [holds it up to Bert again]
Bert: Appreciate it.
Kyle: Uh-huh.
Stuart: What does any of this have to do with us?
Denise: Honey, he's getting there.
Kyle: Thank you.

Stuart: Why does the ball of shit not like us?
Kyle: That's gonna require a little show and tell.
Bert: Ooh, fun.
Kyle: Fourteen billion years ago... there was nothing.
Kripke: A picture of nothing. Very helpful. I... I couldn't imagine it.
Denise: [shushes] Go on, Kyle.

Denise: How can we be nowhere?
Kyle: [sighs] Well... there's this thing. I don't know quite how to explain it other than as a, uh, swirling ball of omnipotent cosmic shit, and it really doesn't like you.
Bert: But it doesn't know me.
Kyle: It does. It does. It knows everything. It... It trapped you in the comic book. And when you got out, it moved the whole store to where we are now, which is where we aren't because it isn't.

Stuart: Where the hell are we?
Kyle: Nowhere.
Stuart: What do you mean "nowhere"?
Kyle: You know somewhere?
Stuart: Yeah.
Kyle: This ain't that.

Mr. Freeze: [o.s.] Stuart Bloom!
[There’s a loud rumbling as the garage door turns icy cold before it shatters to reveal Mr. Freeze on the driveway.]
Mr. Freeze: Prepare to die. Again.
[Kripke, Denise, Bert, and Stuart quickly grab hold of the Cosmic Treadmill.]
Kripke: Ándawe, Flash. Ándawe.
[The group disappears with The Flash and his Cosmic Treadmill.]
Mr. Freeze: Oh, fuck me!
[Mr. Freeze yelps and groans as he slips on a patch of his own ice on the driveway.]