Stuart: [thinking] I haven't had a good bowel movement since the cow world. All this universe hopping can't be good for my digestion. It's basically travel, and that's always rough...

Gary: We're moving out at 0900. Get back to your unit.
Stuart: Uh, and... and that's where exactly?
Gary: Two klicks that way. Let's go. [jeep engine revving]
Stuart: Anybody know what a klick is?
[Bert raises his hand to explain but his friends have already started walking]

Denise: Oh, God. [shrieks] Where'd you put the machine? We gotta get out of here!
Stuart: I left it in our barracks to keep it safe.
Denise: Wouldn't it be safer to escape being killed? [explosion in the distance]
Stuart: Without question.
Kripke: We need to get out of here.
Denise: Yeah, we were just chatting about that.
Stuart: I left the machine back in camp.
Kripke: Sure, why would you bring a magical transport device to a bwood-soaked battlefield? [explosion; Denise shrieking]
Bert: Push the button and get us out of here!
Denise: Oh, go ahead, tell him!
Stuart: First thing you need to know, my intentions were good.

Stuart: Hang on. Okay. Okay, you know what? We're thinking about this all wrong. We don't have to find the other machine here. We can just go back and get it.
Denise: Go back where?
Stuart: We set our machine to go, centaur, telepathy, cows, three universes, and we just take it from the other version of us.
Bert: Trippy.
Kripke: Question.
Stuart: Go ahead.
Kripke: We're in a pwison cell.
Bert: Technically, not a question.
Kripke: You're wight. Have you noticed we're in a pwison cell? [Stuart groans]

Kripke: Okay. I say we gwab the machine and get out of here.
Stuart: Look around. There's guys with guns.
Kripke: I'll cweate a distwaction.
Stuart: Oh, why don't I create a distraction and you get it?
Kripke: What's your distwaction?
Stuart: I don't know. Asthma attack?
Kripke: Let me see.
Stuart: [imitates hyperventilating] [inhaler hisses]
Kripke: [sighs] Yeah, I'm not buying it.
Stuart: What don't you buy? I've been practicing it for 25 years.

[comic book cover:]
Kripke: Way to go, Stuart.
Stuart: How's this my fault?
Kripke: Your name in the title.
Denise: So what? I'm frozen for all eternity with my ass sticking out?
Stuart: That's how they get 12-year-old boys to buy comic books, honey.
Bert: Can anybody see where we are?
Stuart: Uh... Uh... Best I could tell, we're with the new releases between Marvel and Vertigo.
Kripke: [with rhotacism] You weft out, twapped on the cover of a comic book.
Stuart: I thought that was implied.

Kripke: That's not the Flash. That's the, uh, FTD guy.
Stuart: No, that was the Golden Age Flash.
Denise: So, we're on Earth-2?
Stuart: Not necessarily. In 1985, Crisis on Infinite Earths merged.
Bert: Duck!
[Stuart and Denise dodge an icicle that cuts between them]
Stuart: I'm confused. Mr. Freeze is a Batman villain. Flash should be fighting Captain Cold.
Kripke: Really? That's what we're focused on right now?

Stuart: Okay. [sighs] Okay, uh, I guess then, uh, it is up to me. [wind whooshing softly]
Denise: Stuart, wait. We don't know what's out there.
Stuart: Only one way to find out. I love you.
Denise: I love you too. [they kiss] [studio audience "Awws"]
[Stuart steps into the grey smoke where the fourth wall would be]

Bert: Well, at least we have each other.
Kripke: [groaning] Yes, yeah.
Denise: So, now what?
Stuart: I don't know. [sighs] But I have to believe the answer is out there somewhere.
Bert: In Burbank?
Stuart: Or Studio City.

Kripke: Do bananas count as fiber?
Stuart: Oh, absolutely.

Kripke: What you got there, neighbow?
Stuart: Uh, nothing, nothing.
Kripke: Doesn't wook wike nothing.
Stuart: Mind your own damn business, Barry! [door shuts]
Kripke: That was vewy wude.

Stuart: Mm. Everything's so fresh. It's like living in the produce section of Whole Foods.

Stuart: Oh, my God, look. Floss.
Bert: Just hurry. It's getting dark.
Stuart: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Excuse me, uh, how much for a foot of floss?
Floss Vendor: Mint or regular?
Stuart: Uh, let me get the regular.
Floss Vendor: Oh.
[As Stuart pays for the floss with a pack of Mac and Cheese, a masked figure with a rifle observes him]
Floss Vendor: Thank you.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, look at that. Can't put a price on healthy gums.

Stuart: Anyway, uh, we gotta go.
Bert: Yeah, Caltech. We're on a quest.
Denise: There's no more Caltech. What's left of it is a death trap.
Bert: We don't have a choice.
Stuart: Yeah, an alternate version of me came from another universe and explained how I can undo the apocalypse.
Bert: It was really cool.
Denise: An alternate version of you?
Bert: Yeah, same pasty face and same whiny voice.
Stuart: It was like looking in a mirror.

Stuart: What do we do? What do we do?
Denise: Uh... Uh... Set the impedance to point seven.
Stuart: [stammers] The what?
Denise: Yeah, right here.
Stuart: Okay, uh...
Denise: Uh, disengage the attenuator.
Stuart: Okay. [stammers] Mm... [device dings] Okay.
Denise: Turn the main release.
Stuart: Done!
Denise: But first...
Stuart: "But first"? What do you mean "but first"?

Stuart: Think you'll be letting Bert out anytime soon?
Amy Farrah Fowler: We don't have a patient named Bert.
Stuart: Of course not. I was just testing you. You passed! I'm gonna go now.

Droppings Reader: Looks like nothing for me today. [pats Stuart on the back] Good luck.
Stuart: That's probably not coming out.

Stuart: Do you think that I'm wrong for bailing out on the whole "save the universe" thing?
Denise: Doesn't matter what I think. What do you think?
Stuart: It'd be different if I signed up for it. But I didn't, so I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong. Living my own life, making my own choices.
Denise: Okay.
Stuart: And besides, nothing really happens for hundreds of years.
Denise: True.
Stuart: I mean, sure, there'd be an infinite number of lives lost or never even born across an infinite number of universes. And how's that my problem?
Denise: It most certainly is not.
Stuart: Thank you.
Denise: Unless you want it to be.

Stuart: We gotta follow him.
[Regular Stuart and his group follow the Army group and disappear into the interdimensional bubble]
Lab Coat Denise: Now what?
Lab Coat Kripke: I could eat.
[The Lab Coat group all kneel down and start chewing grass]

Stuart: New plan. Let's get the hell out of here.
Kripke: What happened to getting the other machine?
Stuart: You want the other machine, knock yourself out.
MP Smith: Halt. Why aren't you with your company?
Stuart: Uh... [hesitates] Why aren't you with your company?