Stuart: You know what? This is actually great. Whatever put us here made a huge mistake. Who knows more about comic books than Stuart David Bloom?
Bert: Frank Miller? Alan Moore?
Stuart: No one. My sad, miserable childhood has led me to this moment. Comic books are my superpower.

[The Adversary fires an energy beam at Trevor, incinerating him, leaving only the comic book and his charred Converse sneakers]
Kyle: Between you and me, I never liked him.
The Adversary: Mr. Freeze.
[A cartoon depiction of Mr. Freeze appears on the Stuart Fails to Save the Universe TRAPPED! comic]
The Adversary: You know what to do.
[The cartoon Mr. Freeze on the comic gives a thumbs up and walks off]
Kyle: So, you gonna stick around? I could order up some Chinese.

Kyle: Otherwise, he's dead weight.
Trevor: It's hard to respect you when you say such idiotic things.
Kyle: It's idiotic not to see that Hawkeye is easily the coolest Avenger.
Trevor: With the same weapon Robin Hood used.

[comic book cover:]
Kripke: Way to go, Stuart.
Stuart: How's this my fault?
Kripke: Your name in the title.
Denise: So what? I'm frozen for all eternity with my ass sticking out?
Stuart: That's how they get to buy comic books, honey.
Bert: Can anybody see where we are?
Stuart: Uh... Uh... Best I could tell, we're with the new releases between Marvel and Vertigo.
Kripke: [with rhotacism] You weft out, twapped on the cover of a comic book.
Stuart: I thought that was implied.

[comic book cover:]
Kripke: Still waiting on a plan, Stuart.
Stuart: I got a plan. You want to hear my plan? Bite me.
Bert: Come on, guys.
Denise: More importantly, who trapped us here and how?
Stuart: I'm guessing it's whoever put me in that insane asylum.
Kripke: Can we please chat about this when I'm able to reach down and scratch my balls?

[comic book cover:]
Denise: Where's Bert?
Stuart: Bert, where are you, big guy?
Bert: [o.s.] Page two.
Stuart: What?
Bert: Walk towards the big splash page. Can't miss it.
[Stuart, Denise and Kripke shimmy towards the right-hand side of the comic book, away from the spine]
Stuart: [shoes squeaking] Huh. [grunts] Ow.
Bert: Watch out for staples.

Denise: Meanwhile, we're trapped inside a comic book.
[Denise points to the sky. The four of them look up to see a comic title "Meanwhile..." floating above their heads]

Kripke: Fascinating. Wet's find an airport.
Stuart: Yeah. This way. You might find this interesting. Gotham's airport is named after DC comic writer Archie Goodwin.
Kripke: I do not find that interesting.

Kyle: Oh, whoa, whoa. This is bad.
Trevor: Please don't tell him.
Kyle: I don't need to tell him. He's all-knowing.
[The Adversary, a floating orb of black tendrils and an orange glowing core, appears with a warbling whoosh]
The Adversary: Oh, Trevor.
Kyle: Oh, Trevor.
Trevor: In my defense, you said don't sell it, not don't read it. So...
[The Adversary fires an energy beam at Trevor, incinerating him, leaving only the comic book and his charred Converse sneakers]

Stuart: All right, uh, where would he hang out? He's in the Justice League. That's in a geosynchronous space station 20,000 miles above the equator.
Gary: Cops gonna make me move.
Stuart: Uh, let me think. Barry Allen, the Flash, works in the crime lab of the Central City Police.
Gary: The Central City Police Department?
Stuart: Yes, thank you.

Denise: [gasps] There he is! The Flash!
Stuart: Quick, follow him!
Gary: You want me to follow the Flash?
Stuart: If you wouldn't mind.
Gary: Get out of my cab.
Denise: Nice to see you.

Kripke: That's not the Flash. That's the, uh, FTD guy.
Stuart: No, that was the Golden Age Flash.
Denise: So, we're on Earth-2?
Stuart: Not necessarily. In 1985, Crisis on Infinite Earths merged.
Bert: Duck!
[Stuart and Denise dodge an icicle that cuts between them]
Stuart: I'm confused. Mr. Freeze is a Batman villain. Flash should be fighting Captain Cold.
Kripke: Really? That's what we're focused on right now?

Jay Garrick / The Flash: Oh, this is the most ridiculous story I've ever heard.
Stuart: [scoffs] You want ridiculous? You fought against Captain Boomerang, Captain Cold, and Captain Nazi.
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Hey, those were all formidable enemies. Boomerang kept coming back.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Who wants a Dr. Brown's?
Kripke: Well, I never say no to a diet black chewwy.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Coming right up.

Denise: Can you not run without the helmet?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: [sighs] I can. It's just not as cool.

Bert: Do the ankle wings do anything?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: No. They came with the boots.

Jay Garrick / The Flash: Oh, look at that. [chuckles] Found my helmet.
Amy Farrah Fowler: [o.s.] Mazel tov.
Denise: Oh, yeah. Real cool. [rolls eyes]

Kyle: Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.
Bert: Hey, Kyle.
Kyle: Hey. Oh, this is not good. This is so not good.
Stuart: Nice to see you, too.
Kyle: You don't understand. If he sees you here, he's going to be angry, and he's going to look for someone to blame. And I already threw Trevor under the bus.

Mr. Freeze: [o.s.] Stuart Bloom!
[There’s a loud rumbling as the garage door turns icy cold before it shatters to reveal Mr. Freeze on the driveway.]
Mr. Freeze: Prepare to die. Again.
[Kripke, Denise, Bert, and Stuart quickly grab hold of the Cosmic Treadmill.]
Kripke: Ándawe, Flash. Ándawe.
[The group disappears with The Flash and his Cosmic Treadmill.]
Mr. Freeze: “Oh, fuck me!”
[Mr. Freeze yelps and groans as he slips on a patch of his own ice on the driveway.]

Stuart: So how does this work?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: I start running. When I get it up to speed, you grab onto the handles.
Denise: And?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: And I don't know. You let go when you're in the universe you're looking for. [cosmic treadmill beeps]
Bert: This doesn't feel very thought out.
Kripke: We... We're 100 percent sure Superman's not available?