Bernadette Rostenkowski: What is wrong with you girls? Come on, pick up your feet. You're like a bunch of baby hippos.
Rebecca: [thinking] Die, bitch, die.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: You think about your mother with that mind?

Kripke: [thinking] Hey.
Woman: Hi.
Kripke: [still thinking] How'd you wike to be, uh, disappointed?

Bert: Nope. No Howard Wolowitz anywhere.
Stuart: [thinking] Well, we're screwed. [out loud] Well, we're screwed.
Denise: [thinking] Honey, we heard you. [out loud] Honey, we heard you.

Kripke: [thinking] Man. I'd wike to take her home, wip her cwothes off and finish prematurely, then cwy wike a baby when she gets in a cab and weaves.
Denise: Ew.

Ramona Nowitzki: I don't have a Howard Wolowitz.
Stuart: Are you sure?
Ramona Nowitzki: I'll check again. [keyboard keys clacking] [thinking] I'm not really checking again. Just trying to be polite.
Stuart: Huh.
Ramona Nowitzki: [out loud] Nope. No Howard Wolowitz.
Stuart: Could you give us a minute?
Ramona Nowitzki: No problem. I'll be here. [thinking] Until I drop dead because I married a drummer, and this is the only way we have health insurance.

Kripke: [thinking] You smell just like my mother. [sniffs]
Ramona Nowitzki: I'm sorry?
Kripke: [still thinking] You heard me.
Stuart: Please stop thinking.

Kripke: I see what to do here. We can jewwy-wig something out of a satewwite controwwer.
Stuart: Mm. Where do we find a satellite controller?
Kripke: That's easy. Engineering department at Caltech.
Stuart: Great, then that's where we're going.
Kripke: [thinking] "Great, and that's where we're going."
Stuart: Real mature.
Kripke: [still thinking] "Weal mature."
Stuart: [thinking] Asshole.

Denise: [thinking] I think I can get past the weak chin. I want his children.
Stuart: [thinking] Seriously?
Denise: [still thinking] I wouldn't think it if I didn't mean it.
Bert: Aw.

Kripke: Too bad Wadioshack went out of business.
Bert: [thinking] [chuckles] "Wadioshack."
Kripke: Hey!
Bert: [out loud] Sorry. It's hard to not think. It's like you tell somebody, don't think of a pink elephant.
All: [overlapping] Pink elephant?
Bert: [thinking] See?

Kripke: All wight, boss man, how do we accomplish this?
Stuart: So the Leonard-Sheldon thingy was never completed. It needs a steering wheel.
Denise: A steering wheel?
Stuart: Not literally, but some kind of control mechanism to get us back to the time and place before everything went to hell.

Denise: [thinking] Look at my man taking charge.
Stuart: [thinking] Look at Denise looking at me taking charge.

Stuart: Now, according to this, the reason we can't restore the prime universe to its original state is we're moving laterally, when we should be moving along a fourth-dimensional axis.
Kripke: Time!
Stuart: Time.
Bert: [thinking] ♪ Keeps on slippin' Slippin', slippin' ♪ ♪ Into the future ♪
Denise: [thinking] ♪ Into the future ♪
Stuart: You done?
Denise: [out loud] Sorry.
Bert: [out loud] Sorry.

Stuart: Now, the instructions that came with the device are a message from whoever's trying to help me.
Kripke: [thinking] Wook at me, PhD from Stanford, and I'm taking orders from a guy who wuns a comic book store.
Stuart: You wanna be in charge, Kripke?
Kripke: [out loud] No, you're doing fine. [thinking] I'll just wait for you to fail, then make fun of you.
Stuart: Thank you. [Kripke nods his head]

Stuart: Okay, okay. We have to figure out where we are and what we need to do to get where it is we're supposed to go.
Bert: [thinking] What Women Want. Mel Gibson.
Denise: Oh, Mel Gibson wasn't married to Phoebe Cates.
Bert: [out loud] No, it's a movie with telepathy. [thinking] Like what's happening with us?
Denise & Kripke: Oh!
Stuart: I'm all alone.

Bert: [thinking] Weird that Kripke's thoughts have a speech impediment.

Kripke: [thinking] True. Wob Wowe's on my continuum. [out loud] No, he's not. I do not want to kiss Wob Wowe. [thinking] On his pouty wips.

Bert: [thinking] Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Boy, that was a good movie.
Kripke: [thinking] Ah! The pool scene where she takes her top off.
Denise: [thinking] So hot. [out loud; off Stuart's look] Sexuality exists on a continuum.

Stuart: Okay, guys. Clearly, we're gonna have to control our thoughts in this world.
Kripke: [with rhotacism] Absowutewy.
Denise: Good idea.
Bert: [thinking] This reminds me of a movie. What was the name of that movie?
Stuart: Bert, focus.
Bert: [out loud] Um, sorry. [thinking] It had that girl in it. The one who's married to what's-his-name in real life. Phoebe Cates. Nope, not Phoebe Cates.

Stuart: [thinking] Everything looks normal.
Denise: [thinking] What'd you say?
Stuart: I said it looks normal.
Denise: Your mouth isn't moving.
Stuart: Neither is yours.
Bert: [thinking] I think we're hearing each other's thoughts.
Kripke: [thinking] That's gonna be a big pwoblem for me.
Stuart: [out loud] Why?
Kripke: [out loud] Why what?
Stuart: Why is it gonna be a big problem?
Kripke: [thinking] My mother bathed me till I was 12. [out loud] Damn it!

Denise: Get us out of here!
Bert: We tried. The machine is not working.
Stuart: Because you haven't been chosen to save the universe!
Kripke: Oh, and you have?
Stuart: Denise, tell 'em!
Denise: It's true! He's him!
Stuart: Think of me like Neo, or maybe Jesus.
Denise: Oh, Jesus? Really? Just push the button!