Kripke: Gentlemen, we are in hell.
Bert: Really? Everyone's being so nice to each other.
Mailman: Hi!
Stuart: Yeah, they have devices implanted in their necks to make them nice.
Bert: Would you rather push the button on the Sheldon/Leonard thingy and try another universe?
Kripke: No, thanks. We could wind up somewhere worse.
Bert: Like where humans are a meat source for a highly evolved wizard people?
Kripke: Yeah, like that.
Bert: Or one where everyone's French, but no one speaks French.

Stuart: [sighs] Oh, boy.
Kripke: Not good.
Bert: Now, try having an argument.
Kripke: What are you talking about? That's gotta be the stupidest-
[Kripke tightens up again and cries out in agony. He tries pointing to the device in the back of his neck but is soon overcome with pain and drops to the floor.

Bert: Uh-oh, that's not supposed to be there.
Stuart: What just happened?
Kripke: I don't know.
Bert: I have a hypothesis.
Stuart: I'm listening.
Bert: Did you notice the thing on the back of your necks?
Kripke: What? What thing?
Bert: Humor me.

Kripke: You must have screwed up the machine, Stuart.
Stuart: I screwed up? You killed the one guy that knew how to use the damn thing.
Kyle: [scoffs] Uh, fellas, we're all friends.
Trevor: Yeah, no arguing.
Kripke: Stay out of it. You're the one who pushed the stupid button.
Stuart: What was I supposed to do? You're the one who-
[Stuart and Kripke tense up as the devices in the back of their necks turn red. They drop to the floor and writhe around in agony]

Trevor: Uh, how much do you want for "Superman and Lex Luthor: Best Buddies Number 30"?
Stuart: "Best Buddies"? Let me see that. What the hell?
Bert: Stuart, look at this. This whole wall is Archie comics.
Stuart: What? I don't carry Archie.
Bert: You do now.
Kripke: "Wichie Wich: Effective Altruist Number 12".
Stuart: Richie Rich what?

Trevor: Oh, excuse me. I was gonna buy that book.
Kyle: Oh! Oh, I'm sorry. Here. [chuckles] I had no idea.
Trevor: It was unintentional. I forgive you.
Kyle: I appreciate that.
Trevor: And I appreciate you. [both laugh]

Stuart: I can't believe I lost the love of my life and I get you.
Bert: Let's not forget, he killed Raj.
Kripke: [chuckles] Well, now, there are two possibilities. One, the world we were just in no wonger exists, in which case I did not "kill Waj." Two, that world and this world are part of an infinite number of worlds, in which case I killed one of an infinite number of Wajs. Mathematicawy, a wounding error.

Stuart: I looked everywhere. No Denise.
Kripke: Eh, she must have been too far away from the interdimensional bubble cweated by the Weonard/Sheldon device.
Stuart: What the hell does that mean?
Kripke: Well, I don't know. I'm just wiffing.

Bert: Unbelievable. No more mutants. No more giant moths. Such a better world.
Kripke: For you, maybe. [with rhotacism] I lost my hawem.
Bert: Mm, you know those weren't healthy relationships.
Kripke: It was all consensual. Sex for food.

Denise: Stuart?
Stuart: Denise?
Denise: I thought you were dead.
Stuart: [chuckles] I thought you were dead!
Bert: Aw!

Stuart: Where's Denise?
Bert: I don't know.
Stuart: I can't lose her again.
Bert: Don't worry, she's out there, and we'll find her. Everything's back to normal.
[As the camera pans behind them, the three guys all have an electronic device with a green light implanted in the back of their necks]

Stuart: Bert, stop. No zombies, no moths. No apocalypse. It worked.
Bert: Look how beautiful.
Kripke: Wats, my weign has ended.
Bert: Hey, your bruises are gone.
Kripke: Oh, yeah. You wook good. I mean... for you.

Stuart: What do we do? What do we do?
Denise: Uh... Uh... Set the impedance to point seven.
Stuart: [stammers] The what?
Denise: Yeah, right here.
Stuart: Okay, uh...
Denise: Uh, disengage the attenuator.
Stuart: Okay. [stammers] Mm... [device dings] Okay.
Denise: Turn the main release.
Stuart: Done!
Denise: But first...
Stuart: "But first"? What do you mean "but first"?

Stuart: Raj, talk to me, buddy!
Raj Koothrappali: [breathes heavily] I'm okay. I'm okay.
[Raj lifts up his long beard and sees the bleeding exit wound on his chest]
Raj Koothrappali: Maybe not.
Stuart: Raj? [Bert and Kripke continue fighting] What do we do? How do we fix the machine?
Raj Koothrappali: Oh, look! It's my grandmother, Ambulu, beckoning me to join her!
Stuart: Ca... Can... Can she wait a minute?
Raj Koothrappali: [groans]
Denise: Apparently not.

Raj Koothrappali: I think I got it! [gun shot]
Kripke: He don't got it.
Stuart: Barry, what did you do? We're trying to fix the universe!
Kripke: [chuckles] I don't want it fixed! I wike it the way it is.
Bert: We don't.

Bert: What's supposed to happen? [device chirps, hums] Does everything just go back to the way it was?
Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, fingers crossed.
Stuart: That would mean you and I would be together again.
Denise: Slow down, champ. I'm still grieving.
Stuart: Hmm, hmm.

Raj Koothrappali: Thank God for geology!
Bert: I do every day.

Denise: Stuart!
Stuart: Oh, I'm so glad you're okay.
Denise: I'm so glad you're okay. [they hug]
Stuart: Uh, oh, sorry.
Denise: Oh!
Stuart: I'm covered with people.
Raj Koothrappali: [mockingly] Yeah, everybody's okay. Let's go!

Denise: You know what? Fine. I will have dinner with you.
Kripke: Oh, wonderful. [chuckles]
Denise: You'll have to untie me first. [Kripke looks unsure] A real relationship is built on trust. That has to start now.
Kripke: Okay [chuckles] Ooh, hey, you wike venison?
Denise: Mm.
Kripke: I make it with a cherwy gwaze. The key is low-heat weduction.
[As Kripke frees Denise from the constraints, she immediately starts attacking him]
Denise: You are a stupid, stupid... [Kripke groans] Stupid, stupid, stupid man!

Kripke: Well, my dear, have you changed your mind?
Denise: Is the choice still sex with you or death?
Kripke: Wook, I'm not a monster. I'm just proposing we, uh, have a nice dinner, watch a movie, see what unfolds.
Denise: Kill me.
Kripke: [sighs] Give us a minute. [the soldier leaves] Wook. [sighs] Being the ruler of a post-apocalyptic fiefdom can be... [inhales] ...very wonely.
Denise: What about your harem?
Kripke: Those girls don't really care about me. They're just here for the food, medicine, free childcare.