Kripke: Well, wucky for you, we're not hanging awound.
[Kripke scoffs and chuckles. When he opens the door to the comic book store to leave, he almost falls into an endless black void]
Kripke: Holy cwap! Ah, fellas, you might want to take a wook.
Kyle: Oh, oh, uh, um...
Stuart: This is not Pasadena. [audience laughing]
Kripke: What the hell was that?

Kyle: Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.
Bert: Hey, Kyle.
Kyle: Hey. Oh, this is not good. This is so not good.
Stuart: Nice to see you, too.
Kyle: You don't understand. If he sees you here, he's going to be angry, and he's going to look for someone to blame. And I already threw Trevor under the bus.

Jay Garrick / The Flash: See anything you like yet? How about this one?
[The group land with the Flash and his treadmill in the comic book store. The comic Stuart Fails to Save the Universe TRAPPED! is on display, its cover page blank except for the title.]
Stuart: Perfect. Thanks.
Jay Garrick / The Flash: All right. Got to go. Shabbat with my in-laws. Whoo-hoo.

Stuart: So how does this work?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: I start running. When I get it up to speed, you grab onto the handles.
Denise: And?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: And I don't know. You let go when you're in the universe you're looking for. [cosmic treadmill beeps]
Bert: This doesn't feel very thought out.
Kripke: We... We're 100 percent sure Superman's not available?

Jay Garrick / The Flash: Oh, look at that. [chuckles] Found my helmet.
Amy Farrah Fowler: [o.s.] Mazel tov.
Denise: Oh, yeah. Real cool. [rolls eyes]

Bert: Do the ankle wings do anything?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: No. They came with the boots.

Denise: Can you not run without the helmet?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: [sighs] I can. It's just not as cool.

Jay Garrick / The Flash: All right. If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna need to change.
[Jay gets up and walks over to some recessed shelves. He grabs a light fitting on the wall and pushes it upwards. The shelves part to reveal a closet containing his The Flash costume]
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Amy, where's my helmet?
Amy Farrah Fowler: [o.s.] In the secret closet.
Jay Garrick / The Flash: No, it's not.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Are you even looking?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Yes, I'm looking. I see your rollerblades. What are your rollerblades doing in my secret closet?
Amy Farrah Fowler: I don't know. What's your cosmic treadmill doing in the garage?

Amy Farrah Fowler: Who wants a Dr. Brown's?
Kripke: Well, I never say no to a diet black chewwy.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Coming right up.

Jay Garrick / The Flash: They can't operate it without my super speed.
Denise: Oh, can I ask you a personal question about that?
Amy Farrah Fowler: It's over before I even know it started.
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Amy.
Amy Farrah Fowler: She asked.

Amy Farrah Fowler: I made rugelach.
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Thanks, honey.
Amy Farrah Fowler: So, what's this all about?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: They want me to use the Cosmic Treadmill to get back to their universe.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, great. Let them have it so I can park my car in the damn garage.

Jay Garrick / The Flash: Oh, this is the most ridiculous story I've ever heard.
Stuart: [scoffs] You want ridiculous? You fought against Captain Boomerang, Captain Cold, and Captain Nazi.
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Hey, those were all formidable enemies. Boomerang kept coming back.

Jay Garrick / The Flash: So wait, you're telling me in one of the universes, you had cow stomachs and ate grass?
Kripke: In one, I was a penguin.
Bert: Sorry about that.
Kripke: No, I had it coming.

Denise: We know about the accident in the lab and the bolt of lightning.
Stuart: Actually, this version of the Flash gained his super speed by inhaling radioactive vapors while taking a smoke break.
Bert: Smoking and running? Really, Jay?
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Well, it was a different time. [hesitates] I mean, I'm not the Flash.
Amy Farrah Fowler: [sighs] Just let 'em in.
Bert: Smell that? I think he still smokes.

Amy Farrah Fowler: [opens door] Can I help you?
Stuart: Amy?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Yes?
Stuart: Is this the Garrick residence?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Yes.
Stuart: Uh, I'm... I'm confused. Jay Garrick's girlfriend is Joan.
Amy Farrah Fowler: [scoffs] Joan. Joan took her Subaru and headed to Portland, if you know what I mean.

Denise: I don't know why we couldn't just come here in the first place.
Stuart: Sorry, I thought a guy with a secret identity would have an unlisted address.
Bert: If I was a member of the Justice League, I'd live in a gated community.
Stuart: Technically, Golden Age Flash was in the Justice Society, which is the predecessor of the Justice League. [knocking on door]
Kripke: Does he talk comic books in the boudoir?
Denise: Sometimes. Ka-pow! [Stuart and Denise high-five]

Jay Garrick / The Flash: Are you folks okay?
Stuart: We're great. Thanks. Listen, we've been trying to get ahold of you. We're tra-
[The Flash runs off]
Stuart: Son of a bitch. He...
Kripke: What a dick.

Denise: What's happening?
Stuart: Uh, Mr. Freeze is making an ice lasso. He's gonna-- Oh, wait, no. The Flash shook it apart with superspeed vibrations. Uh, uh, now Mr. Freeze is... He's making an ice locomotive to run over-- Oh, no, it's gone. I guess the Flash did something. I-- I couldn't see. Uh, uh, now Mr. Freeze is making a giant ice wall.
Kripke: Now it's gone. Yeah, we get it.
Bert: Why is Mr. Freeze trying to kill us?
Stuart: It doesn't matter. This is great.
Denise: How?
Stuart: Don't you get it? We're not background characters anymore. When Mr. Freeze showed up, we became the "A" story, which caused the Flash to find us. Oh, no! Oh, Mr. Freeze has frozen the Flash in a block of ice! He's helpless! Wait, no! Something's happening. Oh, it's real fast. Can't really tell what's going on. Wait, wait. Oh. A tornado is hurling Mr. Freeze into space! Holy cow! This is amazing. I wish you guys could see this.

Kripke: That's not the Flash. That's the, uh, FTD guy.
Stuart: No, that was the Golden Age Flash.
Denise: So, we're on Earth-2?
Stuart: Not necessarily. In 1985, Crisis on Infinite Earths merged.
Bert: Duck!
[Stuart and Denise dodge an icicle that cuts between them]
Stuart: I'm confused. Mr. Freeze is a Batman villain. Flash should be fighting Captain Cold.
Kripke: Really? That's what we're focused on right now?

Mr. Freeze: Prepare to die.
Stuart: [sticks head out] Way ahead of you.
[Mr. Freeze laughs and sends a giant ice boulder rolling towards the concrete pillar the group is hiding behind. Golden Age Flash appears in front of the pillar.]
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Not today, Mr. Freeze.
[The Flash generates lightening to melt and evaporate the ice boulder]
Jay Garrick / The Flash: Gutter ball.
Bert: We should keep running for our lives.
Stuart: Yeah.