Penny: All right, I'm gonna give you one last chance to save your ass. We have prepared a fake battle plan. All you need to do is use your device, transmit it to your friends on the other side, and we'll commute your sentence to a life of hard labor.
Stuart: Done, done, and done.
Penny: All right, untie him, take his blindfold off now. [a soldier does so] Hi.
Stuart: Okay, uh, let me just warm this up. [loudly] And we are preparing to transmit the fake battle plans on three, two, one! [Kripke, Bert and Denise move closer to Stuart and the device] [device whirring]
Penny: What's happening?

Stuart: All I can tell you is that you don't have to live with this AI thing controlling you.
Denise: How?
Stuart: It's a little complicated. I've got this machine back at the store that... it... [hesitates] I- I- I- I- It...
It- You're just gonna have to trust me.
Gary: May I ask a question?
Stuart: Of course. I realize how upsetting this must be for you.
Gary: I'm not upset. Denise, are you upset?
Denise: No, of course not.
Gary: What do you want her to do?
Stuart: Well... Like I said, I want her to leave you and... and come with me.

[Cartoon versions of the group appear on the cover of a comic book]
Kripke: [v.o.] Where the hell are we?
Stuart: [v.o.] I'm gonna guess wherever we are, we're trapped.
[The camera pans up to the title of the comic book, "Stuart Fails to Save the Universe TRAPPED!"]

Denise: Oh, my gosh, Gary.
Stuart: It's terrible. Just terrible. But you know what? You... you're gonna find somebody else. Maybe sooner than you think.
[Bert give Stuart a thumbs up]

Bert: I'll just get in the car.
Officer McCaffrey: Oh, thank you.
Bert: Yeah.
[As Bert gets in the back of the police car with Kripke still writhing about on the grass outside, Stuart is already in the vehicle and holds two bottles of water:]
Stuart: Sparkling or flat?

Denise: I need a drink.
Stuart: Uh... That's right. This version of you is an alcoholic.
Denise: I'm not an alcoholic. I can quit anytime I want. [exits]
Stuart: Okay, I guess I'll be here selling, uh... whatever the hell this is.
[As Stuart opens the death book, a spirit emerges from the book and screams. Stuart screams in response.]

Stuart: Hey, guys, I'm gonna throw something out there. Why don't we just stay in this reality?
Denise: What happened to you saving the universe?
Stuart: I know, but I mean, let's be honest. Were any of us really clear on how that was supposed to work?
Bert: Not really.
Stuart: Right. And yeah, this place isn't perfect... [gags] [gulps] ...but there's no evil computers, no one's getting burned at the stake.
Bert: You really want to stay here?
Stuart: Why not? I mean, we can't get the hang of that stupid machine. Every place we go turns out to be dangerous.

Denise: I'm actually gonna miss them.
Stuart: Yeah. Think you got one more moo in you?
Denise: Only one way to find out.

Stuart Prime: It's about time.
Stuart: [yelps] What are you doing here?
Stuart Prime: What's it look like? I'm waiting for you.
Denise: Stuart?
Both Stuarts: Yeah?
Stuart Prime: Sorry, go ahead.
Stuart: Uh, Denise... this is the other me I told you about.
Stuart Prime: Hey.
Denise: Hey.

Stuart: We need the other machine. We have to go back.
Denise: Again, guns. [device turns on]
Stuart: Okay, so we don't go back exactly. We scooch it a little.
Bert: There's a scooch button?
Stuart: Maybe. Uh, this thing turns. [device beeps] [ominous whirring] Oh, oh... Oh.

General Adams: The defendants will rise.
Stuart: [imitates hyperventilating] I'm having an asthma attack! [inhaler hisses]
Bert: And I am thinking of a card.
Stuart: [imitates hyperventilating]

Mr. Freeze: Prepare to die.
Stuart: [sticks head out] Way ahead of you.
[Mr. Freeze laughs and sends a giant ice boulder rolling towards the concrete pillar the group is hiding behind. Golden Age Flash appears in front of the pillar.]
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Not today, Mr. Freeze.
[The Flash generates lightening to melt and evaporate the ice boulder]
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Gutter ball.
Bert: We should keep running for our lives.
Stuart: Yeah.

Jay Garrick / The Flash: Are you folks okay?
Stuart: We're great. Thanks. Listen, we've been trying to get ahold of you. We're tra-
[The Flash runs off]
Stuart: Son of a bitch. He...
Kripke: What a dick.

Stuart: Denise. [Denise sniffles] I don't want this to sound insensitive, but isn't being trapped by an evil omniscient entity in a cosmic void more important than your birthday? [studio audience laughing]
Denise: I guess it is to you. [studio audience laughing]
Stuart: Denise, listen to me. I love you, and I will do anything to make you happy.
Denise: Except remember my birthday. [studio audience laughing]
Stuart: Uh... Let me try again. Denise.
Denise: Yes?
Stuart: Happy birthday.
Denise: That's it?
Stuart: [sings] ♪ To you ♪ [studio audience laughing] ♪ Happy birthday to you... ♪
Denise: Please stop.
Stuart: Sorry. So, are we good?
Denise: Do you think we're good?
Stuart: [groans] Yes? [studio audience laughing] [Denise gets up and leaves] [groans] No. [studio audience laughing]

Bert: You ever wonder where this thing goes?
Stuart: Nope.
Bert: Probably smart.
Traveler: Stuart. We gotta talk.
Stuart: Shit just got weird.

Stuart: Oh! Oh, this feels so good.
Bert: Go easy. We're sharing that.

Stuart: Uh... [stammers] Hang on. So... so, roll, run, grab?
Gary: Run, roll, grab.
Stuart: Sorry, more of a visual learner.

Denise: Stuart!
Stuart: Oh, I'm so glad you're okay.
Denise: I'm so glad you're okay. [they hug]
Stuart: Uh, oh, sorry.
Denise: Oh!
Stuart: I'm covered with people.
Raj Koothrappali: [mockingly] Yeah, everybody's okay. Let's go!

Kripke: Stuart?
Stuart: Yeah?
Kripke: You okay?
Stuart: I am, yeah. Thank you for asking.
Bert: I'm okay, too.

Stuart: Who builds a hallway like this?