Stuart: Kripke, what are you doing?
Kripke: Checking out my horse business. Ah! Impwessive, wight?

Stuart: We have to go back and get the machine with the controller.
Denise: From the place we were about to die?
Stuart: [hesitates] Try not to focus on that.

Bert: Check it out. The Justice League are all centaurs. Superman centaur, Batman centaur, Green Lantern centaur.
Stuart: Yeah, we got it.
Bert: Aquaman centaur, but he's a seahorse.

[The group land in the middle of a war zone with bombed-out buildings, fighting soldiers and explosions going off around them]
Bert: No, thank you.
Denise: Hit the switch! Hit the switch!
Stuart: Here we go!
[The group land back in the comic book store in a world that seems normal from waist-level. When they look down, however, they notice they each have the lower body of a horse. Even the NASA Astronaut by the door is a centaur.]
Denise: Oh, no.
Bert: I think you mean, "Oh... neigh".

Stuart: We gotta follow him.
[Regular Stuart and his group follow the Army group and disappear into the interdimensional bubble]
Lab Coat Denise: Now what?
Lab Coat Kripke: I could eat.
[The Lab Coat group all kneel down and start chewing grass]

[The confrontation between the original group and the Lab Coat group is interrupted by the arrival of a third interdimensional bubble. Stuart, Denise, Bert and Kripke run out wearing army uniforms with Army Stuart carrying his own quantum device.]
Army Stuart: Get the device.
[Army Kripke approaches Lab Coat Kripke and tussles for the device.]
Army Kripke: Don't make this difficult.
[Lab Coat Kripke lets Army Kripke take the device]
Lab Coat Stuart: What did you do?
Lab Coat Kripke: I'm not gonna mess with that guy? [grunts]

Bert: Well, this is a pickle.
Lab Coat Bert: The way I see it, there's a couple of possibilities.
Bert: Lay it on me, my brother.
Lab Coat Bert: The Stuart from the other universe didn't trust the first Stuart, so he also sent a Stuart from another universe on the same mission as a failsafe.
Bert: That's clever.
Lab Coat Bert: Or...
Lab Coat Stuart: Enough talk! Every minute we waste arguing, the fabric of reality is at risk of collapse!

Lab Coat Stuart: We don't have time for this. We're on a mission to save the universe.
Stuart: Oh, who isn't?
Lab Coat Stuart: An alternate version of me told me that I'm the only one who can fix things.
Stuart: Well, he lied, 'cause ta-da!
Lab Coat Stuart: We have the device.
Stuart: So do we.

Kripke: All wight, all wight. Before we go any further, I just want to point out, you, sir, are one handsome bwoke.
Lab Coat Kripke: Right back at you.

Both Stuarts: Who are you? I asked first. All right, go ahead.
Bert: This is gonna take a while.
Lab Coat Bert: Yeah.
Stuart: Are you the me that came to me in the comic book store?
Lab Coat Stuart: I thought you were the me that came to me in the comic book store.

Lab Coat Denise: Ooh, yum!
[The Lab Coat group all stop running to kneel down and eat the grass. The original group arrive in their own interdimensional bubble and, still running, trip over their lab coat counterparts. The eight of them end up on the ground, intertwined, with two quantum devices. When they get to their feet, Lab Coat Denise is with the original group while Denise is with the Lab Coat group]
Stuart: Who are you?
Lab Coat Stuart: Who are you?
Denise: Oh, hang on.
Lab Coat Denise: One sec.
[The two Denises swap around]
Denise: Continue.
Lab Coat Denise: Okay.

[As Lab Coat Stuart, Denise, Bert and Kripke land in the magic world, Neil deGrasse Tyson is being burned at the stake]
Neil deGrasse Tyson: Hey, hey! Can we talk about this?

[When Stuart, Denise, Bert and Kripke reach the Caltech lab, they are shocked to find lab coat wearing versions of themselves already there with their own quantum machine]
All: What the fuck?
Lab Coat Stuart: We gotta go.
[Lab Coat Kripke activates their quantum machine]
Kripke: Catch their swipstream.

Stuart: Quick, sing something.
Kripke: [thinking] ♪ Tall and tan and young...♪
Bert & Denise: [joining in] ♪ Young and lovely The girl from Ipanema ♪ ♪ Goes walking and when...♪
Stuart: That's enough.

Kripke: Engineering wab should be down this hall.
Denise: You have any idea what we're looking for?
Kripke: Your basic variable impedance controwwer circuit. [thinking] I am so full of shit.

Ramona Nowitzki: How can I help you?
Stuart: I'm sure you remember we were here the other day.
Ramona Nowitzki: [thinking] I'm on so much medication, I don't remember anything. [out loud] Yes, of course. Nice to see you again.
Stuart: Mm. Anyway, uh, David Saltzberg over at UCLA asked us to bring this over to the engineering lab.
Ramona Nowitzki: Up the stairs, down the hall.
Stuart: Thank you.
Group: [thinking] ♪ Toora, loora, toora Loo-rye-aye ♪ ♪ Eileen I'll hum this tune forever ♪ ♪

Kripke: I don't think this is gonna work.
Stuart: You got a better way to block our thoughts? [Kripke is silent by mouth and mind] I didn't think so. [quietly] One, two, three.
Group: [thinking] ♪ Come on, Eileen ♪ ♪ Oh, I swear Well, he means ♪ ♪ Ah, come on Let's take off everything... ♪
Stuart: [out loud] We were listening to it in the car. [chuckles] Real earworm.
Ramona Nowitzki: Oh, I get those all the time. [chuckles] [thinking] ♪ Dust in the wind ♪ ♪ All we are Is dust in the wind ♪

Kripke: [thinking] Oh, shit. I forgot to pick up my dwy cweaning.
Stuart: [out loud] All right, let's put a pin in meditating. What else we got?

Stuart: [thinking] "Fee-fi-fo-fum. I smell the blood of an Englishman." Where did that come from?

Bert: [thinking] My dad used to own a Datsun...