Denise: What is happening?
Stuart: Well, let's see. Bert's magic, Kripke's a penguin.
Kripke: Hey.
Stuart: And Wil Wheaton's mad 'cause I gave blood to Bernadette.
Denise: Why?
Stuart: She may or may not have saved Chocolate Chip.
Denise: A cookie?
Stuart: A dog.
Denise: Oh.

Nurse Stephanie: Mr. Bloom. How are we today?
Stuart: What?
Nurse Stephanie: Time for your meds.
Stuart: Meds?
Nurse Stephanie: Mm-hmm, three o'clock.
Stuart: Okay.
[Stuart swallows the pills and then drinks the water]
Nurse Stephanie: Oh, isn't that nice? You're very talented. Mm-hmm.
[As Nurse Stephanie walks away, Stuart looks down at his drawing, showing Denise, himself, Bert and Penguin Kripke in front of the counter at the store with the vari-state quantum interference device]
Stuart: Oh, this is not good.

Stuart: You gotta get me out of here.
Denise: Oh, honey, I wish I could. You've gotta get well first.
Stuart: Mm, there's nothing wrong with me.
Denise: Stuart, please, you need help. I miss you. The children miss you.
Stuart: I have children?
Denise: Oh, my God.
Stuart: I'm a dad?
Denise: You're a wonderful dad. Jaden and Talia love you so very much.
Stuart: Okay. I'll do the work. I'll get better.
Denise: Oh, thank you.
Stuart: Uh... Whose idea was it to name them Jaden and Talia?
Denise: Yours.
Stuart: Oh, I do need help.

Amy Farrah Fowler: I see you've been working very hard.
Stuart: I have, yeah.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I've got a nice note here from your occupational therapist.
Stuart: Really?
Amy Farrah Fowler: "Mr. Bloom brings a refreshing enthusiasm to his leather work."
Stuart: I made this wallet. Three compartments and... a coin purse.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Always need a place for your coins.

Amy Farrah Fowler: I still have some concerns.
Stuart: No, I'm... I'm eating well, I'm sleeping well. Last movie night, they played Step Brothers, and I laughed. [Amy looks up from her notes] ...in all the right places. Any way you look at it, I am well.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, that's not really for you to decide, is it?
Stuart: No, it's for you to decide. Have you?
Amy Farrah Fowler: I have.
Stuart: I can make you a nice belt.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Not necessary. It's time you go home.

Stuart: Bye! If any of my friends lose their marbles, I'll send 'em here.

Denise: I mean, I don't wanna put any pressure on things or push you too much, but... [sighs] ...Mama really missed her Big Daddy.
Stuart: Uh, I... I'm Big Daddy?
Denise: Yeah, you are.
Stuart: Okay.
Denise: Yeah.
Stuart: Just checking. "Big" is a, uh, great adjective.
Denise: Mm-hmm. [chuckles]
Stuart: Unless you're talking about a suspicious lump.

Denise: What's that?
Stuart: You can see it?
Denise: Yeah, I can see it. What is it?
Stuart: You ever wonder whether any of this is real?
Denise: What are you talking about?
Stuart: Doesn't bother you that everything seems perfect?
Denise: No. This is the life we dreamed of.
Stuart: Exactly! When have my dreams ever come true?
Denise: Stuart, you're scaring me.
Stuart: You think you're scared now? You might wanna tighten your sphincter.

Stuart: Uh... no hurt. Peaceful.
Denise: We come from far. We good.
Man: What do you think?
Woman: I don't know. They sound stupid.

Denise: Excuse me.
Droppings Reader: Yes?
Denise: Is that shit?
Droppings Reader: Yes. Bear.
Denise: Mm-hmm. [to Stuart] You want to take a crack at this?
Stuart: Why?
Droppings Reader: Don't people in Pasadena look for signs and omens in animal droppings?
Stuart: There's probably someone.

Stuart: Hey, uh... can I have that necklace?
Gavel: No. Mine.
Stuart: What happened to share everything?
Gavel: Mine. We're not commies.
Stuart: Kripke.

Bert: I was happy there. It was paradise.
Denise: Yeah.
Stuart: So is Pasadena, during the week when Old Town isn't crowded.

Denise: We have four stomachs and chew our cud.
Stuart: Cud. It's not just for breakfast anymore.

Stuart: Maybe we could even get married.
Denise: Are you... [gags, belches] [gulps] ...proposing?
Stuart: Depends. Are you... [gags, gulps] ...accepting?
Denise: I've always imagined this moment, but with less vomit in my mouth.
Stuart: Well, I didn't mean to put you on the spot.
Denise: Mm-hmm.
Stuart: Just think about it. [both gag, gulp]

Denise: You know, I was thinking about what you said at dinner.
Stuart: And?
Denise: I think we could be happy here. People are really nice. The food's great. I hear the health care's terrific.
Stuart: One more reason to call this home.
Denise: Mm. Mm. [spits out hay] Sorry.
[As Denise and Stuart cuddle up together, they both gag and gulp at the same time]

Raj Koothrappali: I-- I've tried calling and warning everyone. JPL, NASA, the White House. You know what they said to me? They said I was crazy.
Stuart: Really? You screamed that the universe is coming to an end to the lady that answers the phone at the White House and she didn't take you seriously?
Raj Koothrappali: Entire star systems at the edge of the universe are disappearing. Which means...
Stuart: Sorry, all I got is schmutz.

Stuart: "Shrub Hub." Makes sense. Shrub Hub. Who's ready for Japanese food?
Denise: Me, me.
Stuart: The only downside to the whole four stomach thing is I'm constantly hungry.
Denise: I know. Mm, bonsai. Soy sauce? [Stuart hands Denise a packet] Thank you.

Denise: Look, this one came with instructions.
Stuart: Oh, really?
Denise: And a warranty.
Stuart: "Congratulations on your purchase of an interdimensional transport device." Ooh, it's got Bluetooth.
Denise: Now, I don't understand. If Bert and Barry took the device, how is there another one?
Stuart: Uh, let me look. "Don't use near water." "Caution. Small parts, choking hazard." Okay, here we go. "This is a quantum echo of the original device. It both exists and does not exist. And when activated, it will merge with the original device."
Denise: You know, I'm just gonna stop asking questions. Let's go.

Bert: Nope. No Howard Wolowitz anywhere.
Stuart: [thinking] Well, we're screwed. [out loud] Well, we're screwed.
Denise: [thinking] Honey, we heard you. [out loud] Honey, we heard you.

Kripke: Where you guys been? We need to figure out a way into Caltech.
Stuart: Sorry, we were having sex.
Denise: Stuart.
Stuart: I was going to think it anyway.
Kripke: [thinking] I don't need to hear any more.
Stuart: [thinking] It was incredible. I knew everything she wanted.
Denise: [thinking] It was great. No questions, no apologies.
Stuart: [still thinking] You wouldn't believe what I finally found.
Denise: [still thinking] Yeah, you did. [they high five]