Stuart: Uh... no hurt. Peaceful.
Denise: We come from far. We good.
Man: What do you think?
Woman: I don't know. They sound stupid.

Denise: Excuse me.
Droppings Reader: Yes?
Denise: Is that shit?
Droppings Reader: Yes. Bear.
Denise: Mm-hmm. [to Stuart] You want to take a crack at this?
Stuart: Why?
Droppings Reader: Don't people in Pasadena look for signs and omens in animal droppings?
Stuart: There's probably someone.

Stuart: Hey, uh... can I have that necklace?
Gavel: No. Mine.
Stuart: What happened to share everything?
Gavel: Mine. We're not commies.
Stuart: Kripke.

Bert: I was happy there. It was paradise.
Denise: Yeah.
Stuart: So is Pasadena, during the week when Old Town isn't crowded.

Denise: We have four stomachs and chew our cud.
Stuart: Cud. It's not just for breakfast anymore.

Stuart: Maybe we could even get married.
Denise: Are you... [gags, belches] [gulps] ...proposing?
Stuart: Depends. Are you... [gags, gulps] ...accepting?
Denise: I've always imagined this moment, but with less vomit in my mouth.
Stuart: Well, I didn't mean to put you on the spot.
Denise: Mm-hmm.
Stuart: Just think about it. [both gag, gulp]

Denise: You know, I was thinking about what you said at dinner.
Stuart: And?
Denise: I think we could be happy here. People are really nice. The food's great. I hear the health care's terrific.
Stuart: One more reason to call this home.
Denise: Mm. Mm. [spits out hay] Sorry.
[As Denise and Stuart cuddle up together, they both gag and gulp at the same time]

Raj Koothrappali: I-- I've tried calling and warning everyone. JPL, NASA, the White House. You know what they said to me? They said I was crazy.
Stuart: Really? You screamed that the universe is coming to an end to the lady that answers the phone at the White House and she didn't take you seriously?
Raj Koothrappali: Entire star systems at the edge of the universe are disappearing. Which means...
Stuart: Sorry, all I got is schmutz.

Stuart: "Shrub Hub." Makes sense. Shrub Hub. Who's ready for Japanese food?
Denise: Me, me.
Stuart: The only downside to the whole four stomach thing is I'm constantly hungry.
Denise: I know. Mm, bonsai. Soy sauce? [Stuart hands Denise a packet] Thank you.

Denise: Look, this one came with instructions.
Stuart: Oh, really?
Denise: And a warranty.
Stuart: "Congratulations on your purchase of an interdimensional transport device." Ooh, it's got Bluetooth.
Denise: Now, I don't understand. If Bert and Barry took the device, how is there another one?
Stuart: Uh, let me look. "Don't use near water." "Caution. Small parts, choking hazard." Okay, here we go. "This is a quantum echo of the original device. It both exists and does not exist. And when activated, it will merge with the original device."
Denise: You know, I'm just gonna stop asking questions. Let's go.

Bert: Nope. No Howard Wolowitz anywhere.
Stuart: [thinking] Well, we're screwed. [out loud] Well, we're screwed.
Denise: [thinking] Honey, we heard you. [out loud] Honey, we heard you.

Kripke: Where you guys been? We need to figure out a way into Caltech.
Stuart: Sorry, we were having sex.
Denise: Stuart.
Stuart: I was going to think it anyway.
Kripke: [thinking] I don't need to hear any more.
Stuart: [thinking] It was incredible. I knew everything she wanted.
Denise: [thinking] It was great. No questions, no apologies.
Stuart: [still thinking] You wouldn't believe what I finally found.
Denise: [still thinking] Yeah, you did. [they high five]

Stuart: [thinking] I haven't had a good bowel movement since the cow world. All this universe hopping can't be good for my digestion. It's basically travel, and that's always rough...

Gary: We're moving out at 0900. Get back to your unit.
Stuart: Uh, and... and that's where exactly?
Gary: Two klicks that way. Let's go. [jeep engine revving]
Stuart: Anybody know what a klick is?
[Bert raises his hand to explain but his friends have already started walking]

Denise: Oh, God. [shrieks] Where'd you put the machine? We gotta get out of here!
Stuart: I left it in our barracks to keep it safe.
Denise: Wouldn't it be safer to escape being killed? [explosion in the distance]
Stuart: Without question.
Kripke: We need to get out of here.
Denise: Yeah, we were just chatting about that.
Stuart: I left the machine back in camp.
Kripke: Sure, why would you bring a magical transport device to a bwood-soaked battlefield? [explosion; Denise shrieking]
Bert: Push the button and get us out of here!
Denise: Oh, go ahead, tell him!
Stuart: First thing you need to know, my intentions were good.

Stuart: Hang on. Okay. Okay, you know what? We're thinking about this all wrong. We don't have to find the other machine here. We can just go back and get it.
Denise: Go back where?
Stuart: We set our machine to go, centaur, telepathy, cows, three universes, and we just take it from the other version of us.
Bert: Trippy.
Kripke: Question.
Stuart: Go ahead.
Kripke: We're in a pwison cell.
Bert: Technically, not a question.
Kripke: You're wight. Have you noticed we're in a pwison cell? [Stuart groans]

Kripke: Okay. I say we gwab the machine and get out of here.
Stuart: Look around. There's guys with guns.
Kripke: I'll cweate a distwaction.
Stuart: Oh, why don't I create a distraction and you get it?
Kripke: What's your distwaction?
Stuart: I don't know. Asthma attack?
Kripke: Let me see.
Stuart: [imitates hyperventilating] [inhaler hisses]
Kripke: [sighs] Yeah, I'm not buying it.
Stuart: What don't you buy? I've been practicing it for 25 years.

Kripke: What you got there, neighbow?
Stuart: Uh, nothing, nothing.
Kripke: Doesn't wook wike nothing.
Stuart: Mind your own damn business, Barry! [door shuts]
Kripke: That was vewy wude.

Stuart: Mm. Everything's so fresh. It's like living in the produce section of Whole Foods.

Stuart: Oh, my God, look. Floss.
Bert: Just hurry. It's getting dark.
Stuart: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Excuse me, uh, how much for a foot of floss?
Floss Vendor: Mint or regular?
Stuart: Uh, let me get the regular.
Floss Vendor: Oh.
[As Stuart pays for the floss with a pack of Mac and Cheese, a masked figure with a rifle observes him]
Floss Vendor: Thank you.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, look at that. Can't put a price on healthy gums.