Kripke: Well, wucky for you, we're not hanging awound.
[Kripke scoffs and chuckles. When he opens the door to the comic book store to leave, he almost falls into an endless black void]
Kripke: Holy cwap! Ah, fellas, you might want to take a wook.
Kyle: Oh, oh, uh, um...
Stuart: This is not Pasadena. [audience laughing]
Kripke: What the hell was that?

Stuart: Where the hell are we?
Kyle: Nowhere.
Stuart: What do you mean "nowhere"?
Kyle: You know somewhere?
Stuart: Yeah.
Kyle: This ain't that.

Kyle: The consciousness was deeply unhappy about creation. It hated everything about it. Uh, the planets, the stars, uh, salsa dancing. [chuckles] Vaseline, everything. It missed the peace and silence of infinite nothing.
Bert: I get that.
Kripke: What do you mean you get that?
Bert: You ever been to Costco on a Black Friday? It can be very upsetting.

Denise: Wait, so we're trapped here forever?
Kyle: Uh, no, no. Forever is a time. We're here always.

Stuart: [groans] Hello, fetal position, my old friend. [studio audience laughing]

Kripke: Denise, Bert, you wanna have your minds bwown?
Bert: We are in a comic book store... floating in nothingness while an omniscient consciousness is about to destroy everything that exists, so the bar for mind-blowing is pretty high.

Kyle: Here's a good one. You're all underwater. You got gills.
Denise: We were never underwater.
Kyle: Huh. Maybe it hasn't happened yet.

Kripke: Here's a fun wittle question. Where did this food come fwom?
Kyle: Oh, Szechuan Palace.
Kripke: Uh-huh. And how did it get here?
Kyle: Uber Eats, DoorDash, one of those.
Kripke: Sure, sure. And they dewiver to comic book shops that exist outside of time and space?
Kyle: Maybe Postmates. [studio audience laughing]
[The Big Bang Theory atom interstitial]

Stuart: Is it too late for a surprise party? [studio audience laughing]
Kripke: Is this still birthday cwap?
Denise: Oh, shut up, Kripke.
Kripke: Hear me out. How do you know it's your birthday?
Denise: What do you mean, how do I know? I know.
Kripke: Really? What day is it wight now? Monday, Tuesday?
Denise: Um...
Kripke: While you mull that over, Bert, say something funny.
Bert: Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a-salted. [studio audience laughing]

Kripke: Check out the back page, Cowumbo. [studio audience laughing]
Stuart: Stuart Fails to Save the Universe, a new comedy coming to CBS this fall.
Kyle: What's CBS?
Kripke: It's an old TV thing, not the point. [studio audience laughing] Somehow, we're in a sitcom.
Stuart: I thought we were in a meaningless void.
Kripke: Same thing. [studio audience laughing]

Kripke: Uh, check it out. Your wittle trip to the nuthouse.

Traveler: You can put everything right. You can make it the way it was. You just have to find the...
Stuart: Hang on. Hang on! If you're me from another reality, how can you be in this one?
Traveler: I don't know. I'm not a quantum physicist. I went to the Rhode Island School of Design.
Bert: I didn't know that.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, I have a BFA.
Bert: Really? How come you never did anything with it?
Stuart: What am I gonna do, teach high school kids how to draw fruit?

Stuart: With all due respect, my liege, how is it that you're the... the grand...
Kripke: Cawiph.
Stuart: Caliph of South Pasadena?
Kripke: [sighs] I suppose we have time for a wittle backstory. Uh, I apologize. You guys have heard this before. Uh, when everything went screwy and civilization as we know it cowapsed, a vacuum of weadership was created here at the university, and as we all know...
Bert: [hesitates] Nature abhors a vacuum?
Kripke: Wight-o. So, I seized power, got all the food, the guns, and the girls. Yeah, end of backstory.

Stuart: Denise. Where's Denise?
Bert: They took her.
Stuart: No, no! No, no, no, no! [stammers] I have to do something!
Raj Koothrappali: Or...
Stuart: Or what?
Raj Koothrappali: You move on, you meet someone new, and they get eaten by a moth on your honeymoon.

Bert: Excuse me, I have an idea.
Stuart: Go ahead.
Bert: Like I said, this used to be my Geology classroom. It's filled with all kinds of rock samples.
Raj Koothrappali: So, we're gonna throw rocks at men with guns? 'Cause if you don't know, rock beats scissors, not gun.

Trevor: There's an asshole on my head? [Kyle chuckles] Oh! Oh, great!
Stuart: Well, the good news is those joy buzzers are gone.
Denise: Oh, yeah. They are.
Trevor: [groans] Oh, my God. I have hemorrhoids. [Kyle chuckles]

Abramowitz the Grey: [over TV] Have you or a loved one been injured by a defective spell or faulty incantation? Call me, Abramowitz the Grey. Over 700 years' experience in magical litigation. [banging on door]
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Now what? [answers door] Oh. Hey, Stuart. Kripke.
Stuart: You know us?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Of course, I know you. What do you want?
Stuart: Can we come in?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: I'm kind of busy, but okay. Excuse the mess. I gave up giving a shit.

Stuart: That was more than a cup.
Kripke: We're gonna need some backup in case your bwood doesn't do the twick.
Stuart: You're right. Hey, Alexa. Huh. Hey, Alexa.
Alexa: I was taking a dump. What do you want?
Stuart: Where would we find Sheldon Cooper?
Alexa: Searching. Sheldon Cooper is currently starring in a revival of Man of La Mancha on Broadway.
Stuart: Damn it. We'll never get him to help us.
Kripke: I saw that with, uh, John Withgow.
Stuart: Oh, he's always good.

Kripke: [with rhotacism] Welcome back, neighbow.
Stuart: Kripke?
Kripke: Guilty as charged.
Stuart: We're neighbors?
Kripke: I wike to think we're a wittwe more than neighbows. I held your son at his bwis. [snaps garden shears]
Stuart: We're Jewish?

Kyle: You're not listening to me, okay? The centrifugal force of Thor's hammer is what allows him to fly.
Trevor: But Thor is throwing it. That violates Newton's first law.
Kyle: Uh, hey. Hey, hey. Settle an argument for us. Laws of physics don't apply to Norse gods, right?
Stuart: Of course not. Thor, along with the other inhabitants of Asgard, exist outside the paradigm of the physical universe. [gasps] How do I know that?