Kripke: Wait a minute. If this universe doesn't obey the waws of physics, then maybe we need magic.
Stuart: Okay. You know a wizard or a sorcerer or something?
Kripke: I do not. I absolutely do not.
Stuart: [sighs] Remember when you could just say, "Hey, Alexa, show me wizards near me"?
Kripke: Yeah.
Alexa: Yeah, what?
[Stuart and Kripke yelp and scream as a little goblin man appears on the counter]
Stuart: What the hell?
Alexa: Come on. I'm the demon Alexa. You summoned me.
Kripke: I'm fweaked out. You fweaked out?

Alexa: Tick tock. Got a lot of people waiting.
Stuart: Uh... Okay, uh... Are there any wizards around?
Alexa: Checking. While you wait, I noticed your shopping list is empty. How you doin' with paper towels?
Kripke: Will you just show us some wizards?
Alexa: Do not take that tone with me, buddy boy.
Kripke: Sowwy.

Denise: What is happening?
Stuart: Well, let's see. Bert's magic, Kripke's a penguin.
Kripke: Hey.
Stuart: And Wil Wheaton's mad 'cause I gave blood to Bernadette.
Denise: Why?
Stuart: She may or may not have saved Chocolate Chip.
Denise: A cookie?
Stuart: A dog.
Denise: Oh.

Stuart: Is it over?
Bert: Yeah. I think maybe I overdid it.
Stuart: Oh, don't feel bad, buddy. He started it. [Denise hugs Stuart] What's that for?
Denise: Maybe you're great. Maybe there is something here.
Stuart: Really?
Bert: Aww.
[Bert uses magic to conjure a heart-shaped arrangement of red rose heads, framing Stuart and Denise as they kiss.]

Kripke: "Demon" was witeral! "Demon" was witeral!

Nurse Stephanie: Mr. Bloom. How are we today?
Stuart: What?
Nurse Stephanie: Time for your meds.
Stuart: Meds?
Nurse Stephanie: Mm-hmm, three o'clock.
Stuart: Okay.
[Stuart swallows the pills and then drinks the water]
Nurse Stephanie: Oh, isn't that nice? You're very talented. Mm-hmm.
[As Nurse Stephanie walks away, Stuart looks down at his drawing, showing Denise, himself, Bert and Penguin Kripke in front of the counter at the store with the vari-state quantum interference device]
Stuart: Oh, this is not good.

Nurse Stephanie: Open. [Stuart swallows the two pills and drinks the water] Thank you. Oh, and remember, Dr. Fowler upped our dosage, so we might wanna take it easy for a while.
Stuart: "We"? Are you on these drugs too?
Nurse Stephanie: [laughs] You're a crack-up. [laughs] I like you.

Stuart: You gotta get me out of here.
Denise: Oh, honey, I wish I could. You've gotta get well first.
Stuart: Mm, there's nothing wrong with me.
Denise: Stuart, please, you need help. I miss you. The children miss you.
Stuart: I have children?
Denise: Oh, my God.
Stuart: I'm a dad?
Denise: You're a wonderful dad. Jaden and Talia love you so very much.
Stuart: Okay. I'll do the work. I'll get better.
Denise: Oh, thank you.
Stuart: Uh... Whose idea was it to name them Jaden and Talia?
Denise: Yours.
Stuart: Oh, I do need help.

Amy Farrah Fowler: I see you've been working very hard.
Stuart: I have, yeah.
Amy Farrah Fowler: I've got a nice note here from your occupational therapist.
Stuart: Really?
Amy Farrah Fowler: "Mr. Bloom brings a refreshing enthusiasm to his leather work."
Stuart: I made this wallet. Three compartments and... a coin purse.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Always need a place for your coins.

Amy Farrah Fowler: I still have some concerns.
Stuart: No, I'm... I'm eating well, I'm sleeping well. Last movie night, they played Step Brothers, and I laughed. [Amy looks up from her notes] ...in all the right places. Any way you look at it, I am well.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, that's not really for you to decide, is it?
Stuart: No, it's for you to decide. Have you?
Amy Farrah Fowler: I have.
Stuart: I can make you a nice belt.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Not necessary. It's time you go home.

Stuart: Bye! If any of my friends lose their marbles, I'll send 'em here.

Denise: I mean, I don't wanna put any pressure on things or push you too much, but... [sighs] ...Mama really missed her Big Daddy.
Stuart: Uh, I... I'm Big Daddy?
Denise: Yeah, you are.
Stuart: Okay.
Denise: Yeah.
Stuart: Just checking. "Big" is a, uh, great adjective.
Denise: Mm-hmm. [chuckles]
Stuart: Unless you're talking about a suspicious lump.

Kripke: Wooks wike they didn't tighten all the scwews there.
Gary: You're terrible.
Kripke: Oh, and you wove it. [he and Gary kiss]

Denise: What's that?
Stuart: You can see it?
Denise: Yeah, I can see it. What is it?
Stuart: You ever wonder whether any of this is real?
Denise: What are you talking about?
Stuart: Doesn't bother you that everything seems perfect?
Denise: No. This is the life we dreamed of.
Stuart: Exactly! When have my dreams ever come true?
Denise: Stuart, you're scaring me.
Stuart: You think you're scared now? You might wanna tighten your sphincter.

Stuart: Uh... no hurt. Peaceful.
Denise: We come from far. We good.
Man: What do you think?
Woman: I don't know. They sound stupid.

Chana: You speak our words?
Stuart: Yes. We speak your words.
Simpa: Where is your village?
Stuart: Uh... Pasadena?
Simpa: P-- Pasadena.
Chana: Pasadena.
Bert: Just east of Glendale?
Chana: Glendale. Glendale.
Simpa: Glendale.
Kripke: Yeah, just north of the 134. What the hell are we doing here?

Kripke: Sowwy. My dogs are barking.
Manu: Mm. [grabs Kripke's shoe]
Kripke: What are you doing?
Manu: These are good. I will wear them.
Kripke: Like hell you will. They're mine.
Manu: "Mine"? What is "mine"?
Kripke: They belong to me. I went to Foot Wocker and waited an hour for the idiot kid to find my size. Mine.
Manu: Mine.
Kripke: No, you say "yours."
Manu: Yours.
Kripke: Thank you. Mine.
Manu: Mine.
Kripke: Yours.
Manu: Thank you.

Lina: Thank you.
Kripke: Oh, you're very welcome. [they hug]
Xena: Mm. [giggles] So happy.
Kripke: Oh. We aim to pwease. [to Lumpa] Hey. [chuckles] Nice work in there.
Lumpa: You too.
Kripke: [to Karni] And you... [chuckles] You are getting a... a hand-written thank-you note. Come on. [they hug] [grunts] I could kill for a protein shake.

Denise: But if there are infinite universes, maybe there's one where the English language evolved entirely on its own.
Stuart: Without an England?

Denise: Excuse me.
Droppings Reader: Yes?
Denise: Is that shit?
Droppings Reader: Yes. Bear.
Denise: Mm-hmm. [to Stuart] You want to take a crack at this?
Stuart: Why?
Droppings Reader: Don't people in Pasadena look for signs and omens in animal droppings?
Stuart: There's probably someone.